It's been two weeks since I found out that I was pregnant, and I've felt so out of it that I'm scaring myself. The morning sickness has calmed down thankfully, and I'm eating proper again, but I've felt no motion to do anything. I'm not sleeping good, I haven't answered any calls except for the odd one from Mum so she doesn't think I've dropped dead.

I've also talked to Josh at least once every other day, just because he's checking in on me like a good boyfriend. He's also doing good, and says he misses me a lot, as does Dan. I haven't told him that I'm pregnant yet.

---

I was sitting at home all curled up on the couch this morning, listening to Every Avenue and reading Ps. I Love You and generally feeling a bit better about things, when someone was absolutely hammering the door down. I didn't know who it was, but in a brief wave of baby-brain (where you go a bit ditzy and dim when you're pregnant), I answered the door. It was Taylor, looking mega pissed off.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" She snapped, walking past me and leaning at the kitchen countertop. I was scared.

"I..uh..I can explain?" I tried, shaking a little. Taylor folded her arms.

"Go on then, explain. I haven't heard from you in two weeks. Two weeks, Rachel! Did it not occur to you that I may be worried? That I may miss my best friend? What's going on?" I was tearing up, and the shaking was getting worse. I had to sit down. Taylor came and sat next to me, taking my hand in hers and giving it a squeeze. She'd softened. "It's something serious, isn't it..."

"I'm.." I couldn't find the will to utter the words.

"You're what?"

"I'm pregnant, Taylor. Okay? That's why I didn't call. I was afraid. Afraid you'd want nothing to do with me. I've told nobody. I haven't even found the guts to tell Josh yet.." I calmed down hugely after I told her. The next thing that happened was that Taylor hugged me so tight I thought she'd snap my ribs.

"Oh my god Rachel, congrats! Are you okay about it? This's insane! I'm so happy for you! I'm guessing Josh's the dad, yeah?" I nodded. "Why aren't you happy?"

"I am, a fraction, but I'm so annoyed. My life's over, I've lost my college place, Josh'll snap and so will Dan and Dan'll end up in jail for killing Josh because Josh got me knocked-up."

"Now you're being ridiculous. Okay, both Josh and Dan will be shocked and maybe a teeny tiny little bit annoyed at first, but they'll soon warm up to the idea. Your mum'll be so supportive too. You're young, but you've got this Rach. If anyone's got this, its you." She grabbed both my shoulders and looked me dead in the eye, while I started back, petrified.

"Okay...?"

"Good. It'll sink in within time, and you'll grow to be excited about the whole thing. Plus, I just know that you and Josh will be fantastic parents, considering how much you love each other. It'll all be fine, I promise." My answer to this was to sigh. "How far along are you?"

"I had to do another test because the doctor never told me, but two months tomorrow. I don't know how I didn't cop it on, considering the signs were so obvious. I'm surprised that Josh didn't cop it on either since I was so sick, but whatever. I'm due in the end of November."

"That gives you plenty of time to get excited! Have you thought of names yet?"

"No, I'm still trying to let the whole thing sink in. Josh's back in July, so if he doesn't hate me, we'll talk about it then."

"He won't hate you, love, not if I've anything to say about it. I'll chase him down if he does so."

"The whole thing just has me feeling all sorts of ways, does that make sense?"

"Of course. It's understandable, I mean." I sighed to this, and Taylor understood, because she went and made me some tea before I completely lost the plot.

I think I might end up losing the plot before this baby's born.

---

I got really tired by around nine, and after talking to Josh on the phone for a half hour, I went for a shower and called it a night. Normally, even at my near nineteen years, getting me to actually GO to bed is the problem. Like, it could be half three in the morning and Josh's begging me to go to bed, but I'll be halfway through a season of Criminal Minds and I'll be like "nope, sorry babe. I love you, but not that much." I'm so nice like honestly.

I lay in bed then trying to weigh things up in my head. Dan would surely snap at this latest revelation of me being pregnant. No doubt about it. Mum also won't be too overjoyed at the fact that I'm pregnant so young, but she'll move on.

I'm not sure how Josh'll take it, since his moods change worse than mine. I'm hoping he'll take it well, since he does generally love kids, but part of me thinks that this might ruin our relationship. I mean we do love each other to an unhealthy extent and hate being separated, but we tend to bicker over the smallest things, and since this's a big thing, who knows what'll happen.

My over-thinking put me to sleep.

Notes

Getting a big eraser that says "FOR BIG MISTAKES" and am gonna try erase my life.

So short, sorry

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