Alex's POV

I woke up leaning against Jack, who was in his own world watching some crap film he had put on.
"Shit, I'm sorry." I said and moved away from him.
"It's fine, your a good heater so I'm not complaining." He said and looked at me.
I looked down and smiled.

"You didn't do the work you was meant to do." He said.
"Some how I don't see myself doing it so it might as well go in the bin." I said and moved so I was leaning against the wall.
"Want me too help you with it?" He asked.
"Depends on work I have too do." I muttered.
"What about English? It's piss easy." He said.
I looked at him.
"I'm not writing about myself and then talk to a bunch of people who will use it against me, so I'm sorry that get fucked because I'm not doing it." I said.
"It don't have to be about yourself, it can be about anything which you like." He said.
"I think I'll pass still." I said sarcastically.
"Ugh why are you such hard work?" He asked and looked at me.
"I dunno why am I hard work? Please do explain too me, since you know so much about me." I said more sarcastically than before.
"You play in what's wrong with you, that's what. You ain't the fucking only one with problems and yet you fucking act like you do. The whole world does not involve around you!" He snapped.
"Get out." I said quietly.
Jack looked at me shocked.
"Get the fuck out! I don't want anything too do with you! Get the fuck out and leave me the fuck alone!" I screamed at him and turned round and punched my wall really hard.

Someone came into my room.
I felt Jack move.
"I'm not having anything to do with him." Jack said to whoever and walked out and slammed the door behind him.
"Get out!" I shouted.
"You have just lost your fucking chance to actually have a friend and not a friend who fucks you around and take the fucking piss out off you and you fucking pushed him away. What the fucking hell is wrong with you!?" Eric said loudly.
I turned round and looked at him.
"I didn't fucking ask you too choose my fucking friends, I didn't fucking ask you too fucking help me. I don't need you choosing what is fucking good for me, I don't need your fucking help! Get the fuck out off my room and leave me the fuck alone!" I shouted.
"Fuck you Alex, I try and bloody help you but you just throw it in my face, your on your bloody own." He said and walked out.

I went after him since I was in full swing and not was going to stop me.
"Throw things in your face? I wasn't the fucking one who got involved in drugs and let it rule my life. I wasn't the fucking reason why we fucking moved. It was all your fucking fault your the reason why everything in the fucking family is so fucked up!" I shouted at him.
"Really? I wasn't the fucking one who would bunk off school and go and play fucking chicken on the fucking railway. I wasn't the fucking one who ran away and then was found above a fucking motorway getting ready to fucking jump. I wasn't the fucking one who slashed his wrists opened! I also wasn't the fucking one who went missing all night and decided to get out off my face! I wasn't the fucking one who torn this family apart like it is! It was fucking you! You are the reason why we moved. Everything is your fucking fault and not mine!" He shouted back at me.
"You know what, I fucking wished I did jump. I fucking wished a train hit me. Because then I wouldn't be here! I would be dead and you would all forget about me!" I said quietly and went downstairs and stormed out the house and slammed the door behind me.

When Jack said there wasn't any rivers he lied because I managed too find one.
I also managed to get myself some blades as well which shocked me.
I was sat by the river with my feet in the water not really caring that it was winter and it was really cold.
"Bastards, the whole fucking lot of them." I said to myself as I tried to undo the blades.
"Fuck sake just fucking open!" I shouted and slammed it down on the floor out of frustration.
It seemed to off work since it opened after that.
I picked one up and looked at it.
"Haven't seen you in a while, dunno why I stopped really, he ruined me it was his fault. His fault why I so fucked up. He fault for everything he did too me." I said and slowly started to cry.
I brought the blade down to my wrist and dug it deep and dragged it along my arm.
I watched the blood leave.
"Eric was right, I am the reason why everything is so fucked up. I really am better off dead." I said and dragged the blade along my arm again.
I got frustrated with cutting myself so I threw the blade into the river and started to pull my hair.
"So stupid, why am I so stupid." I said and started to hit myself.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" I said quietly and then shouted.

I heard a twig snap from behind me.
I looked behind me and saw Jack.
"Leave me alone." I said quietly and turned round and looked at the river.
"Not when your like this." He said and sat next too me.
"No one likes me do they?" I asked and started to cry harder.
"I like you." He said.
"No you don't. You said it yourself you wanted nothing to do with me. No one wants to anything too do with me. I'm too fucked up." I said and started to hit myself again as I was getting angry with myself.
I felt Jack grab my arms.
"Stop, you've hurt yourself enough for one day." He said quietly.
"I need too hurt myself, I have too." I said trying to find another way to hurt myself but couldn't as Jack had hold of my arm.

Jacks phone went off but he ignored it.
"You don't need to hurt yourself." He said.
"I do, because everything is my fault. It was my fault he did them things, it was my fault we had to move, its my fault everything I do is my fault." I said loudly.
"Nothing is your fault." He said seriously.
"You don't know the things I have done, you don't know what I'm like, all you know is that I'm a fucking nut case who can't cope with anything. I can't even cope at being at school for fuck sake." I said and tried to move my arms out of Jacks hold it couldn't.
"Stop it Alex." He said.
"No! I don't want to stop. I need to make sure I have finished what I've started!" I said and looked at him for the first time since he got here.
"No you dont, you don't need too finish what you have started. You have done enough damage to yourself don't do any more." He said and looked at me seriously.
"It's never enough." I said quietly and looked away from him.

Jack must of been looking around the place as he picked the blades up.
"How did you even get these?" He asked.
"Stole them, security is shit here compared to England." I said.
Jack shook his head.
"Where your shoes?" He asked and looked at my feet which was still in the water.
"Wasn't wearing any." I said quietly.
"Can I look at your arm?" He asked and looked at me.
I moved my arm towards my chest and Jack let my arms go.
"No." I whispered.
"Why not?" He asked.
"Don't want you too." I said quietly.
"But its still bleeding." He said.
"So? I don't care." I said and looked at him.
He looked down and sighed.
"Let's get you home, you must be freezing." He said and got up.
"I'm not cold, I want to stay here." I said and looked at the river.
"You are cold and your not staying here, not when its getting dark as well." He said.
"I want to be alone." I said quietly and took my feet out the water and hugged my knees.
"No can do I'm afraid." He said and walked over too me and put his arms under my arms and forced me to stand up.
I wanted to fight back but I had no fight left in me.
Jack took his jacket off and put it over my shoulders.
"Let's get you home before you pass out on me." He said and he gently had hold of my arm and walked off with me following him.

We got back to mine and mum was pacing up and down the hallway.
"You should off kept you mouth shut!" She said and looked at Eric.
"Mrs Gaskarth?" Jack said.
He head snapped up and she rushed over too me and looked at my arm.
"Sweetie why? You was doing so well." She said hurt going through her voice.
I looked down and didn't say anything.
"Your freezing, Eric go and run the bath and make your self fucking useful." She snapped and looked at him.
He nodded and went upstairs not even looking at me.
"I'll leave you guys be." Jack said and turned round and went to walk out the door before I stopped him.
"Stay." I said quietly and looked at him.
"I can't, this is private and I shouldn't be here." He said.
"Please?" I asked but it came out as a plea.
"You can stay if you want too." Mum said.
"You sure?" He asked.
"I'm more than sure." She smiled.
He walked back in and shut the door behind him.
"Where your shoes Lex?" She asked.
"He left without them." Jack said.C
"Come on go and sit by the fire and warm up." She said and walked me too the sitting room and sat me by the fire.
"Keep an eye on him for me?" She asked Jack.
"Course I will." Jack said and came and sat opposite me next to the fire.

I was sat in my room staring out into space when Jack came up with a tea.
"Here, have this and your mum made me bring these up as well." He said and handed me the mug and held his hand out and there was some pills as well.
I pushed his hand away.
"You have too take your meds." He said quietly.
I shook my head.
"Take them for me?" He asked.
I looked at him and smiled.
"You know you want to." He said.I sighed and took one out off his hand put it in my mouth and washed it down with my tea.
"Too hot." I said and put my tea down.
"Sorry, I sort of guessed on how you like it." He said.
"It's fine, next time put some more milk in then I won't burn my mouth." I said.
"Note taken." He said.

I smiled and moved and rested my head on his shoulder.
I looked at my arm which had a bandage on it now and my head really hurt as well and my feet was still cold.
"You okay?" Jack asked.
"My head and arm hurts and my feet are still cold." I said quietly.
Jack moved and pretty much wrapped me in the duvet.
"That should help and warm you up a little." He smiled.
Eric was stood in the doorway.
"Can you give me and Alex some space please?" He asked.
"I can." he said and got up and walked out and Eric came in and shut the door behind him and sat next to me.
I looked away from him.

"I know what I had really hurt you and made you do that to yourself." He said and pointed to my arm.
I moved it so it was under the covers.
"But you have to understand Alex that you can't keep on blaming me or yourself about moving here, I know I played a part in moving here because of what I got into back at home. I have kept my side of our deal Alex, I need you too try and keep yours." He said.
I looked at him.
"But it hard, its so hard Eric." I said quietly.
He pulled me too his side.
"I know it is but you have too keep on going. You can do this, even with your messed up ness you can do it because you are a stubborn bastard." He said.
He made me look at him.
"I'm not going to lose my baby brother because of what he did to you. I miss the care free happy Alex. The one who doesn't run off but comes too me or Fred when your feeling down. When you didn't have the weight of the world on your shoulders, when your not always lost inside that head of yours." He said.
I looked down and felt some tears falling.
"Hey, what's up?" He asked and wiped my tears away.
"You want me too be happy but I can't, I've lost my happiness and I don't know how to get it back. I've let you all down, I'm sorry." I said and cry harder.
Eric moved and pulled me into his chest and I just cried.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I sobbed.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said quietly.

---

Jacks POV

About 2 hours later i went back upstairs and Alexs door was open.
I walked in and Alex had his back too the door and was asleep and Eric was led beside him just watching him sleep.
He looked up and smiled when he saw it was me.

"He's tried himself out which is a first." He said quietly.
"You won't say anything will you? About what you've seen or heard?" He asked.
"My lips are sealed. No one will know what is wrong with him or what has happened." I said quietly.
He smiled.
"Thank you." He said and sat up.
"Don't have to thank me." I said and Alex stirred.
"I do because if you didn't find him he probably would be dead or still be outside somewhere." He said and looked at Alex.
Eric quietly got off the bed and walked over too me.
"Don't give up on him, not now, he's slowly trusting you and he'll open up too you, he'll even say stuff which we don't know about." He said.
I looked down.
"Please, people in England took the piss out of him because of what is wrong with him. They used him as well. Your not like them, I need him too see that there are good people out there. I need him too see that he can have friends, that he is normal dispite what is wrong with him." He said.
I looked at a sleeping Alex.
"I'm not the person who you think I am." I said.
"So? Alex doesn't care who you are as long as you are there for him and he will be there for you. He might be fucked in the head but he's a good friend to a friend who needs someone." He said.
"Fine, although I wasn't going to give up on him anyway, I feel he's more of a friend than the ones who I've know most of my life." I said and walked over to the bed.
"If your hoping for sleep here's a tip, make sure your asleep within half an hour and be prepared to be woken up at like 3 in the morning." He said.th
"What?" I asked and looked at him.
"He don't sleep much and he forgot to take his evening meds as well so that means he's gonna be wide awake in a few hours." He said.
"Great." I yawned.
"Get some sleep princess you'll need it." He said and walked out.

I climbed over Alex and lead down.
"Eric?" Alex muttered.
"No, its me sadly." I said quietly.
Alex smiled and moved closer too me.
"A decent heater." He muttered and was back asleep seconds later.
I just watched him sleep for a while.
I was slowly liking Alex, but I don't think he liked me in that way anyway but it was Alex and his mind was like a whirlpool most off the time.
I fell asleep not long after.

Notes

I dunno about this...