Phoenix Gilbert Gaskarth was born 4:00 P.M. on March 4th, 2016. After three grueling hours of contractions and scarfing down cups of ice chips to relieve the pain of the contractions, the doctors took me to the O.R. to deliver my son. After an hour, Phoenix was screaming his head off to let me know he arrived. I got to pick one person to be in the room with me while they delivered Phoenix to comfort and coach me, and my instincts had me choose Tom. He was my big brother -- my hero; I would be stupid to not have him coach me through the birth of my son, his nephew.

Tom was right behind my head, petting and cooing sweet nothing into my hair. I was panicking, I will not lie. I was scared that my baby wouldn’t come out healthy or, God forbid, alive. I was scared that Phoenix wouldn’t cry when he was taken from my body, or I was scared him and I would both pass during the procedure. So much negativity clouded my head during the entire hour of birthing, but all my fears were proven wrong when not only did my baby come out screaming. the doctors assured me that Phoenix was perfectly healthy.

When he arrived, the doctors held him out to me as he kicked and cried. I couldn’t move anything but my head to see him better and admire him. He was a big child, surprisingly, and he was pale just like me. He had a mixture of black and brown tuffs of hair just like Oliver and I, and I couldn’t wait for him to open his eyes. Tom was behind me admiring Phoenix just as much as I was, and the nurse was pleased to see how blessed and happy we were. We only got to look and gush at Phoenix for about a minute before Phoenix was taken from our views to be cleaned up and examined. Plus, Tom was asked to leave so doctors could stitch me up from the surgery. Tom kissed my head goodbye before leaving me alone in the operating room. I trusted him to give the news of the arrival of my baby boy.

---

After I got a nap, I was allowed to be with my son officially. I was in a room with Tom, since the coach was only allowed to stick with me, when a nurse wheeled in a basinet with a perfectly wrapped baby inside. It was wheeled to my free side. I looked over to see Phoenix, now all cleaned off from the nasty gook he was born into, resting soundly in a warm, cloud-like, blue blanket. I adjusted my bed to where I was sitting up and opened up my arms. The nurse scooped up the baby to lay Phoenix in my arms. It was an odd weight in my arms, but I easily and soon adjusted. I rested a finger right upon Phoenix’s chin to cherish the pureness and softness of his flesh. Tom leaned over to look at Phoenix. “He looks so much like you, Lex.” he acknowledged. Tears were in my eyes, and I couldn’t control the few that escaped my orbs to dribble down my cheeks.

“I-I can’t believe he’s mine. This is my son.” I whimpered. Phoenix wiggled in my arms which startled me a bit. He didn’t cry, just moved. I guess I was still getting used to all this. Tom tapped my shoulder, making me look over.

“Should I grab the rest of the gang?” he whispered. I looked over with a shaky smile.

“Please? I want them to finally meet Phoenix.” Tom nodded, kissed my forehead, and exited the room to grab everyone from the waiting room. That gave me a good five minutes alone with my beautiful boy. “You’re so handsome, Phoenix. I am so glad you are finally here … everything is set up for you at home. You’ll love your room; daddy’s boyfriend made it look so perfect for you.” Moments later, the door opened to reveal mum, dad, Jack, Austin, Alan, Taylor, and Tom. I looked up at all of them, grinning widely. Jack skipped over to me and instantly planted a kiss on my lips. I happily accepted it.

Everyone crowded around me to look at my newborn son. Taylor was crying as if she had had him herself, Austin and Alan were standing towards the door with smirks on their face, mum and dad were asking Tom a dozen questions about how the delivery went, and Jack remained stuck at Phoenix and I’s side. Jack ran his fingertips through Phoenix’s brunette locks which were as thin as straw but as soft as silk. I looked up at Jack. “You want to hold him, baby?” I offered. Jack looked at me with widened-shocked eyes.

“Y-You want me to hold him? You haven’t had that much time to hold him!”

“I want you to hold him, Jacky.” I held him up in my arms. Jack gave up on the argument, that only lasted a second, and opened his arms. I placed Phoenix into his arms gently. Jack, with Phoenix clad in his cradled arms, sat in a chair beside my bed. Jack’s eyes clung to Phoenix’s figure.

“Hey there, Phoenix. I’m Jack… your daddy’s boyfriend.” he whispered. Taylor knelt beside Jack and Austin and Alan stood behind Taylor’s knelt body. I just watched from the bed with a soft grin. Jack rubbed the side of his finger across Phoenix’s cheek which earned him Phoenix wiggling around in his blanket. Seconds later, Phoenix’s eyes creaked open. His eyes, due to all newborns with these colored orbs, were crystal blue. He stared up at Jack with big-ass blue eyes. The scene before Jack made Jack’s mouth curl into a crescent smile. “You’re finally awake, huh?” Jack giggled. Phoenix’s eyes bounced around the room to take in his new surroundings. Internally, I was glad Jack was the first person Phoenix got to see upon opening his eyes for the very first time. Jack, Taylor, Austin, and Alan took in a few more moments with Phoenix when Phoenix was then passed back over to me.

I held the baby close to my chest, and the emotions hit me like unexpected sack of bricks. I was sobbings, tears pouring down my cheeks. Mum reached my side, and she placed a hand on my shoulder. “What’s wrong, baby?” she whispered.

“I am just… so happy. He’s here, mum.” I hiccuped. Mum chuckled softly, proceeding to pull me into an embrace. Dad soon joined the embrace … then Tom … then Jack. Taylor, Austin, and Alan remained out of the embrace -- guess it was family and boyfriend only. I cried into the group embrace, and Phoenix let out a squeak between us all. It triggered us to all pull away from the embrace and look at the infant. We all gasped upon seeing Phoenix showcasing a gummy grin. I laughed a tad at it. “Someone’s happy to be with his family.” I whispered. Jack leaned in to mush a kiss on my sweaty, messy, teal locks. This is just what I wanted: a big, happy family with my baby boy.

---

It was late at night, about seven in the evening, when I was alone in my room. It was a school day tomorrow, and I had to force Jack and the gang to leave to get some rest for school. They insisted on staying the night with me and skipping classes tomorrow, but I refused. Mum, dad, and Tom left to go alert the family of Phoenix’s birth, and I had also requested them to leave. I wanted alone time with Phoenix. I needed this night to get down the basics of parenting, and although I wanted mum and dad to stay and help me through it, I battled myself to tell them to leave and let me figure this out on my own.

I was laying down in bed watching a Lethal Weapon marathon when I heard choking sobs at my side, and soon, a shrill shriek echoed through the room. I panicked in an instant. I got up slowly and inched my way to the bacinet. Inside, Phoenix was kicking his legs in anger along with his face scrunched up in distress. “P-Phoenix, baby, it’s okay. I’m here.” I cooed as I picked him up from the carrier. I pressed him against my chest to soothe his cries. I bounced my body up and down as a way to also help him. The bouncing wasn’t helping, for his screams only increased in volume. I was panicking more; I had no fucking idea what to do! That was when a light bulb flickered above my head.

I turned to the stand beside my bed to where a nurse set down a bottle carrier containing two warm bottles. I grabbed one, plopped my butt down on the bed, and positioned Phoenix to be cradled in my arms instead of across my shoulder. I placed the bottle against his lips to which he gladly accepted into his mouth. He was still whimpering against the nipple of the bottle while he ate, but soon, the sobs stopped, being replaced with the light suckling noises of his lips to the bottle’s nipple. I smiled. Congratulations, Alex; you got through the first tantrum of Phoenix Gaskarth.

He was halfway through the bottle when I heard someone come to the door. I assumed it was a nurse, so I turned my head to greet them sweetly. However, my stomach plummeted to the tiled floor when I saw who was at the door. It wasn’t a nurse -- it was Oliver. “Oli?” I called in shock. Oliver just stared at Phoenix. He stepped in silently and placed himself before me. I looked up, my hand not leaving the bottle that Phoenix happily sucked on. “What, um … what are you doing here?” I asked. Oliver sighed, sitting down in the lounge chair across the room.

“I’m obviously here to see my son, Lex.” he said, referring to me as Lex. It made my skin crawl. I looked down at Phoenix who stopped sucking on the nipple which gave me the feeling he was full. Now, I had to burp him.

“Um,” I thought for a second, “lemme burp him in the bathroom, and then, I’ll let you hold him, yeah?” I suggested. Oliver provided me with a warm smile.
“Sounds good to me, Lex.” I excused myself into the bathroom with Phoenix and a towel to burp my son. I spread the towel on my shoulder, then I placed Phoenix over my shoulder. It took a good two minutes of constant patting on his back for Phoenix to burp and also spittle all over the towel. I slipped the towel out from under him, through it in the hamper by the toilet, and walked out to Oliver. He was still in the lounge chair, but this time, his phone was clad in hand. It was put away, though, when I returned.

I walked over to Oliver, presenting Phoenix to Oliver. He opened his arms to where I placed the baby in his arms. After Oliver had a good grip on Phoenix, I walked back to bed and laid down under the covers. I watched as Oliver admired his son with a wide smile. “He has your hair color, y’know.” I informed Oliver. He looked up.

“You think so?”

“Yeah! It looks a lot more like your’s than it does mine. Mine is lighter than that.”

“He’s a ghost like you, though.” Oliver said with a giggle. My cheeks reddened.

“Shush.”

“So, Alex, besides coming to see Phoenix, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Oliver stood up and walked over to the bed where he sat down beside me. He kept hold of Phoenix. I perked up and listened to Oliver. “I wanted to tell you goodbye.” My eyes widened.

“Goodbye? What do you mean, Oli?”

“I’m going back to Essex -- tomorrow, to be exact. I have a 7 AM flight back home.”

“But, why?” I was surprised I was so upset about this. Maybe, it was because his and my son was brought into the world less than 24 hours ago?

“I want to be back home in England where I belong. I got a job offer over there, which I gladly accepted, and my parents want me back home. I know this is so sudden, and I know I’m telling you this right when our son was born, but I didn’t know when to tell you. Jack is constantly around, and I know if I tried to tell you in school, he would beat my a --” he stopped for a second to look down at Phoenix, “butt.” I let out a soft giggle, but a frown immediately found itself back on my face. Oliver was leaving; he wouldn’t get to experience any of his son’s life with me because I’d be here in the states with Jack while he’d be in Essex. It shattered my heart, and it brought a film of tears to my eyes.

“I-I’m glad you allowed me to tell you goodbye, Oli.” I sighed. Oliver frowned, wrapping an arm around me.

“I’ll miss you, Lex. I want you to come and see me sometime with Phoenix, you understand me?” he said. I nodded quickly.

“Of course.” I picked up Phoenix and set him in the bacinet. I then looked back up at Oliver. “Please, though, stay the night with me. I want to have one last night with you before you leave, and you deserve a night with your son before you go.” My eyes were pleading with his. Oliver nodded, and he pulled me closer to him to snuggle which I gladly accepted. We were wrapped in the warm comforter of the hospital bed, and my head was on his chest. “Oh, and Oli?” I perked up one last time.

“Yeah, Lex?”

“We’ll miss you, too.”

Notes

i lied. i finished the chapter tonight and posted it tonight. yay.

I KINDA CRIED WRITING THIS CHAPTER ???!!??!?

xoxo krys