Love Notes and Long Distance
Cause real life just isn't right; lets fabricate
Baby, don't yell,
you're tearing a hole right through the walls of everything we used to know,
I'm building a place, something amazing,
just for the sake of saving us,
From under the sun,
Two plastic hearts with no where to run.
Fall break. I was finally going to see my boyfriend and our families and just go back home where everything is simpler. I was currently running around my dorm making sure that I had everything I needed because I didn't want to be a week without something important. I grabbed the small box off of my desk, I had known I was forgetting something. I put it in jacket pocket and pushed the sleeves of said jacket up to my elbows again. I did another quick sweep and didn't see anything that I would need. I grabbed my guitar case and carried it out to my car with me. I carefully laid it in the back seat and closed the door.
"Hey Lexxy boy have a good break," Rian winked.
"Hey Ri, grow up," I called back before climbing into my vehicle.
I typed my home address into the GPS of my phone and sighed as I tried to find the right song to begin my journey home. I started the long drive that I was going to make but it would be worth it once I got to see Jack's face again. We were going out tonight to a fancy-ish restaurant. It was still rather early in the morning, around 6:30, so that I could get in at a reasonable time.
I looked up at the house that suddenly looked a lot bigger than it ever had. I walked inside, only my guitar case in hand.
"Hello," my mother questioned.
"I'm home," I called.
I heard a lot of shuffling and saw my mom walk over to me and quickly engulfed me into a hug. I lead her outside and she helped me grab my bags and bring them inside. I was then ushered into the kitchen where there were cookies and coffee. I gladly took some of both and sat down at the table with my mom.
"So, how is it so far," she asked.
"It's fine, all my classes are good and I think I'm doing well in them," I responded.
"Do you and Jack stay in touch?"
"Actually, there was something I needed to tell you about that."
"You're not going to break up with the boy are you? I've never seen you as happy and complete as you are with him."
"No, I know I'm young but I think he's the one. I want to marry him."
"I do think you're too young but I've also seen you two together and there's no doubt that you love him. I think no matter what your decision is on the matter you will make the right decision. Now, you have a meeting a church you should get to."
I nodded to my mother as I walked back out to the car, the last thing I wanted to do was drive but there weren't many more options. I once again heard the familiar roar of the engine as I began the short trip. I had promised I would stop into the youth group and I was a man to my word. I didn't know what to expect by going here because there had been some differences between the other eldest youth and I but I was sure that it was nothing. I parked and walked in and I was greeted by a look of nothing but glances and one smile. I instantly felt completely uneasy.
I grabbed a drink from the fridge and talked with one of the leaders who was the only person that welcomed me. I was sure it was nothing and I was tired and overreacting. I just needed to not be so sensitive, it was nothing. I walked by them to talk to one of the other leaders and they immediately stopped their conversation and stared at me until I passed. From where I was talking to the other leader I was able to hear their conversation without them knowing and I wished I couldn't.
"How can he say he has anxiety, he talks in front of people fine. He's just desperate for attention, how pathetic," one of them said.
"I heard he drinks a lot at college. Like he's paying to go there to get an education and he's getting drunk. How is he supposed to teach the younger kids anything when he can't live without being watched 24/7," another whispered.
"I heard he's gay. That he has a boyfriend. I also heard that none of his friends are Christian. He's fallen into the world and there's no saving him. We need someone better than him in our youth group, not him."
"Alex, are you alright," Stephan, my youth leader asked.
"Yeah, just my friends don't like me for some of the things we've talked about," I responded, staring at the floor.
"None of that is your fault and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. God made you the way you are and you should be proud of it and thankful for it. It's all a part of his plan. Who are these people?"
"This entire group, I don't feel welcome or safe here.... I'm... I'm gonna go home."
"Why?"
"I'm not going to stay some place I'm not wanted."
I grabbed my keys and stormed out, causing a bigger scene then I ever intended to make. I started my car and quickly sped off without as much as a backward glance. I wiped my eyes carefully, brushing away the stray tears. I wasn't going to cry because the people who I had trusted with so much had finally turned against me and completely shoved me away. Why would I cry about that, it was something so stupid and meaningless?
I got to my house and quickly ran from my car, slamming the door much harder than necessary. I ran into the house and immediately ran upstairs ignoring my mom and the dogs. I closed my bedroom door harder than necessary. I heard a knock on it seconds later, knowing I had locked it.
"Lexxy, tell me what's wrong baby. This is unlike you," she whispered.
"Everyone hates me. All my friends hate me. All they do is make fun of me. I'm a liar about my anxiety. Maybe if I say I don't have it I won't. I get drunk and I'm bi and everyone hates me for that," I screamed.
"A doctor confirmed your anxiety, you're not lying about having it. We've all done stupid things in college, getting drunk isn't the worst you can do. There's nothing wrong with you being bi, there's a reason you are and honestly, I wouldn't have you any other way."
"But there's something wrong with me."
"Why because some ignorant bitches said there was? What do they know? I know you are a strong and amazing young man who is going to make me proud with whatever he does. Now get ready for your date with Jack."
I wiped my eyes again, not noticing that tears had flown from my eyes. I got up and pulled out my nicest black skinny jeans and a nice purple button down. I traded my typical shoes for nice looking combat boots and quickly ran a comb through my tangled blonde hair. I looked at myself and tried to smile, it just wasn't working for me right now.
There was a knock on the door and I assumed it was Jack. I ran down the stairs and sure enough there was my boyfriend who was smiling down at his phone and texting away. It wasn't too out of the ordinary so I didn't give it any thought. I quickly felt all of my pockets for the ring and it was there. I smiled up at him.
"Hey cutie," he said.
"Hey babe," I smiled, leaning up and kissing him.
"Let's go."
I grabbed his hand and followed him out of the house. We drove there in silence, the only sound was Jack's text notification going off. I wonder why he kept getting texts because that was quite out of the ordinary.
"Do you want me to check that," I asked.
"No," he nearly shouted.
I did look down at the phone and saw that it was Vic but he had the messages turned off so I couldn't snoop any further. I had a really bad feeling about all of this, it just seemed kind of fishy. Before I could voice my thoughts we got to the restaurant and he was out of the car. We were quickly seated and everything seemed to move quickly. I wasn't sure when the best time to do it was but if it wasn't now I wasn't going to do it. I stood up and moved next to Jack, his confusion obvious.
"Alex, what are you doing," he asked.
"I know that we are both young but we've been together for a while and I've been thinking lately," I dropped onto one knee. "I can't imagine the simplest things without you and I want only you. The more I think about it the more I realize that you are the one. I know we are young but will you make me the happiest man on the earth and marry me?"
you're tearing a hole right through the walls of everything we used to know,
I'm building a place, something amazing,
just for the sake of saving us,
From under the sun,
Two plastic hearts with no where to run.
Fall break. I was finally going to see my boyfriend and our families and just go back home where everything is simpler. I was currently running around my dorm making sure that I had everything I needed because I didn't want to be a week without something important. I grabbed the small box off of my desk, I had known I was forgetting something. I put it in jacket pocket and pushed the sleeves of said jacket up to my elbows again. I did another quick sweep and didn't see anything that I would need. I grabbed my guitar case and carried it out to my car with me. I carefully laid it in the back seat and closed the door.
"Hey Lexxy boy have a good break," Rian winked.
"Hey Ri, grow up," I called back before climbing into my vehicle.
I typed my home address into the GPS of my phone and sighed as I tried to find the right song to begin my journey home. I started the long drive that I was going to make but it would be worth it once I got to see Jack's face again. We were going out tonight to a fancy-ish restaurant. It was still rather early in the morning, around 6:30, so that I could get in at a reasonable time.
I looked up at the house that suddenly looked a lot bigger than it ever had. I walked inside, only my guitar case in hand.
"Hello," my mother questioned.
"I'm home," I called.
I heard a lot of shuffling and saw my mom walk over to me and quickly engulfed me into a hug. I lead her outside and she helped me grab my bags and bring them inside. I was then ushered into the kitchen where there were cookies and coffee. I gladly took some of both and sat down at the table with my mom.
"So, how is it so far," she asked.
"It's fine, all my classes are good and I think I'm doing well in them," I responded.
"Do you and Jack stay in touch?"
"Actually, there was something I needed to tell you about that."
"You're not going to break up with the boy are you? I've never seen you as happy and complete as you are with him."
"No, I know I'm young but I think he's the one. I want to marry him."
"I do think you're too young but I've also seen you two together and there's no doubt that you love him. I think no matter what your decision is on the matter you will make the right decision. Now, you have a meeting a church you should get to."
I nodded to my mother as I walked back out to the car, the last thing I wanted to do was drive but there weren't many more options. I once again heard the familiar roar of the engine as I began the short trip. I had promised I would stop into the youth group and I was a man to my word. I didn't know what to expect by going here because there had been some differences between the other eldest youth and I but I was sure that it was nothing. I parked and walked in and I was greeted by a look of nothing but glances and one smile. I instantly felt completely uneasy.
I grabbed a drink from the fridge and talked with one of the leaders who was the only person that welcomed me. I was sure it was nothing and I was tired and overreacting. I just needed to not be so sensitive, it was nothing. I walked by them to talk to one of the other leaders and they immediately stopped their conversation and stared at me until I passed. From where I was talking to the other leader I was able to hear their conversation without them knowing and I wished I couldn't.
"How can he say he has anxiety, he talks in front of people fine. He's just desperate for attention, how pathetic," one of them said.
"I heard he drinks a lot at college. Like he's paying to go there to get an education and he's getting drunk. How is he supposed to teach the younger kids anything when he can't live without being watched 24/7," another whispered.
"I heard he's gay. That he has a boyfriend. I also heard that none of his friends are Christian. He's fallen into the world and there's no saving him. We need someone better than him in our youth group, not him."
"Alex, are you alright," Stephan, my youth leader asked.
"Yeah, just my friends don't like me for some of the things we've talked about," I responded, staring at the floor.
"None of that is your fault and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. God made you the way you are and you should be proud of it and thankful for it. It's all a part of his plan. Who are these people?"
"This entire group, I don't feel welcome or safe here.... I'm... I'm gonna go home."
"Why?"
"I'm not going to stay some place I'm not wanted."
I grabbed my keys and stormed out, causing a bigger scene then I ever intended to make. I started my car and quickly sped off without as much as a backward glance. I wiped my eyes carefully, brushing away the stray tears. I wasn't going to cry because the people who I had trusted with so much had finally turned against me and completely shoved me away. Why would I cry about that, it was something so stupid and meaningless?
I got to my house and quickly ran from my car, slamming the door much harder than necessary. I ran into the house and immediately ran upstairs ignoring my mom and the dogs. I closed my bedroom door harder than necessary. I heard a knock on it seconds later, knowing I had locked it.
"Lexxy, tell me what's wrong baby. This is unlike you," she whispered.
"Everyone hates me. All my friends hate me. All they do is make fun of me. I'm a liar about my anxiety. Maybe if I say I don't have it I won't. I get drunk and I'm bi and everyone hates me for that," I screamed.
"A doctor confirmed your anxiety, you're not lying about having it. We've all done stupid things in college, getting drunk isn't the worst you can do. There's nothing wrong with you being bi, there's a reason you are and honestly, I wouldn't have you any other way."
"But there's something wrong with me."
"Why because some ignorant bitches said there was? What do they know? I know you are a strong and amazing young man who is going to make me proud with whatever he does. Now get ready for your date with Jack."
I wiped my eyes again, not noticing that tears had flown from my eyes. I got up and pulled out my nicest black skinny jeans and a nice purple button down. I traded my typical shoes for nice looking combat boots and quickly ran a comb through my tangled blonde hair. I looked at myself and tried to smile, it just wasn't working for me right now.
There was a knock on the door and I assumed it was Jack. I ran down the stairs and sure enough there was my boyfriend who was smiling down at his phone and texting away. It wasn't too out of the ordinary so I didn't give it any thought. I quickly felt all of my pockets for the ring and it was there. I smiled up at him.
"Hey cutie," he said.
"Hey babe," I smiled, leaning up and kissing him.
"Let's go."
I grabbed his hand and followed him out of the house. We drove there in silence, the only sound was Jack's text notification going off. I wonder why he kept getting texts because that was quite out of the ordinary.
"Do you want me to check that," I asked.
"No," he nearly shouted.
I did look down at the phone and saw that it was Vic but he had the messages turned off so I couldn't snoop any further. I had a really bad feeling about all of this, it just seemed kind of fishy. Before I could voice my thoughts we got to the restaurant and he was out of the car. We were quickly seated and everything seemed to move quickly. I wasn't sure when the best time to do it was but if it wasn't now I wasn't going to do it. I stood up and moved next to Jack, his confusion obvious.
"Alex, what are you doing," he asked.
"I know that we are both young but we've been together for a while and I've been thinking lately," I dropped onto one knee. "I can't imagine the simplest things without you and I want only you. The more I think about it the more I realize that you are the one. I know we are young but will you make me the happiest man on the earth and marry me?"
Notes
So, I'm back and I have one confusing and saddening chapter for all of you. So, I've been absent due to a few reasons:
- I had exams all last week which I did fine on but was busy with all of that.
- Personal problems, many of which have had a voice in this chapter.
and
- Overall lack of motivation
anyways, I hope you enjoyed this, please rate and leave a comment :)
Title and lyrics credit: Under A Paper Moon - All Time Low
@Carebear
Thanks :) we currently have two songs near done and I think we're going for seven. Jack feels bad though. Something may happen though.
1/17/16