Wish I could take it back
but I know I can't.
I hope one day you understand.
No, this can't be the end,
this is the end.

"I'm done," Vic said a little too calmly.

"Vic, I'm sorry," I whispered.

"No, you aren't. I'm gonna move out later but until it's official I'll be living with my friend. I just, I just can't be here anymore."

"Vic, I really am sorry."

"How many times have I told you not to say the things you don't mean."

"I'm saying it because I mean it."

"How do I know that? You've told me so many things already."

I watched as Vic got entirely dressed and packed his bag. I watched as he calmly walked around the room, taking the things he needed to go spend time with someone until he could. Maybe he was calm because he knew it all along. Maybe he had gone past the area of being mad and was merely giving up. I'm not sure which of these two scared me more. I almost wanted to believe that he had known.

"Don't contact me again, please," Vic whispered.

I watched as he walked out of the door and out of my life just as quickly as he had walked in. I laid back in my bed and sighed. My fiancee left me, my friend with benefits left me. I didn't really know anyone else here but I had a reputation to up keep. Maybe I was just a bad person because, whilst I felt guilty, I also felt nothing.

I was lying on my back in bed scrolling through my phone. I went on Instagram and saw a picture of Alex in the airport smiling, the caption talked about him coming to see me. I sighed knowing how much I had fucked up. I couldn't help it and I scrolled through my images seeing pictures of us together. Nothing but smiles and laughs evident in both our faces and eyes. There were pictures of us so young and in love. There was pictures of us kissing and hugging and just being an adorable couple. That made me feel something, it hurt. So bad. He was my everything.

I opened up Alex's contact and just stared at it. I reread many of texts. They were adorable, talking about our future wedding and future together. There were utterly adorable things that only Alex could have typed because he was such a hopeless romantic. I had never planned on falling in love but the day Alex had been dared to kiss me that entire plan changed. Instead of spending my life alone I suddenly had someone who turned my life upside down. He was patient enough to give me chance after chance and he stayed with through everything.

I typed out a message that I knew I could never send:

I am so sorry Lex, there's nothing to excuse my actions and you deserve so much better than me. I would give anything for just one more chance but I know that you aren't stupid so that second chance will never happen. At the very least can we still be friends. Maybe we can still try to make that band together that we kept talking about in high school. If not I hope the band works out for you and I hope that my heartbreak gives you the ump it needs to jump start your career because nothing is better for money then heart break. I'm sorry Alex, I love you and I hope you can find better me.

I turned my phone off, knowing there was no way I could ever send that message. I looked at the ceiling as tears fell from my eyes. I knew that I had fucked up. I didn't want this to end but it wasn't what was destined to happen. It didn't matter what I wanted because that wasn't what was supposed to happen. I would never once say that I wasn't in the wrong because absolutely I was. To say I was ashamed would be an understatement. It wasn't because I got caught that I was ashamed, it was because I had sunk to this point where I had gotten to there. I sighed, looking over at the clock, knowing it was time I had to get ready for the party except I no longer really cared.

Somehow I still managed to get myself up and looked around. I pulled on clothing that could function as a rockstar costume but were mostly my normal clothing. I didn't really feel like doing much of anything because everything kind of hurt. Somehow I still managed to bring myself out of my dorm and towards where the party was. One of the guys from my hall ran up behind me and shook my shoulders. I turned around and stared at him, he had a smirk on my face.

"Hey, Barakat, did you're friend find your room no problem," he asked.

"Yeah, my fiancee found it," I muttered.

"Oh so you have a boyfriend?"

"Had, I screwed everything up and I cheated on him and he found out. We are no longer engaged and we are both single now."

"Bro."

I lowered my head, I didn't need my hallmates telling me how much I had screwed up because I was already quite aware of what I had done and I was quite aware that I had screwed up already. I walked with him to the party trying to talk about anything that wasn't my failure at relationships. I always wondered if I would ever be able to forgive myself for this. I followed the guy, whom I've talked to on a few occasions, through the door.

I looked around trying to find someone I might've known and I saw that girl Lisa whom I'd had a few conversations with on occasions. She was a nice girl so I figured I'd try to talk to her so I went to go find her and I saw her talking to Alex. There was no way I could go over there because there's nothing I could ever say that would let him forgive me. I decided to not go over there, I just couldn't. I ignored that and went to find anything else.

After being there for a few hours and having a few drinks I continued to walk around to find people. In my state I didn't see a problem with trying to talk to Alex or Lisa. I walked over to where they were and sobered up quite quickly due to the sight. Something about seeing the you love making out with a girl was not what I expected to see.

Notes

Sorry my updates are quite sparatic and thank you for staying with me.

I have a question for all of y'all that read my stories. So until about mid May I'm going to have an insanely hectic schedule and I would like to ask you which stories you would like to see updated more than the other. My stories that I'm currently working on are this one, Undercover and What Can I Say. Which of these stories would you like to see updated more often than the others? I DO plan on finishing all of these stories. Letting me know will really help me plan out time better and get the best updates for all of these stories out instead of trying to just get updates out. Thank you all who answer ahead of time.

Title and lyric credit: Don't Walk Away - Sick Puppies