We – Hayley, Rian, and Zack – sat around the balcony just staring over the edge. We had been there ever since Jack was rolled away from our grasps, and we were all completely silent the entire time we were up there. That all changed, however, when Zack spoke up. “Do you think he'll be okay?” Hayley and I looked over Zack, frowning. We both knew what Zack was hinting at, and honestly, it made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to think of nothing about death because I couldn't lose Jack. I just got to call him mine; I couldn't lose him already.

“Zack,” Hayley sighed, “I have very high hopes that Jack will come out of that OR good as new. He's so strong; if he's survived four years of lung cancer, I think he can survive through this.” Hayley then turned to me. I guess my silence was a red alert to something negative, for she put an arm on my shoulder and said, “He’ll be okay, kiddo. Don't beat yourself up.”

"How can you sit there and tell me to not worry, Hayl?" I asked, my voice cracking due to me being on the verge of crying. "My bo”friend was puking blood and barely fucking breathing? Of course, I am going to fucking worry!” My scratchy voice soon evolved into strangled shouts. My nerves were shot; all the urges and bad thoughts were flooding my brain too fast for me to even control. Zack reached out to grab my thigh as a way to, I guess, calm me down, but it sure as hell didn't work. I just slapped his hand away from my thigh and started walking towards the door.

“Where do you think you're going, Gaskarth?” Zack called after me with a bitter tone. I turned my head to shoot him a deadly glare.

“Don't fucking call me Gaskarth. For the record, I want to be alone, so let me do what I want, Merrick.” I then proceeded to push through the doors and head downstairs. Actually, I wasn't going to be alone. I was heading to Mr. Way’s office. With how my mind was filled with terrible urges and thoughts, I thought visiting the one person who could help with my problems would be the best solution. So, I ran down the steps to the hall where his office was and barged right in once I arrived to his door. I entered to find Mr. Way sneezing up a storm due to his cold, and the smell of Ramen noodles overtook the room. When I entered, Mr. Way looked over at me, startled.

“Alex? What are you doing in here?” he questioned. I stomped over to the seat before his desk and slammed my bum right down into it. I was breathing heavily, resembling a wild animal. I kept my attention to the filing cabinet that was across the room instead of looking at Mr. Way.

“You said I should come down here when I'm awful urges, so here I am.” I spat. I heard Mr. Way let out a breath, and he set down his styrofoam cup of noodles onto his desk.

“You're having urges?” Mr. Way quizzed, “Why’s that, Alex?”

“Jack is fucking dying, and Hayley, Zack, and Rian are acting like I shouldn't worry! Jack is puking blood up and cannot breathe, and they have the ducking nerve to tell me to not worry! I'm going to lose my boyfriend, and they don't even care!” I rambled on. Mr. Way’s brows pinched together.

“Boyfriend? Jack is your boyfriend?” Shit. I totally forgot that I hadn't told Mr. Way about my relationship with Jack. Oh well, better now than never.

"Yeah.” I nodded, “It's been a few weeks. That's aside the point, honestly. The point is, Jack is in surgery right now, and I have no fucking clue if he’ll come out alive, Mr. Way! What if he doesn't? I couldn't live on without him!” Mr. Way looked at me, frowning.

“Alex, please, calm down. I can contact a nurse maybe to see how Jack’s procedure is going.” Mr. Way suggested. That perked my attention immediately.

“Really?”

"Absolutely. Just give me a moment.” Mr. Way went on to dial some nurse. He spoke to her about Jack, and he asked whether or not he was out of surgery. A few ‘uh huh’s later, Mr. Way thanked the nurse and hung up. He looked at me, a faint smile curling on his lips. “Well, Jack is in recovery. He is okay, but he needs to be on oxygen for a bit. Sadly, his lungs are growing weak, so the doctors are trying to figure out to strengthen them – if that's even possible.” Yeah, Mr. Way was telling me Jack was sorta okay, but hearing that Jack’s lungs were practically giving up on him was enough to make my heart ache. That was never a good sign, especially for someone who has a deadly disease in their lungs.

“Did the nurse say whether or not I could visit him?” I wondered. My question made Mr. Way smile wider.

“They said you can visit him. Do you want me to take you up to him?” I shook my head, standing up from the seat to begin heading towards the door.

"Nope! I can get there on my own, but thanks anyway, Mr. Way.”

“You're welcome, Alex.” Mr. Way nodded. “And, thank you for coming down to see my for your urges. It lets me know that you truly do want me to do my job around here.”

---

It took me a but to find the recovery ward, but when I found it, I scavenged around to find the room Jack was resting in. I finally found him in a room at the midst of the hall. He was lying in the bed, IVs all over, and he has clips inside of his nose which I assumed was providing him the oxygen he needed. I walked in slowly and quietly to make sure I didn't wake him, but I guess he was lightly sleeping because the minute I stepped inside, Jack’s eyes fluttered open. The presence of me made him smile wide. “Lexy.” Jack said in a soft, scratchy tone. I pulled up a chair and sat beside him. I took hold of his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Yes, Jack. It's me.” I whispered. Jack looked up at me.

“I'm not dead.” Jack chuckled. Although he was trying to crack a joke, the words struck a sore spot. I bit my lip.

“I'm glad you're not, Jack… I don't want to lose you.”

“Where are the others?”

“They're up on the balcony. I was with them until I visited Mr. Way. I needed someone to talk to about all this because it's honestly a lot on me.” My words made Jack stick out his bottom lip. He opened up his arms, careful to not yank out any of his IVs.

"C'mere, my dad little cupcake.” I leaned into his arms, taking in his scent. His cologne was still as strong as ever, and his warmth still radiated off him as hot as molten lava. His shaky hands petted my hair, smoothing it out. “It's going to be okay, baby. I'm going to be just fine. It'll just take some time for the doctors to fix up what's wrong with me is all.” All I could do was nod. I pulled away from the hug and climbed over him. I snuggled into the empty spot beside him, and I rested my head on top of his chest. I could hear his heart beat, and it was music to my ears. It was a song of life – a song that reminded me that Jack was still here with me. I looked up to see Jack’s eyes laying upon me.

“Jack?” I called out lightly. Jack looked down.

“Hm?” he purred.

“… I love you.” My words came out lightly, and I meant every syllable. Jack gave me a wide smile, all teeth, and leaned down to kiss me. I accepted the kiss, and once it concluded, I rested my head back down on his chest to have his heart beat’s sweet tune lull me into slumber.

Notes

decided to write a chapter up while I'm up late because I can't sleep and kinda had an idea for the chapter. I tried to edit it as best as I could, and since I'm exhausted, this may be all types of fucked up lmao.

i hope you enjoy this chapter. Sadly, no Jack gif bc I'm on my tablet.

until next time ❤️❤️❤️

xoxo krys