The slumber I had with Jack after him coming out of surgery was the best slumber I had gotten in years. Jack’s arms were tightly around the whole night, and at some points, he would wake me up because of him squeezing onto me to make sure I was still there. I felt at home in his arms; I never wanted to leave them. I was surprised that no nurse had come in to tell me I had to leave because the doctors wanted to check up on him, but I didn’t complain. It just meant I got more time with Jack.

It was 10 in the morning when I felt someone shake me awake. Thinking it was Jack, I mumbled, “Not now, baby… I’m still tired.” My theory of it being Jack went straight out the window when Nurse Tay spoke up.

“Baby? Wow, I guess we’re on those kind of terms now.” I sat up slowly and stuck out my tongue lazily. I was still pretty out of it from my slumber, so my actions were slow and lazy. Nurse Tay gave me a gummy smile. “Anyway, sugar plum, you’re breakfast is upstairs in your room when you’re ready for it. Mr. Way also said you have an appointment today at five. He knows it’s pretty late notice, but he really needs to speak to you about something.”

“Okay,” I nodded as I rested my head back down, “I’ll be there to get my breakfast soon. I promise.” I pulled the covers back over Jack and I, and it caused Jack to pull me closer to his body. I gladly accepted the closeness.

“I’ll see you soon to take you to your appointment, love-bird number one.” Nurse Tay walked out of Jack’s room with a shut of the door. I looked up at Jack, once we were alone, to see his eyes still shut and tiny little breaths escaping his nostrils.

“Jacky?”I called out to him lightly. My voice made Jack’s eyelids creak open just a tad, and I had those beautiful brown/hazel eyes just staring down at me.

“Yes, prince?” Jack answered. It was weird hearing Jack’s voice; it was scratchier today, and it seemed like it was harder for Jack to get out words. Maybe that was because of his lungs weakening?

“Nurse Tay said that my breakfast was upstairs, and I have an appointment with Mr. Way at five. I was probably going to go up to my room, eat, and relax for a bit before I go to my appointment. Would that be okay with you, babe?” Jack smiled, caressing my soft cheek.

“Of course, baby. You go do what you have to do, and I’ll be right here waiting. I promise I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.” I leaned in and pressed my lips against Jack’s. God, his lips were colder than usual. I frowned when I pulled away. “What’s wrong, boo?” Jack asked. I didn’t reply. Instead, I took the covers and stuffed in them tightly like a burrito.

“You’re cold, sweetie! Warm up in the blankets and when I get back from all my plans today, I’ll come back here and watch a movie with you. I have Home Alone in my suitcase, and I know that’s you’re favorite movie of all time.”

“Hayley told you?” Jack gasped, blushing in embarrassment.

“She has told me so much about you.” I stuck my tongue out at him. Jack shoved me playfully.

“Get out of here, buckaroo and go eat your breakfast.”

---

At five o’clock, I strolled inside of Mr. Way’s office. Mr. Way looked up at me with the biggest smile I had ever seen on any human being. The sight made me step back a little in shock. “What’s gotten you so happy, Mr. Way?” I asked as I decided to sit down.

“The news I’m about to tell you!” Mr. Way exclaimed.

“News? What news?”

“Alex, you’re being released!” The words made my eyes bulge from my head. Released? How? Did I really get better this quick? It made no sense; I felt like I was only here for a day!

“Released? Now?”

“Yup! Your sessions have really showed that you made improvement! You’ve been eating normally, your sessions have went from negative to positive, and just… you’re healthy! You’ll have to come back once a month for a session with me for a few months, but after that, you’re officially healthy.” The news, although shocking, made me ecstatic. I was going to get to see my family and friends again! After what felt like years of not seeing them, I would get to be with them once again! I stood up and squeezed Mr. Way tightly in an embrace.

“This is so great! When am I leaving?” I asked happily as I pulled away from the embrace.

“Your parents said they’ll be able to pick you up tomorrow afternoon. That means you got a whole night with your friends and Jack before you leave.”

“You don’t know how happy I am to hear that I finally get to go home! I’ll miss everyone so much, but… it’ll be good to be home again.”

“Well,” Mr. Way put a hand on my shoulder, “you better go spend time with all your friends before you leave tomorrow.” Mr. Way held out a hand for me to shake. “It was a pleasure working with you every week, Alex. I’ll miss the weekly sessions, but monthly ones will do enough justice.” I let out a giggle and shook his hand.

“Same here, Mr. Way. Thank you so much for your help.”

---

I ran to the recovery ward instead of my room to see Nurse Tay and tell her the news. Jack deserved to know first in my opinion, and that was exactly what I was going to do. I got into his room and saw him still resting. Jeez, that surgery must have taken a lot out of him. I thought, however, that waking him up to tell him the news wouldn’t be too bad, so I started shaking him. “Jack, Jack! Baby, get up! I have great news to tell you!” I shook him lightly, but it wasn’t doing anything. So, I strengthened my shakes. “Jack, baby. Come on, time to get up.” Nothing was working. My shakes weren’t waking him up; was he that much of a heavy sleeper? I decided to climb ontop of him and wiggle my butt into his groin while poking at his cheeks. The touch of my fingertip to his cheek was like ice. I pulled my hand back shakily. Not waking up, ice cold skin -- oh my God.

“Jack!” I was shouting now. I started to shove him like a football player tackling its opponent. “Jack! Get the fuck up!” I leaned down to his breast to listen for his heartbeat. My stomach plummeted, and my hearing began to get drowned out by the sound of waves. There was no heartbeat -- Jack’s heart was not beating. My body went into instant panic mode. I began to push the emergency button on the bed’s remote as fast as I could while also screaming out to the hall, “Help! Somebody help! He’s not breathing!”

The room was soon filled with dozens of nurses and two doctors. In a hectic frenzy, I was shoved aside so the doctors could assist Jack. They pulled out defibrillators and began to charge them. In the meantime, a nurse tore open Jack’s shirt. Once the defibrillators were fully charge, the doctor shouted, “Stand back!” The doctor counted down from three before chanting, “Clear!”, while slamming the pads against Jack’s chest. The electric shock went through Jack’s entire body, sending his upper torso upward and having it slam back down on the bed. The heart monitor on the defibrillator machine still had a flat line, so the doctor charged up the pads and chanted once more, “Clear!”.

Again, nothing.

He charges the pads.

“Clear!”

Nothing.

Charges the pads.

“Clear!”

…

Nothing.

After five tries, the doctor slammed the pads down onto the machine in disappointment, aggravation, and loss of hope. The next words out of his mouth tore my entire body into two pieces. “Time of death: 5:45 P.M.”

“NO!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “JACK! YOU’RE NOT DEAD! COME BACK!” I begged out into the open. I started throwing the things around me at walls, things shattering while others putting dents into the walls. My outburst was so ferocious that two security guards had to come in, yank me off the floor, and drag me out of the room. In their grip, I was kicking and screaming for them to put me down. I turned my head one last time to see the doctors covering Jack’s beautiful face with a sheet.

---

THAT NIGHT

The security guards put me in my room after the outburst. I didn’t fight them; what was the point? They would keep me solitare in there until Jack’s body was moved to the morgue. I sat on my bed replaying the moments in my head. Jack was so happy this morning. He promised he wasn’t going anywhere, and when I come back, he’s gone. He left for heaven without even giving me a goodbye; he left me here alone. I looked at the Dora balloon that was on my shelf, and it made me just think of Jack. His smile, his lips, his warmth, his voice; everything he had and owned -- once owned -- was just gold. I couldn’t find anyone like that in my future; he was my future. Immediately, I knew what I had to do.

I found myself on the balcony all alone. It was just like that night when I thought killing myself would be a good idea, but I knew then it wasn’t my time to. Now, as I put myself back up onto that railing and had my back turned to the city below me, I knew that now was the time to go to heaven. I would be with Jack and be able to give him that goodbye, but instead, it wouldn’t be a goodbye. It would be a hello and a promise to be with him forever.

I took in one last gust of air through my mouth and nostrils. It smelled like Earth, and it tasted like sweetness. I smiled and shut my eyes. I held out my arms like a plane, counted to three in my head, and let the balls of my ankles retreat from the railing. The air that embraced me grew thicker and netted, and the inertia quickened. My feet were soon completely off the railing, and in a matter of seconds, I was flying. I wasn’t falling, you see. My body was falling, but my soul and happiness was flying high into the sky. Waves of sound crashed into my eardrums, but I could faintly hear screams from people who I assumed were watching my body plummet to the ground from the top story of Youth Health Center.

Mr. Way was wrong about me being healthy; I was still very, very sick, and now, I would be healed. All my pain and sickness would be gone; in heaven with Jack, we will both be healthy and good as new.

There was no regret in me as I lived my final seconds of life. I still had a smile on my face with shut eyes as hit the concluding second of my life. When that second was over, my body collided with the ambulance that was placed just in the right place to “cushion” my fall. My whole body was soon consumed by numbness, and everything went black.

The End.

Notes

i'll save what i have to say for the author's note

xoxo krys