What Can I Say

She was beautiful, how could she not see that. Her hair fell down her back like a waterfall of gold. Her figure was small and delicate, her blood red lips tugged softly into a smirk that she wore so well. I looked at the shirt that was cut to oblivion that hung off her body. How the skinny jeans hugged every inch of her perfectly. I looked at her signature combat boots that she would wear with everything. She ran her long fingers through her hair. She used to play piano and guitar. She talks back to those days, wishing they had the money to keep her in lessons. It's her voice I love the most. She switches between screams and cleans almost seamlessly. You'd never know about her screams if she never did them, she didn't like to talk about it.

I couldn't look away from her, every inch of her was perfect and precise. Her perfect eyeliner around her soft gray eyes to the way her hair fell. I was texting Jack about it, he knew that my feelings for her had never gone away, I merely got better at hiding it. How do you tell a girl who doesn't believe in love that you love her? You can't because anything you say she'll never believe. She'll push it off as hormones, as stupid emotions that she was incapable of feeling because that wasn't something she deserved. I know how she thinks about herself and she doesn't deserve to. She needs something more than any man could give her.

"Alex, are we going," she asked.

"Yeah, let's go," I smiled.

I followed her out to her car. She has a small black leather bag by her side which is her purse. She looked absolutely incredible, I loved the way her tattoos contrasted her pale skin. She had the most out of the group and had more plans for them. On some girls they don't look good but on her it looks weird to not see them. I climbed into the car next to her and she smiled softly, moving her hair in front of her face. I moved my eyes down, I was so beyond help with her.

The car ride was mostly silent, only The Pretty Reckless broke the complete silence. Every now and then Shay's voice would break out throughout the sound and I couldn't help but smile. She was beauty incarnated, she was not a person but an angel because no person can look like that. How did she not think this when she looked in the mirror, how could she possible think she was anything other than perfection?

"Stop staring at me Alex," she said.

"I'm sorry Shay-leigh," I said.

"You're such a dork."

Her face was bright red as she turned her attention back to the road. She looked adorable as she was focused on anything that wasn't me. I'd never seen her the way she was now, she was so afraid of even me, what had I done to her? I could never dream of hurting her, she was my everything, my much better half. What I would give to hold her in my embrace just one more time.

I wanted to reach out for her hand as we walked towards the building but the knowledge of rejection bubbled inside m, preventing me from even the slightest touch of her skin. I wanted to hold her against me as we walked, I wanted to hold her hand and keep her from going into every store I knew she would venture into. I wanted her to pout at me, begging me that it was only going to be thirty minutes in Victoria's Secret instead of an hour. I knew that I could never have that with her.

She swears she doesn't believe in love but how can a human not? From the moment they are raised they are taught love by their parents that teach them the only thing an infant can learn. How can she not believe in love when it is the only thing that has healed her every wound aside from time itself? Maybe she doesn't believe in love because then she'd believe in hate. Maybe then she'd see that she is indeed self-loathing and begin to hate herself more. Maybe she doesn't believe in love to not protect others from her but to protect herself from the demons inside her brain.

"I think I can see smoke coming out of your brain, you okay buddy," she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine just a bunch of song ideas," I smiled. "If I wrote a song would you sing it with me?"

"You know I can't sing though."

"I promise you that you can. Please?"

"I'm going to suck but fine, for you. You owe me."

"I'll buy you an Orange Julius. How does that sound?"

She smiled at me before running towards the food court. She was so kind-hearted, so soft, so fragile how could she hurt someone? I could never see her with someone's heart in her hand, broken like a child would leave it. She was meticulous, precise, it would only that way if she had intended it from the very beginning. She was to sweet to do that to another human being. Maybe she needed someone to show her love so that she would be able to love again later in life. She deserved her other half and I wanted to be the person that to her, but how?

Notes

Now you get to see inside of Alex's mind which is an interesting place. He is very mechanical in this, desperate to find an answer to a question instead of going with it. I wanted to show what kind of guy he is and how he is to Shay. I also tried to make it kind of cute without over loading it. That's the last chapter for today because I need to be up in 7 hours and I'm not tired. My parents are in town and it's lovely cause everything is free again cause they are buying stuff and yes! Grocery shopping tomorrow will be lovely.

Leave a comment and rate if you enjoy :)

Title Credit: Stay Away From My Friends - Pierce The Veil