What Can I Say

I woke up, my head on Alex's chest, around noon. I curled more into his warmth, it felt good to be like this with someone close. I let my head rise and fall slowly with his chest. His arms were wrapped tightly around my thin body. I enjoyed the feeling of being this close to another. I relished with the feeling, knowing that only Alex was going to make me feel this way. I'd never marry, I'd never date another person. I couldn't be that close to someone else. I couldn't risk hurting them because I would never be able to live with myself if I did hurt them.

"Mornin'," Alex groaned.

"Good morning sunshine," I smiled at him.

"How long have you been up?"

"I'd say about thirty minutes."

"You could've woken me up."

"I was comfortable."

That's when we both realized how we were laying. He quickly retracted his arm from around me and pushed himself away from me. I immediately missed the closeness that we had had only moments ago. I wanted him to hold me once again. I didn't want him, I only wanted his closeness. I wanted his arms around my waist and his chest under my head. I just wanted him but I could never have him. I felt no emotion for him. I could never feel any emotions like that, it just wasn't for me.

Instead of my best friend next to me I now felt a brick wall. It felt as if there were nothing there, just the wall and I hated that feeling. I felt so alone, physically and mentally. I may not want closeness but on the same hand I really wanted closeness. I sighed at the fact that this was as close to closeness as I was going to get in my life. I didn't mind the empty feeling my bed had, my heart had. It was what it was and I had no intention to change it any time soon. Maybe I'm just pathetic.

"Do you want to get breakfast or would you rather continue to stare at me," he asked.

"I'm sorry what," I stammered.

"You'd rather stare at me wouldn't you?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You think I'm hot don't you?"

"You're nice to look at. I can't lie to you."

He smirked and pushed me out of the bed. I thumped on the ground as I landed. I spazzed out as he laughed at my state. I stood up, fixing the skimpy tank top I was wearing. I put my phone into the pocket of Alex's sweat pants that I had long ago stolen. He climbed out of my mess of comforters and blankets so his shirtless torso was facing me. I couldn't help but bite my lip, my best friend was hot say the least.

"Put a shirt on dweeb," I poked his stomach.

"You seem to like it better when I don't wear one though," he retorted.

"I cannot tell a lie, my best friend is hot. However, I also want you to put a shirt on."

He sighed and pulled a hoodie from the pile. Most of them were his anyway so it was going to fit him perfectly anyway. I did just steal Alex's clothes, they were big on me and they felt nice. What else were best friends for anyway? I looked over and saw him tapping away on his phone. I figured it was to Brit because I really thought that they would be cute together.

"Hey, Shay," he asked suddenly.

"Yeah," I responded.

"Would you ever date again?"

"Probably not. It doesn't end well for anyone. Why?"

"Cause you're a beautiful, sweet girl and you deserve someone who is going to treat you like that and show you that. You deserve it and you deserve to have someone who will not sleep until you believe that you are as wonderful and perfect you are."

"Where is this coming from Lex," I asked.

"Just needed to be said. You want pancakes?"

I nodded and followed him down the stairs. What did any of that mean? What was it supposed to mean? Did he still have feelings for me from all those years ago? There was no way. No one could ever love me. I would never let anybody love me again. It had to be his concern. While he was my best friend though, he always told me everything he said I deserve to hear. I didn't need anyone else.

Notes

Chapter three cause I'm on that chapter grind. I might get one more out before the night is over but I have no idea. My roommate and I are listening to dubstep and other electronic music and it's pretty great. Alex getting all deep and emotional though, ain't it cute.

Leave a comment and rate if you enjoy :)

Title Credit: Dearest, I'm So Sorry - Picture Me Broken