"Lex, I love you."

That was all I had wanted to hear for so long except I had always wanted her to mean it. I knew she didn't because she willingly hurt me by dating Trent again. Why couldn't she see that she wasn't supposed to fall asleep in his arms? Why couldn't she see that I was who she was supposed to be with because I wanted to show her off. I wanted to prove to her that she was everything I had wanted and she was the best thing in the world but she didn't want that. She wanted her own independence. She didn't want love.

"Don't say things you don't mean," I said, shaking my head.

"Why would I? What's the point of speaking if it doesn't mean anything," she replied even softer.

"Because you said love and that's how I know you don't mean it."

"Alex, you realize that you're saying that Jack knows me better then you. He has seen it for so long that I'm so in love with you. I'm sorry I broke your heart and left you trying to reassemble the pieces that got mixed up with broken glass. I'm sorry I couldn't bare to help you as you spent night after night questioning why you left your heart in the hands of a clumsy, irresponsible girl. I'm sorry that I didn't warn you before I left you, I just wasn't sure how to."

"Shay, you don't know what you're saying. Think this through."

"Alex, I know exactly what I'm saying. I'm absolutely in love with you. I don't want to lose you. I want to make things right. I want to be with you, even if that is only in friends. I'm afraid to lose you. I just want you to be happy, even if it's without me. I love you."

My friend, the one who I had written Remembering Sunday for right before we started dating and into the early days of our relationship. The girl I was going to bring on stage with my to sing it once it was in performance quality. This was the girl who I thought only in my dreams I would hear those words from. The girl I had been in love with for years and now she was telling me the same thing that I had been craving to hear but had given up hope of ever hearing. This was the girl I'd give up anything for.

However, I wasn't in any place to say anything here. She had a boyfriend. More than that I wasn't ready to risk yet another heartbreak for someone I wasn't even sure was worth it. I was fine with being friends with her but I didn't want to get hurt yet again. She was something of beauty and grace but so was a succubus. I had never thought that I would see my friend and compare her to a succubus or a siren but she should've come with a warning label. One that reads: Caution, will leave you with no answer all alone. Even though that's how I saw her now I still saw her for all she presented throughout the years. A kind heart with god intentions, wrapped up behind a wall and decorated to look beautiful on the outside. A siren was beautiful too and think of what they did, sometimes beauty is dangerous. That's a bold statement when you think about it. Beauty is dangerous. Maybe that's because we trust the outside too much. There's so much you can hide behind a beautiful face and a beautiful smile.

Maybe I was thinking too deep into this. Shay was the person who told me that I shouldn't say anything I didn't mean. That's why every song I had wrote about her was anything but meaningless. It showed how much I'd do for her out of love. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved her, I've known this for years and I simply ignored it. I would be possible to ignore it for the rest of my life, it would be easy to cut her off. Maybe it would only be easy for a minute or maybe a day at most but I loved having her there to listen to me at three in the morning. To sneak out with me so that we could talk about everything and nothing all at once. Maybe it would be easy to forget that but maybe it would be the most impossible thing there is. Maybe being around her was like breathing and without her I'd slowly suffocate trying to find something to help me.

Why was I even questioning this? Without her it felt like there had been a weight on my chest, slowly pressing the air out of me, preventing me from breathing right. Without her it felt like my world was crashing down on me. I needed her to just feel like a human and now I was questioning if I needed her. She was my other half and there was no doubt about that. She was my soulmate, I shouldn't be questioning this. I need to tell her the truth, I need to let her know. If she could say it then why couldn't I? Was I still bitter about it? Was I just a bad person who knew that I had to hold back?

"Lex, please say something," she whispered.

I knew I couldn't. Not because I didn't want to but because there was something in me preventing me from saying it. I couldn't tell her any of this because it felt like the words were holding my tongue hostage and there was no way for it to get free. It was trapped where it laid and there was no saving it.

I ended the call before I could tell her what she already knew because it was impossible for me to tell her that. Not because it was untrue for me to say that four letter word but because I just couldn't say it. Not right now, not after everything that had happened. Maybe I was just a bitter teenage boy or maybe I was just cold.

Notes

Interesting isn't it? (No, there can't be a happily ever after. Not yet anyway.) I know I've updated this one two times in a row but ideas have just been coming to me really easily so this was the best one for me to update during exam week. I've got two done already and just have three more, one of those is juries though. It'll be nice to be home for a few months at the end of the week though and I'm ready for this break. I'm also going to a festival next weekend which I am more then ready for right now. Sorry for the chapter going in an opposite direction then people probably expected but there's a reason for it I promise.

Leave a comment and rate if you enjoyed :)

Title credit: The Blame Game - City of the Weak