What Can I Say

Trent had left and now I was just sitting in my room torn. I felt something for Trent but I also felt something from Alex and I just wasn't sure what was stronger of the two. I mean, both I had dated only briefly and I just wasn't really sure of anything. So I was just sitting on my floor playing with my rug, Alex's number typed into my phone but I didn't have enough guts to ever call him. Maybe I should call Jack because he was one of the few people I could confide in.

I looked up at my wall and among all the band posters I saw one of the guys band where they somehow convinced me to sing with them. I giggled slightly because of how happy I had been during that time and how Alex and I interacted with each other and having a great stage presence. I stood up and looked at the pictures of Alex and I that were taped to my wall among the band posters and smiled softly looked at our dorky selves. He was my best friend and I was still afraid to lose him but at this moment I was certain I had already lost him.

I looked down at myself and noticed that I was wearing one of Alex's Blink hoodies. I lifted the sleeve to my nose smelling it softly, taking in Alex's scent once again. I loved the smell of his cologne. I closed my eyes and imaged that once again I was curled into his side, sleeping next to him. That when I would wake up in the morning I would be able to look into his hazel eyes and smile but I knew the chances of that happening again would be so slim. I picked up my phone and dialed Jack's number, desperate to talk to someone about this.

"Shay, you alright," he asked.

"I think so. I'm just confused," I answered.

"What's confusing you?"

"I think I feel something more for Alex then Trent but I don't want to hurt either of them. I don't want to lose Alex."

"Don't fuck with Alex's emotion please. I'm not even saying this as his best friend, I'm saying this as a person. He loves you and I don't want to see him hurt."

"I don't want to see him hurt either and now you see why I'm so confused."

"Are you saying that you love Alex and want him back?"

"I'm saying that I feel something for him but I also feel something for my boyfriend and I'm not entirely sure which one is stronger. I'm also saying that I miss my best friend but there's no way he'll talk to me again because I wouldn't talk to myself either."

"Shay, I know you regret a lot of this whole situation but you just need to talk to him and make things right."

"How do I do that?"

"Dump Trent because I know that once he breaks your heart Alex isn't going to sit there picking up the pieces of your heart. You were there to pick up the mess you made and he may not pick yours up either."

"Jack, you know what I'm not saying don't you?"

"I want you to say it and I want you to say it to him."

"Jack, I think I'm in love with Alex."

"Tell him that."

The line went dead and that four letter word drifted around my head. Love. I never thought I would say it. I didn't think it existed. But now I had said it, I felt it from not only a guy but my best friend at that. I should've been there to pick up the mess I made, then again I shouldn't have put him in that position in the first place but I did and now all I could do was make it right, there was nothing for me to fix at all. Even if we were just meant to be friends I needed my best friend back in my life.

Notes

Sorry it's a shorter chapter, I'm on pain meds that make me kinda drowsy but I wanted to get a chapter out this week and now was the only time I could. But she said something important in this! I had a tooth removed yesterday and trust me, if you can avoid this, please do it's not fun (not a wisdom tooth, a molar). I'm also going to a concert on Friday night with some of my friends from college which is going to be a ton of fun (Starship (as in Jefferson Starship)) so I'm really looking forward to that. Like I said, I'm going to try to get an update out a week until my schedule clears up some after exams and everything cause it's crunch time now and I'm almost done with my first year of college.

Please leave a comment and rate if you enjoy :)

Title credit: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots