What Can I Say

"Please don't make me go to school Mom," I begged.

"Why, because you and Alex broke up? That's not a good enough reason," she told me.

"Because of everything. Not just the break up."

"You're a teenager shit happens. It was a simple break up which isn't too bad."

"You don't know what he said. You don't know what happened. You don't know me!"

"Just go to school."

My mother walked out of the kitchen, her hands in the air. I groaned, pulling my combat boots on I would go for a portion of the day just to make her happy. I would just need to get the phone before she did, I didn't need her questioning why I wasn't at school. I was going to go to school until my mom went to work so that it was safe for me to leave. I had to make it till noon, that wasn't impossible right?

I got in the car and blasted the music to an ear shattering level. The closer I go to my school the more I dreaded going there. I just had to make it till noon, that's when I wouldn't run the risk of my mother seeing me. I pulled into the parking lot and saw the three boys near Rian's car. I pulled the hood of my jacket up and quickly hurried away. I was hoping they hadn't seen me.

I walked into the building and sat on one of the benches against the wall. I started digging in my book bag desperate to find my iPod. I finally found it and quickly went to start the music but I was stopped by a cough from next to me. I looked over to see a smiling Trent next to me.

"Hey," I said, my eyes finally able to meet his.

"It's been a while. You look good," he said, smiling at me.

"Uh, yeah, you too."

"Are you still with that guy? What's his name like Alan or something?"

"You mean Alex? No, we broke up a bit ago."

"Oh, alright. Did you hear Disturbed is coming into town soon?"

"Yeah, I was going to go but I don't really have anyone to go with anymore..."

"Do you want to go with me?"

"Uh, sure."

He smiled and right before I spoke the bell rang telling us to get to class. As I was getting ready to stand up Trent held his hand out for me to grab. I took it and he helped me up, smiling at me. I smiled back before looking down at the ground, a reddish tint covering my cheeks. He handed me my bag and walked with my to the music room where we spent our first class together.

We walked in and one of the other girls saw this and flipped her hair quickly taking the attention of the other girls. I knew they were talking shit about me because they weren't very good at hiding it. Rian ran in a few minutes later seeing as it was a percussion class. Rian looked at me sitting on the window sill with Trent next to me. He walked over to us and Trent took that as a queue to leave.

"What was that," he asked.

"Why do you care," I muttered.

"Just because you broke up with Alex doesn't mean I'm not allowed to talk to you."

"He sure made it sound that way. If you must know we were talking about going to see Disturbed together. Are you done interrogating me mother?"

"Shay, there's something seriously wrong. Zack told me about what you told him."

"Of course he did. Look, there's things that I can't explain to you. Just forget it, it has to be easier to forget it than ruin your reputation trying to keep in touch with me."

"Shay, why did you break up with him?"

"That reason is so complex I don't want to get into it at the moment."

He grabbed my hand, pulling me into the storage room. We ignore all the wolf whistles from the others in the room. They had no idea how wrong their assumptions were. We weren't doing what they thought we were, we just needed the privacy to continue this talk.

"Shay, what broke you this bad? Alex doesn't know, Zack doesn't know, Jack doesn't know. You can tell us anything," he pleaded.

"My own parents don't even know. If I explain it... I lose everything I had been working towards," I whispered.

"I'm not going to stop talking to you because of one small thing."

"Everyone else that found out had. This story is actually the reason I moved back to this hell hole of a town."

"Shay, I swear I won't leave your side."

"Fine."

I climbed up onto the counter and sighed as I watched him sit in a chair not to far form me. I don't know what came over me but I was about to tell one of my darkest secrets. I sighed, putting my face in my hands, wanting to cry.

"Alright, so back in elementary school I had this friend and we both had some problems. I was heavily bullied for many reasons as was he. We would often sit at recess and discuss things. He moved away in the later years of elementary school but we still talked and kept in touch. A few months later, he was about twelve and I was eleven; I called him and his dad picked up instead. He gave me the message of Scott's overdose. I hung up and that's when my life changed. What I had never had the ability to tell Scott is I had fallen in love with him. After his death I began to believe that no on could ever fall in love with me. That it was pointless to fall in love with someone because they would leave by choice or not. It was pointless for me to fall in love because they wouldn't be here for long. No one could ever love me because I would ultimately hurt them because I fear commitment," I explained.

"Oh Shay," he began.

"Don't pity me. It happened and it's sad but there's nothing that can be done."

"Don't say that Shayley. You're acting like it doesn't affect you but I can see it in your eyes that you do care still. It will always have some effect on you."

"Don't fucking call my Shayley. Don't act like you know me Rian. Don't you dare tell anyone."

"Shay, I said I wouldn't tell anyone."

I went to leave the room and he grabbed my arm. He pulled me to face him but I couldn't help but squeak as I suddenly faced him. It startled me but that was really it.

"Talk to Alex, don't tell him about Trent trying to come back into your life. You just need to talk to Alex," Rian said.

Notes

Sorry it's been a while since an update on this story, I got kinda busy with other stuff. Sorry this chapter is rather dark but it gave a lot of information.

Rate and comment if you enjoy :)

Title credit: Bruised - Jack's Mannquin