What Can I Say

Somehow I was always right. I always had a feeling when something was going to happen and that feeling was always right. I was sitting on my floor feeling everything and nothing all at once. It felt like I had just been stabbed but as much as it hurt I didn't feel it. I wanted to cry but I merely couldn't. Why was this to happen?

I kept reaching for my phone but I refused to type in that one number. I needed him but I remembered that I didn't have him anymore because he hated me. I never once blamed him. It was my fault and mine alone. I threw the phone across the room, laying my back on the carpet. Tears fell quietly from my eyes, it felt as if my soul had been ripped from my body, leaving me feel more empty than I ever have before. I couldn't get the words out of my mind.

"Sweetie, Mr. Smith isn't fighting cancer anymore," my mother told me.

"That's great! If anyone was strong enough to survive it then it was Mr. Smith," I smiled.

"Sweetie. He lost the fight. I'm sorry."

"Oh."

Mr. Smith had been the one person to push me when no one else did. He believed and me and supported my dreams and even gave me the courage to sing in front of people. He had helped mold me into the person I had been today and suddenly, a few days before I was supposed to sing for the first time in front of him, he wouldn't be there. He wouldn't be sitting in the back row cheering me on. Now, instead of seeing his smiling face telling me I could do it, I would see an empty chair with only memories left to fill it.

"Why," I whispered softly.

My voice was broken and barely loud enough to fill my small bedroom. I couldn't think about using my voice wanting to explode into tears because the sheer thought of it was too much. I couldn't even thinking about going to my concert in a few days because who was going to cheer me on if not him? Who else would somehow gather the strength to force themselves there and into the chairs just to see me? Not my friends, what friends did I have left?

"Why him? Why? If you are caring why did you do this," I whispered to the sky.

I looked through my tear filled eyes and merely sent Zack a text saying I need you. Within a few minutes I heard a knock on my bedroom door. It flew open seconds later and my bass player friend pulled me into his lap, letting me cry into him. He stroked my back, trying to calm me down.

"Why did you come," I asked.

"Because whatever happened between you and Alex doesn't matter. I'm not picking any side. I'm where I need to be. Tell me what happened when you're ready," he whispered.

"I wouldn't have come."

"You aren't me."

It took a while for me to calm down. I was too worked up to merely stop and I didn't want Zack to get frustrated and leave. He was still holding me in his arms, rocking me softly. I was exhausted because I was mentally drained. I felt Zack kiss the top of my head as he laid me in my bed.

"Shay, it's not your fault. None of it is," he whispered.

I was going to respond but the exhaustion pulled me under before I could get the words out. I needed to remember to thank him later.

Notes

This chapter is based off of a true event in my life (right after my first break up) so I wanted to throw it in. I'm sorry I won't really be on a consistent updating schedule, I had two bombshells dropped on me when I got home for break and I still can't process it.

I saw All Time Low last night and it was great. We got to stand on chairs and unfortunately it had to end.

Drop a comment and a rate :)

Title Credit: Need You Now - Lady Antebellum