We don't belong here

Alex's POV

I woken up by shuffling somewhere in the room.
I sat up and realize that I wasn't on the floor but I was on my bed.
I looked up and saw Jack pacing up and down the room digging his nails into his arm and dragging them up and down his arm.
He was muttering something but I couldn't hear what he was saying.
I got off the bed and looked at my other hiding place and they hadn't found the stuff which I was hiding there so I got out two blades.
I went over to Jack.
"If you want to hurt yourself then use this." I said handing him the blade.
He looked at me
I don't understand why he looked so broken.
He took it and went over to his bed, which was still by the door, and sat with his back to me.
"Their new so the harder you push down the deeper the cut." I said quietly and went over to my bed and sat with my back to Jack.
"Cut long ways so like your going down your arm. It's harder for them to stitch than if you cut arcoss your arm." I said.
I dont know why im telling Jack this.
I didnt care either because i felt so low i didnt care what i did or say to anyone.

I took my top off and looked at my scar covered body.
'Do it.' A voice inside my head said.
I didn't feel like I wanted to argue back with it so I got the blade and pressed down hard and dragged it along my wrist.
I watched the blood leave my body.
That was it I just cut my body up hoping I would lose enough blood then I would die and no one will have to see me again.
When I had finished I still wanted to cut but I had literally cut my body up so much that I couldn't.
I sat there and looked at the blood leaving and staining my bed covers red.
I dropped the blade onto my bed and my hands went to my face and I started to cry hard.

I felt the bed dip behind me.
I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder.
It was sticky and I didn't like it but I didn't move away.
"I've fucked up." I whispered.
"So have I so your not alone." Jack said quietly.
I turned around and saw Jack.
He had cut both his arms and they where really deep cuts.
"I'm so stupid." I said and looked down.
"No your not. Your anything but that." Jack said and pulled me into his side and I started to cry again.
Then the nurses managed to come into the room.
"Oh my god." She said and stopped and went and got more people.
"Guess we're gonna be on suicide watch." I said quietly and pulled away.
Jack nodded.
Then my hand started to hurt.
"My hand hurts." I muttered.
"Well you did punch a really hard wall about 10 times really hard." Jack smiled.
"Oh." I said quietly.
I don't remember doing that.

The nurses came back in.
"You guys take Jack and we take Alex." She said and looked at the others.
Jack moved closer to me.
"It'll be fine okay." I said quietly slowly starting to feel like headed.
Jack got up and slowly walked towards the nurses and they took him out the room.
I let them do whatever they needed to since I couldn't be bothered to argue with them.
Even the nurses was shocked about this but they didn't say anything as my personality could change very quickly.

An hour later I walked out to the common room since they had to look round the room and clean the room before me and Jack could go back in there.
Jack was sat in the window looking out of it like he always does.
I went over and joined him.
He looked at me and he looked like shit.
"I've fucked my hand up." I said and raised my hand and Jack flinched away from me.
I sighed and looked down and walked away from him and sat on the sofa and watched TV since we got a new one.
And it was better than the last one.
I looked at Jack who was still looking out the window.

"Come here Jack." I said.
Jack looked and me and nodded and slowly walked over to me.
He sat next to me and cuddled into my side.
"They don't want me do they?" He asked quietly.
"I'm sure they do. But your ill Jack and you need help." I said and started to mess with his hair.
I liked doing that, it always calmed me down a little for some reason.
"Not as ill as you." he said quietly.
"I'm Schizoaffective Jack. I'm the most fucked up one here." I said quietly and looked down.
He looked at me.
But he looked down and thought about something.
"You're not fucked up. You just different." He said quietly.
I smiled.
"What's wrong with you then?" I asked.
"Borderline Personality Disorder." He said.
"Explains last night then." I muttered to myself but Jack didn't hear me.

We sat in silence for ages and watched TV.
Jack was thinking but he couldn't wrap his head around it.
"What's Schizoaffective? I've never heard of that before." He said and pulled back and sat crossed legged on the sofa.
I mirrored what he had done.
"It's like being Bipolar and Schizophrenic." I said.
He tilted his head to the side a little still looking confused.
I couldn't help but laugh at him.
"So what your saying is that you have Bipolar and Schizophrenia mixed into one?" He questioned.
"Pretty much." I smiled.
"So are you like one minute Bipolar and the next Schizophrenic?" He asked.
"You want to know alot." I said warily.
"You said i was like a mystery and how you liked mysteries and you would do anything to find information about me. To me your a mystery, and i too like mysteries." He said.
"But your disorder is more intresting than what mine is. Ive never heard of what you have wrong." He said.
I didn't know what to do.
Jack sensed I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I got up and walked over to the spinning chair and sat in it and started to spin around.
Jack had moved and was sat in the window.
I was thinking about what Jack was saying.
What he did say was true hardly anyone in this place knew me, part from Jack but he didn't know a lot about me.
I hardly knew Jack.
Then I felt someone push me off the chair and I landed on the floor.
I looked up and saw Jack laughing.
"Sorry I didn't mean to push you that hard." He laughed and helped me up.
"Asshole." I muttered and glared at him.
"If looks could kill." He chuckled and poked me.
I looked at him confused.
I didn't know what he was doing.
"Lighten up Alex." He said and poked me again.
I'm still confused.
"I'm confused." I said quietly.
"Have you ever felt like you just wanted to mess around like a kid?" He asked.
I shook my head.
"How come?" He asked and sat on the chair and started to spin himself gently round.
"Let's just say I never had a childhood." I said and walked off and went into our room since they've now finished cleaning it.

I was sat on Jacks bed, since they hadn't made my bed yet, and I was happily writing and quietly singing the last song I heard before I came back.
It weren't even a happy song.
I stopped writing and thought about everything.
"This is fucking bullshit." I muttered and threw my book across the room.
Jack came in and looked at me.
"Why you on my bed?" He asked and came and sat next to me.
"My bed wasn't made when I walked in so I sat on yours and never really moved from here." I said and looked at him.
He smiled.
He had loads of questions but he didn't ask them as I seriously didn't want to answer them and they where too close to home for my liking.

I was falling asleep when I felt Jack picking me up.
"No." I muttered and Jack put me back down.
"They stay away when your near." I said and felt a tear roll down my face and off my nose.
I felt Jack lie down and wiped the tears away.
"Then I'm not going anywhere." He said quietly and pulled me closer to him.
"Everything better when your near." I mumbled and fell asleep.

Notes