I sat on the bed with the blankets up to my chest. I knew Jack would get upset knowing I wanted to go out of state for college, but I didn't know it would hurt him that much. I really wanted to make my future sparkle, but of course, I had to worry about how and what Jack would do. I hated this so much; why couldn't I do what I wanted for one? Like, I wanted to make something of myself -- I wanted this for my family.

I waited for Jack to return, and when he did, he sat beside me. He let out a breath and looked over at me. "So, I thought about what you said. I even called Matty for some advice." I internally groaned; really? You needed to bring him into it?

"And?" I anticipated.

"You can do it if Miracle and I get to go. You can't be without us anymore; we've gone through losing you enough."

"Jack," Now, I externally groaned, "I can't base my decision on you two all the time. And, you're not even losing me for that long. I'd get to come back home on breaks and summer vacation. I want to do this, Jack."

"I understand you want to do this! We can do it together!"

"That's the thing: I want to do this on my own. I want to go out of state, on my own, and you two stay here while I'm gone. Can't I have that? I want to do this on my own without you two being dragged along."

"You wouldn't be dragging us along, Alex! We want to come!"

"Well, I don't want you to!" I snapped. Jack was taken aback by what I had said. I didn't care, though. I was not doing this tonight. If I wanted to go out of state on my own, it was my damn choice. I am not going to be anchored back by these two every seconds of my life. I wanted to succeed, and if he didn't like it, he could leave.

"Whatever, Alex." No, I am not dealing that bull either.

"God, will you just grow up! Just because I am actually trying to do something with my life, and drop out of school every five seconds, doesn't you mean you have to hold me back!" I realized what I had said once the words flew from my mouth. That was so cold-hearted and a new a low, even for me. I covered my mouth with palm, as a I gasped, along with grabbing onto Jack's shoulder. "B-Babe, I didn't mean to say that! I really didn't; it slipped out!" Jack looked at me with the most hurt eyes I had ever seen. He pushed away from me and pulled himself under the covers. "Jack... please. I am so -- "

"Goodnight." he spat before going completely silent. I slumped back, rubbing my hands through my hair. Good job, Alex. You really did good on that one.

---

The next morning, I was down stairs at the table with a bowl of cereal in front of me, and Miracle was at my side, in her high chair, eating her oatmeal. I had given her the mushy, soft stuff for breakfast since it was easy on her sore gums. I was munching down on a few Lucky Charms marshmallows when I noticed Jack came walking by me in his job uniform. I was really hoping we were over last night; therefore, I tried to spark a conversation. "Hey, baby. You, um, want me to make you something for breakfast?" I got no response. Instead, I watched him snatch a granola bar from the cabinet, slam the cabinet, and go into the fridge for his thermos. I looked down at my daughter who was chowing down on the apple-ly goodness of her oatmeal; it made me smile a little.

Jack, as he was pouring his coffee, began to hum a tune under his breath. "What song you singing, Jack?" I asked -- my second attempt to have him speak. Again, nothing. He finished pouring the hot espresso into my thermos before walking over to Miracle. He set the steaming up down and held the baby to his chest.

"You going to miss daddy while he's gone?" he asked Miracle. Yeah, I knew I was the only one in the room getting the silent treatment. I deserved it though; what I said was awful. I just turned in my seat to pay attention to my cereal. "You going to miss me? I wonder if I should bring my baby girl a present when I get home?" he chuckled to the baby. Miracle clapped her hands, chanting,

"Daddy! Daddy!" I was beginning to tremble, but I kept it all in until Jack left. When he left without a goodbye, and when Miracle was back in her high chair, I took my bowl of cereal and smashed it against the wall. Glass and cereal went flying like confetti, and the outburst frightened Miracle to tears. I didn't care; I began to steam and yank at my skin. I was so sick of Jack's shit; I couldn't deal with this shit any longer.

Notes

hope you all enjoy this update.

more tomorrow, i promise :)

xoxo krys