A Love Like War

I didn't go back to sleep after I had caught Jack talking up a storm to Miracle. Instead, I stayed up with her and took care of her. I had to give her her medicine that the hospital provided for her. Since she was a preemie, medicine was given to us to help her lungs not become infected. It was a medicine you just gave to her through a bottle or through a plastic syringe in her mouth. After she took her medicine, I laid her back down in the crib while I made myself some breakfast. It hurt to stand for long periods of time due to the stitches in my stomach from the surgery. My back, though, wasn't hurting as much, so that was a good thing.

I had made myself some bacon and eggs which were pretty good. I am not the best cook, and when I have breakfast, usually I make cereal, or Jack makes me the bacon and eggs. I sat down on the couch and began to chow down. As I ate, I began to think about what my life would be like from here. I thought about school. I wasn't able to go back now; with the baby, I needed time to recover from the birth along with time to take care of her which is usually 3-4 months. School would be over by then which means most likely, I'll need to repeat my senior year. Great. I thought about college and how, most likely, I probably won't be able to go to some big college like mama and papa wanted me to. I'd go to an online college or community college -- less time away from my family.

I thought about Jack. Jack and his depression were very hard to deal with. Whenever something went wrong, he would turn to the razor. I didn't want that to continue. I began to worry about how it'll be from now on. Will Jack still cut himself when things get hard? Or, will he come to me and talk about it? I hoped the second option would be how my future plays out.

Then, of course, I thought about Miracle. She was a small baby, so there were going to be health complications along the way. Those were guaranteed by the doctor. I wondered how Jack and I would handle those situations, and how we would have to find the best insurance to cover for any procedure or major medical visit she would need. I thought about how I would probably need a job as well to help out because the auto shop, although pays great, may not be enough to help for all the bumps we are about to encounter on this roller coaster.

Before I could drown myself in anymore thoughts, I heard a shrill cry emit from the crib upstairs. I dropped my food down and ran to Miracle's aid. I picked her up, repeating show 'sh's to her. I bounced her in my arms up and down, continuing to try and shush her. She still wailed out to the heavens. I then smelled something awful in the air. I scrunched my nose and realized what she wanted -- a diaper change. I walked her over to the bed, pulled off her dirty diaper, discarded it, and began to put on a fresh one. "That's one thing you got from your dad: his smelly butt." I joked with her. I knew if Jack were around, he'd shove me with a gasp. I picked her up, once all tidy, and laid down upon Jack and I's bed.

I rested her over my chest, and her head was right above my heart, so she could hear my heartbeat. I petted her back soothingly. I looked down at her tiny head of hair with a smile. "Why doesn't daddy tell you a story while we wait to go see your Uncle Matty?" I waited a second for a response, although I knew I wasn't getting one. I took the silence as a yes before continuing. "I'll tell you the story about how daddy and I first met. We were in the eighth grade, and daddy and I had Band together. He played the guitar, and so did I. We were doing a partner project one day, and we had to create a song with each other in the time provided which was only 30 minutes. Crazy, right? I mean, who can make a song in that short of time? Anyway, your daddy and I decided to partner up together. I looked at him, and I swear, it was love at first sight. He had this hair that resembled one of a skunk, his eyes were this beautiful shade of brownish hazel, and his jawline was enough to cut my heart in half.

"He and I talked to one another during the project, and he told me about his music taste and interests. He was almost an identical twin of me which was perfect. Now, four years later, we are still together, and we have you in our lives." I looked down at Miracle to find her sound asleep. I didn't take it as an insult that she fell asleep during my tale; I took it as a success that I got her at a peaceful state with my voice. I leaned down and placed a kiss upon her smooth head. "There are plenty more stories where that came from, Miracle." I heard my phone go off beside me which alerted me from my sweet coat. I leaned over and looked at it. It was a text from Jack about his I's plans after he was finished work. I replied back with:

Alex: Sounds great to me. I'll see you soon, handsome. Love you. <3

Notes

sorry this chapter is so short. i have to head out to the gym, but when i return, i promise to shoot out a longer and better one :)

xoxo krys