Can't Help Who I Fall For

“Dude, that fuckin’ big ass diorama for that shitty book is due in, like, a week, and my partner hasn’t done shit! It just needs to be next month already. I’m so fuckin’ ready for Christmas break,” Monster groaned as he smacked his head against his closed locker. He was really just his own breed.

“Have you done shit for it either, dude?” I retorted, leaning myself on the wall next to him as I waited for him to actually open the locker so that he could get his things. How I’d gotten stuck tagging along with him on a Monday afternoon, of all days (because Jesus Christ, Mondays were slow enough anyway), I’d never know.

“I don’t have time for that,” he answered with a shake of his head before glancing over to me. “What senior in high school does? I thought that this year would be the easiest! Now I actually have to work? What’s even the fun in that? Do real seniors have to work this hard before they retire?”

“Yeah, they do have to work just as hard, if not harder. Damn, what’re you gonna do when you’re sixty? You’ll have to still be working just so that you don’t have to work when you’re seventy! I cry for you at night,” I teased, reaching out to punch his arm lightly.

“What a coincidence. I cry for me all the fuckin’ time, too. Maybe I’ll just become a model or something. I’ll be so fabulous that the company will have to pay for scientists to look into how to keep me twenty-five forev—”

“Alex, yo!” a familiar voice called over the bustle of the other people in the hall talking with their friends. Needless to say, both Monster and I looked up.

“What’s up, Dawson?” I asked as he got closer. I could only assume that he’d come to find me at such a time—alone—because something had happened to Jack. Maybe Zack had stayed behind with him to make sure that he’d be okay. “Is something wrong?”

“Uh… not yet. I don’t know how much I should say. Jack said he was gonna go talk to Oli, and that he wants me, you, and Zack to wait out in the parking lot for him. If you’re not too busy…” he trailed out, sending a side glance to Monster. He’d gone back to looking through his locker when he realized that he wasn’t the Alex called for, but I could see him tense at the mention of my ex’s name.

“No, yeah, of course,” I agreed, relieved that (as far as Rian knew) Jack was fine.

“Awesome. I gotta go find Zack now, so just meet us out by… you know what my car looks like, right?” When I nodded, he did as well. “Meet us out there. We shouldn’t be long. It’s parked a little away from the doors, left side.”

With that, he was gone and Monster was slamming his locker closed to turn to me.

“What the fuck, dude?” he hissed? “You’re talking to him again? You’re not the stupid one; I’m the stupid one! What were you thinking?”

“You’re not stupid, dude,” I said with a sigh. “You’re just slightly less intelligent than I am. Only slightly, so don’t worry—about your intelligence or about what I’m doing with Jack. It’s nothing, okay? We’re just friends.”

I didn’t give him much of an opportunity to respond before I was merging with the crowd and heading towards the school’s front doors.

Once outside, I began the search for Rian’s car. It didn’t take any more than a handful of seconds, really—which sort of surprised even me, but how many people have a foam coffee cup on the antenna?—and I took it upon myself to lean against the hood as I waited.

Within minutes, when the grounds were actually starting to look somewhat empty, both Rian and Zack exited the building. They were talking about something that seemed pretty serious, and then Zack was glancing at me before shrugging and responding to whatever he’d been told.

“How long did he say he’d be?” I asked as I stood myself up when they were no more than five feet away. Rian shrugged.

“He just said he was gonna talk to Oli. Hopefully not too long. I’ve got a ton of homework due. Two essays by Wednesday that I haven’t even started yet. I’ll be kinda pissed if I have to wait here for more than, like, twenty minutes, y’know?”

I shrugged and looked toward the ground, my right foot moving to kick at a random pebble as I wait from one of them to speak.

“So, like…” Zack was the first to start, and I allowed my gaze to land on his face through the fringe hanging in my own. “What’s up with you and Jack? He hasn’t, uh… he hasn’t really said much about you two since we forced you guys to talk to each other.”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” I answered with a shrug. “He said that he’s, um… he’s giving me a second chance, but he’s still with Oli, so he doesn’t really want me touching him too much, y’know? I understand it, so I guess I’m not too upset about it. I kinda wanna kiss him, but I don’t wanna do it and then have him decide letting me back in was a bad decision. We hung out a few days ago, and it was just really nice being able to talk to him without things getting awkward or something.

“He said something about not being sure about what he wanted to do about him and Oli because things between them have been a little off recently, and I think he got a better understanding of how he should handle the situation. I just hope he gets out of it before it’s too late. I mean, I’m not too sure what Oli would do if they stopped talking before he could get the chance to have someone physically hurt Jack, but at least we’d be there to help and he wouldn’t be as emotionally damaged or anything.”

Both looked at each other before they nodded and moved to lean against the car like I’d been. It wasn’t awkward between us as we waited, just a bit quiet. I wasn’t really a fan of it, but I couldn’t think of something to defuse whatever tension had built. Why would there even be tension if they were trying to set me and Jack back up? Maybe I was just overthinking it.

Before I could overthink anything else, Jack was pushing through the front doors. His head was down as he descended the few steps in front of the building, and if I looked close enough, I could see that his lip was pulled between his teeth as he bit down on it.

When he reached the last steps, he kept walking until he reached the asphalt and then lifted his head to look for us. His eyes landed on Rian and Zack first, and he took a few steps toward the car. It was a few seconds later that he spotted me, and then he was picking up his pace to a near jog.

He all but jumped at me when he was close enough, his arms wrapping tightly around my neck as he pulled our bodies as close together as possible. There was a few seconds’ delay on my end, having been taken by surprise by his actions, before I was curling my arms tightly around his back and burying my face in his dark hair.

“What happened, Jay?” I asked quietly. His breathing was a little uneven, and it worried me. Of course, it was probably the wrong thing to say seeing as how he let me go and took a few steps away from my grip.

“I… I told Oli that w-we’re done,” he said, grinning shyly. It dropped from his face after only a moment in favor of his teeth once again returning to his lip.

“That’s great, Jay,” I said with as reassuring a smile as I could manage. I didn’t need him thinking he’d made a mistake or anything. It was in everyone’s best interest that he cut off all contact with Oli. “You okay?”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment before he nodded in answer. “I’m sorry about that, I just… I just, uh… I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said with a shake of the head. I wasn’t sure if giving him another hug would end badly or not, so I refrained from stepping closer.

“Well, can we get going now, Jack?” Rian asked, his tone gentle. Jack turned to look at him to nod, but then I was stepping forward.

“I can bring you home, Jack,” I offered, and all eyes looked to me.

“You don’t have to do that,” they all seemed to say at the same moment, but I shook my head.

“Rian has papers he has to work on, and I’m sure Zack has some homework he has to get done for tomorrow. I’ve got nothing to do tonight. It’s no problem or anything. Just let me drive you home.”

Jack shared a glance between both of his best friend’s before he was nodding at me. “It’s just a ride, right?” he said to Rian and Zack before he was turning to look at me once more. “Where’s your car? I’ll call you guys later, okay? Actually, I don’t wanna interrupt or anything. Call me if you can. I’ll tell you more about what happened. If not, then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Sure thing, dude,” Rian said, patting him on his back before moving around the car to get into the front seat. Zack followed with a similar farewell, and we watched as they pulled from the parking lot. When we were alone, I turned to my ex and smiled.

“You ready?” he smiled back and waved a hand toward where my car was parked only a few spaces away, it being one of the last still in the lot. “Do you want me to take you home? I can bring you somewhere else if you don’t wanna be there or something. I don’t know how home life has been since, y’know…”

“Home’s fine,” he said politely, opening the back door of my car to throw his things inside once we’d reached the vehicle and it’d been unlocked. “Things are still a little tense sometimes, but we’ve kinda managed to just start coexisting. My mom is still kinda blind to it all. I mean, he said he’d stop, and he told me that he cut everything off with her, but it still seems wrong to keep her in the dark. Even if it’s in the past, she should know about it. If I’d found out that you were cheating on me, even if it was in the past, I’d—”

He stopped himself abruptly there, gaze casting down toward his lap as we both got ourselves comfortable in the front seats. I didn’t say anything in turn, and the first half of the ride was silent as we waited for the other to speak up. Of course, it had to be me.

“Do you wanna tell me about what happened with Oli back there? You were, like, shaking and breathing funny. He didn’t hurt you, did?” I asked, taking my eyes off the road for only a second to catch a glimpse of his reaction to the question.

“It’s not… it’s… t-that’s just a s-story for an-another time, okay?” was all he had to say in response. It looked like he’d taken to biting at the inside of his cheek instead of his bottom lip.

“Please, just let me know if he hurt you. If he laid even one finger on you, I need to know,” I said as I turned onto his street. I’d parked the car in front of his house before he spoke up.

“He didn’t touch me, Alex. I swear. He just… I’ll t-tell you some other t-time. I-I don’t feel like talking a-about it right n-now,” he said, and then he was pushing to door to climb out of it before he was pausing and turning back to me. It seemed to be an unconscious action when he leaned over the center console and pressed his lips to my cheek.

It lasted for less than a second, and he didn’t say another word as he all but vaulted himself from the car, only stopping himself from running into the house to grab his bag from the back seat before he was gone.

My eyes were wide, my cheeks were red, and all I could do for the first few minutes after he’d left was stare at the door he’d disappeared behind. With a shake of the head, I was finally pulling my car away from the curb and doing my best to keep my mind off such a simple action just long enough for me to get home.

Notes