The days that followed the conversation I had with Josh, Rian, and Alex were confusing for me, to say the least. I just wasn't sure what I was going to do. The things they told me about Oli changed my opinion on him. I felt like I was ready to cut contact with him and end whatever was going on between us, but, at the same time, I wanted to know if he really was just using me. I mean, people change, right? So maybe this was different from what's happened in the past; maybe he actually did care.

There was something else on my mind, too. Alex. Ever since I told him he could have another chance, he'd been so sweet and so friendly, but didn't even try to push my boundaries. I could tell it was hurting him to see me still with Oli, but I was thankful he respected that I had to make the decision whether to end things or not. I guess he really did mean what he said when he told me he wasn't going to fuck up again.

One of the things I was still confused about was what my feelings for Alex were. I’m not going to lie—my stomach flipped a few times when he hugged me. I just don’t know if I can completely forgive him. I know that what he did wasn’t nearly as bad as what Oli did to him in the past, but that doesn’t make it okay. I think I want to forgive him, though; I just don’t know how.

So at that point, everything was just at a standstill for me. I was just kind of going through the motions with Oli while I tried to work through my emotions. I wasn't making any extra effort, but I didn't ignore him when he tried to talk to me.

I really wanted to forgive Oli. I wanted him to back to being sweet and honest and nice to me. I know that at that point it was me that was creating the problem, but I didn’t even know if Oli was really using me to get back at Alex or not. Just the thought of him doing that made me sick.

When I saw Oli for the first time after what had happened at my house that weekend, I don’t know what I was expecting. I guess I thought he would apologize for what happened at there before, but when he didn’t, I felt hurt and somewhat confused. At first I thought he was just embarrassed and was waiting until we were alone to say anything, but now I was starting think he didn’t apologize because he wasn’t sorry. He didn’t act pissed off or anything, but I guess it kind of irritated me that he acted like nothing happened.

Speaking of, Oli had texted me asking if I wanted to hang out that night, since it was Friday and all. I was torn between saying yes and then demanding an answer from him or just ignoring it all together. The sad thing was, I knew that if I said yes, I’d get scared or nervous and not ask him anything.

I decided in the end that I didn’t want to see Oli at all that weekend. I also decided not to be completely terrible and text him back:

Sorry, busy. Will be all weekend.

It was short, sweet, and hopefully conveyed that I didn’t want to be bothered. By him at least, not right then.

I sighed and sat my phone on my desk before lying down on my bed, ignoring it completely when it went off again. I really hoped that by the end of that weekend I’d know what I’d have to do.

---

Can we hang out? I want to see you.

I stared blankly at the text message I had woken up to. It was Saturday morning and despite the fact that I had been rudely awoken by my obnoxious text tone, I wasn’t exactly upset about it. Mostly because it was already past eleven and I knew that I would’ve woken up soon anyway, but also because of the sender of the text.

It obviously wasn’t from Oli. One late night of shitty music and hot tea wasn’t enough for me to completely forgive him… Or forgive him just a little bit, really…

The text was actually from Alex, which I wasn’t expecting. We were definitely on better terms now, but I didn’t think we were at that point yet. I’m not going to lie, though—my heart skipped a beat when I saw his name on the screen. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that yet, but overall, I wasn’t completely against seeing him that day.

Sure. Wanna meet by the coffee shop by the park?

The confirmation text came almost instantly and it put a smile on my face:

Absolutely! See you in 20!

“Hey, mom!” I yelled downstairs, hoping she was still home. “Can I use the car?”

---

Fifteen minutes later and I was pulling into the parking lot. I noticed Alex’s car was already parked near the entrance. I was surprised to see that I hadn’t beaten him there.

When I walked into the shop, I saw Alex sitting at a table for two near the back. When he saw me walking over, he waved enthusiastically. I chuckled and waved back as I approached the table.

“Hey, I hope you don’t mind I ordered for you,” he greeted, motioning to the cups I previously didn’t notice. “Cinnamon hot chocolate with a dash of milk.”

I smiled at the thought of him remembering my not-so-coffee coffee order. “That’s perfect, thanks,” I responded, sitting down. “How much do I owe you?”

He shook his head. “It’s no big deal.”

I frowned slightly. I was a little bit uncomfortable with him paying; it made it feel like this was a date and not just two friends hanging out. I decided not to bring it up, though. I didn’t want to argue after we’d just started speaking again.

“So what’s up?” I asked casually, taking a sip of my drink. “Why’d you want to meet?”

He shrugged, averting his gaze to his own coffee. “No reason. I kinda just wanted to see you…”

I had to fight to suppress the grin that tried to make its way onto my face. “Oh. That’s cool.”

“So, um... how are you?” he asked a bit awkward. “Like, what’s been going on with you lately?”

I sighed. I didn’t like how serious the conversation had gotten so quickly. I know it probably wasn’t his intention, but it had still happened and that’s what mattered. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea for me to open up right away, but, at the same time, I knew talking to someone would help me feel a lot better. I just wasn’t sure if he was the right person.

“Jack,” he said hesitantly, albeit gently. “You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to, you know that right? We can have a casual conversation if that’s what you want. But I’m also here if you want to vent…”

That pretty much did it for me. I don’t know if I was just feeling especially vulnerable or if he had just said the right thing at the right time, but instantly all of the walls were down.

“I—I just, I’m s-s-so confused about this whole sit-situation,” I said nervously, biting at my lip. “Like, I don’t want to b-b-b-believe that Oli’s that big of an a-asshole, but I know Josh and R-R-Rian wouldn’t lie about that…”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said quietly. “I should’ve told you from the start… It would’ve saved us all a lot of trouble…”

I nodded. “Y-You should’ve, but I-I understand why you didn’t…”

“Really?” he asked, face brightening up.

I almost wanted to smile at his enthusiasm. “Yeah… you were just worried about me, r-right? Like, with everything th-that happened with my p-parents?”

He nodded, reaching over and resting his hand on top of one of mine. I had half a mind to brush it away, but I appreciated his attempt to comfort me.

“Yeah, that’s about it.” He caressed my hand with his thumb. “I know it was wrong, but I just didn’t want to make it any harder for you…”

“I wish you would’ve said something,” I mumbled, “’cause now I actually want to forgive him, and it’s scaring me.”

“You don’t have to forgive him,” he said, shrugging, “You can just forget about him if you want. I know he made you happy, but you don’t need him to be.”

“Sometimes it feels so right with him,” I admit, “but sometimes it doesn’t, and that’s not what I want anymore…”

“Well, there you go,” Alex smiled, retracting his hand. I almost wanted to grab it and make him stay, but I stopped myself. That’s not something friends do.

“Thank you, Alex,” I smiled back at him. “Can we please talk about something a little less serious now?”

He chuckled. “Of course. Franceschi got a haircut after school yesterday, and it looks fucking ridiculous…”

---

We sat in that café for hours, just talking about everything and nothing at the same time. I couldn’t remember the last time I had smiled so much or laughed so hard. I had forgotten just how much I enjoyed spending time with Alex. It was just something that made me happy.

By the time my mom texted me saying that I needed to get home so she could have the car, I was convinced that I knew what I was going to do with the Oli situation. I realized that I was happier spending time with Alex as just friends than I was with Oli as something that was almost romantic.

But that wasn’t all. Through spending those hours with him, I realized that I still had strong feelings for Alex. Feelings that, hopefully, I’d gain the confidence to act on soon before Alex finally moved on.

But that wasn’t my focus on Monday. On Monday, I had decided to end things with Oli for real. I had been ignoring him in class all day, only telling him to meet me after the last bell. I had to admit, as the day went on, I got more and more nervous. I was so terrified that Oli would try to hurt me.

I walked through the hallway to my locker. Class had just ended and I was about to meet Oli in the courtyard to talk. I was so nervous I was practically shaking.

“Jack, are you okay?” I hadn’t even noticed Rian was walking beside me until he spoke up.

“I’m meeting Oli in a few minutes, and I’m really scared,” I admit, biting my lip.

“Why are you doing it, then?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I feel like if I’m going to end this, I need to tell him in person.” I shrugged.

Rian sighed. “You’re too nice sometimes… Do you want me and Zack to go with you? For support?”

I shook my head, “Could you guys, and maybe Alex, if you can find him, just wait out front for me? Just in case something does happens…”

“Of course, of course.” He nodded. “And, Jack, I’m really proud of you for realizing that he’s the epitome of shit.”

I smiled. “He wasn’t that bad until I found out the truth.”

---

“Hey, Jack,” Oli greeted as I approached him. “What’s going on? You’ve been ignoring me.”

“C-Can I ask you a question?” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “Why do you and Alex hate each other so much? What happened?”

I figured that if he lied to me, it would be the best way to know what his intentions were. He’d tell me the truth if he was serious, right?

“I don’t really hate him anymore,” he said with a shrug. “I was dating this girl awhile ago, and he stole her from me. It pretty much went downhill from there.”

I sighed. He really was just using me, wasn’t he?

“That’s not what I heard,” I said, trying not to show any emotion. “I heard the opposite, plus a little more actually.”

He scoffed. “Are you really going to believe Gaskarth over me?”

I shook my head. “Him? Not at first, no. But my two best friends in the entire world? Yeah. I know they wouldn’t lie to me.”

Oli sighed. “Well, maybe it didn’t happen the way I said, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I might’ve had some people do some shit to his ex’s before, but it’s different with you. I swear.”

I gulped. I didn’t believe him. Not for a second. It felt good knowing that he couldn’t manipulate me anymore. I was stronger than when we started talking. I liked how that felt.

“Oli, I can’t do this anymore,” I said, my voice steady and calm. “Whatever was going on between us is over.”

His face fell for a moment before the anger took over. “Seriously?! You’re such a pussy and a prude! No guy will ever settle for you! You should be thankful for the time I wasted with you!”

I took a few steps back, shocked by his outburst. “Stop. You weren’t worth my time.”

He started laughing. “I’m the one who wasted time. You’ll be crawling back to me soon enough, and we all know it.”

That made me mad. I had to take a deep breath to keep myself from stooping down to his level and losing my cool... but I didn’t. I chose to be the bigger person and walked away. He was still yelling at me, but I didn’t let that affect me. Instead, I kept my head held high and headed towards the school parking lot where my friends were waiting for me.

Notes