Figure It Out

When I woke up, my face felt sticky and my eyes were crusty. I knew I must’ve fallen asleep crying, but I couldn’t remember exactly why I had been crying in the first place. My head pounded with the pain from the midnight sob session, and I still had snot dripping out of my nose. I inhaled deeply through my mouth and sat up, putting my head between my hands and pulling my legs up to my chest. I sat there for a minute and tried to recall why I felt so empty. The sounds of the suburbs blew in through my open window. I could hear children laughing and birds singing. All I could hear were happy noises. So why was I so damn sad?

One look at my phone answered my question. I had two messages. One from my mom, one from Rian.

None from Alex.

I let myself fall back onto my bed with a thud, the memories of the day before washing over me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how stupid I was being. I also realized that I smelled like sex. How had my parents not noticed?

When I rolled out of bed, I noticed that I was still in the same clothes as the night before. I guess my sobbing form couldn’t even think to change into sweatpants. May was just walking out of her room as I stumbled into the hallway, making my way towards the bathroom we shared. She took one look at me and started laughing at my state. I didn’t even need a mirror to know how puffy and red my face was. Plus, my hair was sticking up in all different directions.
May’s expression changed when she realized that mine didn’t. My mouth was pressed into a straight line with my eyes half closed. I knew I looked pissed beyond belief, and May knew it too.

I didn’t bother saying anything to her. Instead, I rolled my eyes and hoped that she’d go away before she pissed me off even more. It looked like my wish would come true as my foot landed on the cool, smooth bathroom floor. But of course, I just wasn’t that lucky.

“Hey, are you okay?” May asked gently.

I didn’t respond. Instead, I tried to close the bathroom door as quickly as possible. The door hit something hard… something that wasn’t the doorframe. Groaning, I turned to see May’s foot wedged between the door and the frame.

“Will you please leave me alone?” I asked, trying my hardest not to take my anger out on her.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” She responded.

I pulled a little harder on the door, hoping she’d pull her foot out and let me escape. She didn’t budge.

“Jack, seriously. What happened? Did you and Alex get in a fight? Did some stupid girl reject you?” Concern swept over May’s eyes. Sure, we bickered all the time, but I knew how much she cared.

But I was still really angry.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I snapped, speaking in a harsher tone than I intended.

May rolled her eyes, my sass deflecting off of her like a tennis ball bouncing off a concrete sidewalk. Her expression made me realized that arguing wasn’t going to do any good.

“Well that’s just too damn bad, isn’t it?” she grumbled, “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s up.”

I let out a heavy sigh, giving in to her protesting.

“Alex and I had a fight.” I said, the words rolling off my tongue slowly. That was the first time I’d ever said those words in that order. Honestly, this was the first time Alex and I had ever fought.

May’s determined expression turned to one of sympathy. She stuck out her hand, bringing a confused look to my face.

“Come on, little bro. We’re gonna go to my room and chat.”

I refused to take her hand, but I did open up the door and step out into the hallway. She dropped her hand with an accompanying eye roll and spun on her heal, marching down to her room. I trudged along behind her slowly, praying this would be over soon.

When I walked into her room, she was standing next to her doorway and pointing to her bed. As soon as I sat down, she kicked the door shut and moved to sit next to me. There were a few seconds of silence before she finally decided to use her voice to fill up the empty space.

“So, what happened?”

I groaned, trying to delay my response for as long as possible. I waited, making the air around us awkward. She didn’t seem to mind. I, on the other hand, did. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I finally opened my mouth.

“Everything was fine until he started talking about a lyric he wanted to write down. I asked about it and he said that he might tell me later. Might.” I let out a hard breath. “He always shows me his music. Why can’t he show me this time? What if he doesn’t trust me anymore? What if he doesn’t want to be my best friend anymore? What am I doing wrong?” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and forces myself to take in a deep breath through my nose. The sweet smell of May’s perfume tickled my throat and I coughed, which didn’t helped my already choked up throat.

“Oh, Jack. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong.” May said softly. “Maybe he just doesn’t like the song very much, or maybe it’s a surprise.”

“See, I knew I was just overreacting.” I responded, standing up. There was no point in being here if she was going to tell me what I already knew.

“I don’t think you’re overreacting.” She objected, “I think you have every right to be upset.”

I spun around on my heel to face her. “You… what?”

“I mean, you’re used to having him tell you everything, aren’t you? I’d be upset if I thought my best friend was keeping things from me.” She shrugged, as if she were stating the obvious.

“Oh,” was the only thing that escaped my lips. Not my best line, but what else was I supposed to say?

“But,” she added, “you also need to let him have his privacy. He’ll tell you what’s going on when he’s ready.”

“You think so?” I questioned.

She smiled, “I know so. Now go text him and make up. You guys shouldn’t fight over something stupid like this. Save your fights for some pretty girl or which football team is going to win the Super Bowl.”

I laughed in agreement. This was stupid. Really, really stupid.

After thanking her for her advice, I headed for the door. I was just about to step out into the hall when she spoke up.

“Hey, Jack?” She asked cautiously.

I turned to face her.

“Yeah? What’s up?”

She paused for a second, thinking her question through before opening her mouth. What she said next surprised me.

“Do you like… maybe… I dunno, like Alex? As more than a friend?”

I stumbled backwards, her words almost knocking me off of my feet. I felt the blood drain from my face, feeling as though a deep dark secret had been uncovered. But, that wasn’t right, was it? I didn’t have feelings for Alex. No way. And I was totally going to tell her that.

“I…what?”

Dammit. That’s not what I meant to say at all.

She gave me a small smile and stood up. “That’s what I thought. Now go shower. You smell like sex.”

I opened my mouth to protest and tell her that I definitely did not have a crush on my best friend, but she closed the door in my face before I could even convince myself that was the truth.

When I got back into my room, I had one new message on my phone. It was from Alex.

My heart fluttered a little bit when I saw his name on the screen. When I caught myself smiling, I groaned and let myself fall onto my bed.

Okay, maybe my sister was onto something. But I could always ignore it.

Right?

Notes