Long Live the Reckless and the Brave

I sat in the bed next to Jules, her anger having calmed down a bit, while mine was still flowly freshly through my veins. I didn't understand how the woman beside me could put lotion on her hands and quietly read her book, while our daughter was still tipsy in the room down the hall. Honestly, I had half a mind to call the band just to have a jam session to calm myself down.

"Alex," Jules sighed, not even taking her eyes off the book. "The fact that she can't go on tour is enough punishment. Don't stress yourself out over it."

"I thought that wanting to go on tour would be enough to keep her in line," I confessed, a frown forming on my lips. "What's gotten into her lately? What have I missed?"

"She's just acting out."

"It's because she misses me," I groaned, rolling over so that my legs were danling from the bed. "I'm going to talk to her."

"Alex. Don't. Leave her be."

"Not this time, love."

Jules was still sending a lecture my way as I left the room. I know underminding her parenting skills was a bad thing, but I couldn't help it this time. Stella, my baby girl, needed me now more than ever... And I needed to give her a piece of my mind, just the two of us.

"Dad?" Tom poked his head out of the door, phone in hand. "Is Stella in more trouble?"

"Go to bed, Tom," I spoke sternly. "And don't text her, or I'll take your phone, too."

"Geeze," he closed the door, surely texting Jack or Nate to tell them about Stella's punishment.

I went into Stella's room without knocking. Times like these, I hated being the enforcer of rules. Truth was, we were being harsh on Stella, but that was for her own sake. Something she would never understand until she had children of her own. Plus, I knew I wasn't the only person she was livid with at the moment. Little Jack was sure to get an earfull come Monday. At least now I didn't seem him as the honry teenage boy trying to take my baby away. He was trying to protect my daughter, just as I was.

"Dad, please just go away," Stella stared at me through blood-shot eyes. "I don't want to argue with you anymore. You can chew me out tomorrow at breakfast."

"Why on Earth did you think it was okay to sneak out? You were supposed to be helping Tom with the kids."

"And I did help," she mumbled, rolling over so that her back was to me. "Noelle was already asleep and Liam was playing games with Tom. Where's the harm in that, dad?"

"The harm in that is, you went to a party with a bunch of people older than you, and you drank. Stella, do you have any idea what's on a teenage boys mind? One thing, and one thing only. Something awful could have happened to you!"

"But it didn't!" She flung her body around so that she was facing me. Oh God, she had my angry face. "Nothing happened. You and mom and Jack are making such a big deal out of nothing. Maybe I just wanted to have some fun! I have no freedom in this house, dad. I'm always being told to behave for mom, help with the kids, keep Tom in line. You can't tour, Stella, you're too young. Don't do that, Stella, it's a bad idea. Well guess what?! I'm a teenager, I don't care what anyone else thinks!"

For the first time in her entire life, Stella didn't look like my little girl anymore. She looked like a young lady, desperate to leave her hometown behind. What was so bad about this place? Did she not realize how badly she would miss everything when the time came for her to go? Of course she didn't, I reminded myself, because she's never had to do it. Tears were forming in those beautiful eyes, making my stomach twist. More than anything else in this world, I hated seeing any of my children hurt.

"Is it really even that big of a deal that I went to some lame party?" Stella questioned, clearly feeling daring from the beer she'd drank. "I'm a teenager! I'm supposed to go to parties and do reckless things - That's life!"

Well, she had me there. She was supposed to cause trouble and feel like she could do anything she wanted to. Of course she was supposed to party, drink and even have sex, but I just could not allow this. She wasn't even old enough to be going to parties yet. Maybe, just maybe, when she's a Senior we'd allow it.

"Speak, dad!"

"I don't think you really want to hear what I have to say, Stell."

"Sure I do," she crossed her arms over her chest. I suppose this is the part where she felt like she had nothing more to lose. "Bring it on."

"I realize a lot of the things you do, you do because of me. Your dream is to follow in my footsteps, though you don't realize how much you'll miss this place when you leave. You think life on the road is easy? No, what you have right here is easy. Your mouth, and occasional foul language also comes from me. Your mother has a filter because of Liam and Noelle, where I don't because I'm on the road so often. Your shitty, not a care in the world attitude, also belongs to me. You wear the same, smug smile I used to wear. And now you're going to parties and drinking beer. You think I don't know where that comes from? Let me tell you something, girl, the amount of beer you see me drink now has nothing on what I used to throw down. It was cool at the time, but I didn't realize how badly I was really screwing myself up. Your mother saved me from myself, and in a way, I think that's why you're so fascinated by Jack Barakat."

I stopped my rant long enough to see her face change. Now she knew that I knew.

"So you know what, princess? Be mad at me, be mad at mom, be mad at Jack.. We really don't care, because we did what was right for you. You want to drink and party? You'll be twenty-one someday. You want to be allowed to go to a party with a curfew where you aren't expected to drink? You best start earning that respect and trust. This, what you did tonight, is why I can't take you on the road with me. I can't trust you to be around things like that when you'd sneak out right in front of my face at home."

"You sure do think highly of yourself," Stella averted her gaze and tried to blink back tears. "I'm not doing any of this to be like you. I'm doing it to not be like everyone else. You think you know what's best for me, but you don't, because you're not me."

"You're right, Stella, I'm not you. I was never young with a dream. I wasn't a party animal. I didn't drink with my classmates. You and I, we're complete opposites."

This time, she did look at me, with nothing but pain in those blood-shot eyes. Perhaps what I'd said to her tonight would make her think long and hard about the future she so perfectly had planned out. Maybe she's realize life isn't what it's always cracked up to, and if she wanted to act like an adult, she'd have to face facts like an adult.

"I love you anyway, princess." I kissed her forehead, even though she pulled away from me. "Goodnight, Stella."

Closing the door, I felt bad about myself. It was true, I got myself into a lot of trouble when I was a teenger, because of my constant need to drink and party, but was it really necessary to ban Stella from experiencing that part of her childhood entirely? It almost seemed cruel. She had every right to know what it felt like to let loose with her friends, drink a couple of beers and wind down -- When she was older, of course. Maybe for her and Tom's next birthday, I could talk Jules into letting them have a small party here, wine coolers only, though. At least then I'd have her supervised and I could torture her when she has a hangover so she'll never want to do it again.

If only she wasn't so like me. Then we wouldn't really have to worry about this sort of thing. Groaning to myself, I walked back into the bedroom and tossed myself on the bed. Juli put her book on the table beside the bed and rolled over so she was facing me. Her soft hands ran through my hair. She didn't ask any questions, she just put my body and mind at ease, as she always had.

I'm still a lucky man.

Notes