I'll Survive You
Hear Me Out
Jack hesitantly left Alex’s room and ventured back into his own where Rian and Zack sat waiting for an update on their friend and band mate.
“So?” Rian asked as Jack shuffled into the room. Jack grimly shook his head “I dunno guys, he’s pretty broken down right now” he sighed.
“This is such bullshit!” Zack spat earning questioning looks from the other two boys.
“Zack… “ Rian trailed off, knowing exactly where Zack was going with his outburst. He didn’t necessarily disagree but they had enough to deal with without everyone taking sides. Rian was always more sensitive to keeping the band in check in tense situations, but this was something he didn’t know how to fix.
“No, look it doesn’t even make sense that he makes an ass of himself on stage every night and is drinking his life away when it’s his fault. Kennadee didn’t break his heart. She didn’t leave him. He’s the one that messed about and then told her he didn’t love her. So excuse me if I think this whole charade he’s putting on needs to come to an end” Zack vented his frustrations about the depressed band member, his voice unwavering and with enough volume that the boy in the other room heard him loud and clear.
Alex sat with his head in his hands his thoughts consumed with the words he heard Zack say. He was right, Alex knew that. He knew that everything was his fault, no one needed to tell him that. He just didn’t realize how much his best friends and band mates were starting to resent him. He couldn’t help it though, he missed her so much.
“I guess it’s true, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” he muttered to the empty hotel room, pulling himself up from the bed and into a pair of shoes. He stumbled into his day old wrinkled clothes and hastily left the hotel room in search of solace someplace else. He mindlessly wandered the crowded city streets, his feet carrying him through the hordes of people. He occasionally muttered out a sorry for every person he bumped into until he finally found his destination.
His hands pushed on the cold metal rail, a chirping bell sounding off as the door opened. The store was badly lit with flickering lights and smelled distinctively of old vinyls, dust, and stale coffee. His eyes scanned the rows of albums though he knew exactly what he was searching for. His nimble fingers flicked through the plastic cases, desperately trying to locate the one that was both holding him together and tearing him apart. He briefly acknowledged the chirping bell that went off as someone new entered the establishment but he paid no mind as the person quickly darted past him.
He moved down into the next row making a mental note to comment to the manager on how poorly the records were organized because really, only categorizing by genre was making his search a lot harder than necessary. He loudly sighed in frustration, growing agitated that his exertion of energy to find one album was coming up completely empty. His eyes once again scanned the whole row of discs, lighting up when he finally saw the gem he had been searching for sitting in the middle row being blocked by the young woman that was haphazardly flipping through the titles.
Alex bit his lip; his eyes trained on the album cover as he grew impatient he finally just went for it.
“ ‘scuse me” he mumbled as he reached over her arm and plucked the album out of its place. He held the album to his chest and quickly walked to the checkout line, delicately placing the album down on the counter.
“$12.00” the bored teenager recited and placed the album in a small white bag “Thank You, Come Again” written on the cheap plastic. Alex swiped his debit card and punched in the pin.
“I don’t need a receipt” he grabbed the bag and turned around, bumping into the young woman. Her perfume filled his nostrils. The familiar scent of vanilla, honeysuckle and pomegranate, a signature scent that he had grown to love. A scent that he dreadfully missed, it was the smell that he used to notice would linger in his sheets when she was around.
For the first time, Alex’s eyes scanned over her petite figure. Her cascading dark curls, her blue-grey eyes, her coral colored lips. He blinked his eyes rapidly, it wouldn’t be the first time he had mistaken a stranger to be her. The first few months he could have sworn he was going crazy, he saw her everywhere, or at least he thought he had and now when he was expecting it lease, when he was replacing her album that his best friend so carelessly broke, he finally found her.
“Kennadee” her name flowed off of his tongue with a breathy tone that made it sound like he had the breath knocked out of him.
Her eyes watched him, wide in panic as he reached out to touch her. She flinched back, dropping the three albums she had planned on purchasing. She stumbled back away from him and towards the door, the albums left forgotten on the dirty linoleum floor.
“Hey!” the agitated teenager yelled after her. Alex desperately watched her retreating figure, unsure on what to do. He quickly picked up the albums and handed enough cash to the cashier before running after her.
His long legs carried him much faster than hers would allow her and before long his fingers were wrapping themselves around her left wrist preventing her from running.
“Dee…” Alex whispered
Kennadee closed her eyes willing herself to not cry in front of him. “Let go of me, Alex” her tone venomous and deadly.
“Kennadee, please…I-I miss you” Alex begged, his eyes glazing over.
Her eyes snapped open at his confession, narrowing to glare at him “How dare you!” she snarled, pulling her wrist from his grip.
“How DARE you!” she pushed him back away from her “You don’t get to miss me, Alex! You don’t get that right. I can’t even believe you have the balls to say that.”
Alex’s eyes widened in panic, grief, and hurt as she grew more and more angry. Her words cutting him like a knife.
“God…you….you pretentious asshole. I hate you, you know that right? I absolutely hate you” Kennadee grabbed the albums from his hand and walked away not having the energy to listen to him try to grovel his way back into her life.
Alex stood in the middle of the sidewalk, mouth open and mind numb. I hate you. Her voice weaved around his mind replaying the words with the same poisonous tone. It was only when he noticed the people bouncing off of his body as the hustled through the street did he come back to reality. He hung his head and allowed his feet to carry him back to his hotel room, his search for solace a complete disaster.
“So?” Rian asked as Jack shuffled into the room. Jack grimly shook his head “I dunno guys, he’s pretty broken down right now” he sighed.
“This is such bullshit!” Zack spat earning questioning looks from the other two boys.
“Zack… “ Rian trailed off, knowing exactly where Zack was going with his outburst. He didn’t necessarily disagree but they had enough to deal with without everyone taking sides. Rian was always more sensitive to keeping the band in check in tense situations, but this was something he didn’t know how to fix.
“No, look it doesn’t even make sense that he makes an ass of himself on stage every night and is drinking his life away when it’s his fault. Kennadee didn’t break his heart. She didn’t leave him. He’s the one that messed about and then told her he didn’t love her. So excuse me if I think this whole charade he’s putting on needs to come to an end” Zack vented his frustrations about the depressed band member, his voice unwavering and with enough volume that the boy in the other room heard him loud and clear.
Alex sat with his head in his hands his thoughts consumed with the words he heard Zack say. He was right, Alex knew that. He knew that everything was his fault, no one needed to tell him that. He just didn’t realize how much his best friends and band mates were starting to resent him. He couldn’t help it though, he missed her so much.
“I guess it’s true, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” he muttered to the empty hotel room, pulling himself up from the bed and into a pair of shoes. He stumbled into his day old wrinkled clothes and hastily left the hotel room in search of solace someplace else. He mindlessly wandered the crowded city streets, his feet carrying him through the hordes of people. He occasionally muttered out a sorry for every person he bumped into until he finally found his destination.
His hands pushed on the cold metal rail, a chirping bell sounding off as the door opened. The store was badly lit with flickering lights and smelled distinctively of old vinyls, dust, and stale coffee. His eyes scanned the rows of albums though he knew exactly what he was searching for. His nimble fingers flicked through the plastic cases, desperately trying to locate the one that was both holding him together and tearing him apart. He briefly acknowledged the chirping bell that went off as someone new entered the establishment but he paid no mind as the person quickly darted past him.
He moved down into the next row making a mental note to comment to the manager on how poorly the records were organized because really, only categorizing by genre was making his search a lot harder than necessary. He loudly sighed in frustration, growing agitated that his exertion of energy to find one album was coming up completely empty. His eyes once again scanned the whole row of discs, lighting up when he finally saw the gem he had been searching for sitting in the middle row being blocked by the young woman that was haphazardly flipping through the titles.
Alex bit his lip; his eyes trained on the album cover as he grew impatient he finally just went for it.
“ ‘scuse me” he mumbled as he reached over her arm and plucked the album out of its place. He held the album to his chest and quickly walked to the checkout line, delicately placing the album down on the counter.
“$12.00” the bored teenager recited and placed the album in a small white bag “Thank You, Come Again” written on the cheap plastic. Alex swiped his debit card and punched in the pin.
“I don’t need a receipt” he grabbed the bag and turned around, bumping into the young woman. Her perfume filled his nostrils. The familiar scent of vanilla, honeysuckle and pomegranate, a signature scent that he had grown to love. A scent that he dreadfully missed, it was the smell that he used to notice would linger in his sheets when she was around.
For the first time, Alex’s eyes scanned over her petite figure. Her cascading dark curls, her blue-grey eyes, her coral colored lips. He blinked his eyes rapidly, it wouldn’t be the first time he had mistaken a stranger to be her. The first few months he could have sworn he was going crazy, he saw her everywhere, or at least he thought he had and now when he was expecting it lease, when he was replacing her album that his best friend so carelessly broke, he finally found her.
“Kennadee” her name flowed off of his tongue with a breathy tone that made it sound like he had the breath knocked out of him.
Her eyes watched him, wide in panic as he reached out to touch her. She flinched back, dropping the three albums she had planned on purchasing. She stumbled back away from him and towards the door, the albums left forgotten on the dirty linoleum floor.
“Hey!” the agitated teenager yelled after her. Alex desperately watched her retreating figure, unsure on what to do. He quickly picked up the albums and handed enough cash to the cashier before running after her.
His long legs carried him much faster than hers would allow her and before long his fingers were wrapping themselves around her left wrist preventing her from running.
“Dee…” Alex whispered
Kennadee closed her eyes willing herself to not cry in front of him. “Let go of me, Alex” her tone venomous and deadly.
“Kennadee, please…I-I miss you” Alex begged, his eyes glazing over.
Her eyes snapped open at his confession, narrowing to glare at him “How dare you!” she snarled, pulling her wrist from his grip.
“How DARE you!” she pushed him back away from her “You don’t get to miss me, Alex! You don’t get that right. I can’t even believe you have the balls to say that.”
Alex’s eyes widened in panic, grief, and hurt as she grew more and more angry. Her words cutting him like a knife.
“God…you….you pretentious asshole. I hate you, you know that right? I absolutely hate you” Kennadee grabbed the albums from his hand and walked away not having the energy to listen to him try to grovel his way back into her life.
Alex stood in the middle of the sidewalk, mouth open and mind numb. I hate you. Her voice weaved around his mind replaying the words with the same poisonous tone. It was only when he noticed the people bouncing off of his body as the hustled through the street did he come back to reality. He hung his head and allowed his feet to carry him back to his hotel room, his search for solace a complete disaster.
Notes
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12/5/13