Good as Gone.

It was now about two in the morning when Neil and I got back to his apartment which was in between the parlor and Brooklyn; and ironically it wasn't but a mile or two from my apartment. It was on a main road and was across from a park; I thought about his daughter and how this was a pretty perfect location for her to grow up in.

"Wow your place is gorgeous!" I said as we entered his second story apartment. The living area was an open floor plan with all white cabinets in the kitchen and marble floors throughout. The living room held a white sectional with an entire wall of a filled black bookshelves, a wall of exposed brick and the rest held some larger windows that led out to the fire escape, all complimented with a large furry gray area rug. Tucked in the corner was an iron spiral staircase that led upstairs to the second level. I entered the kitchen and set down the bags of groceries that we had gotten on the counter. I ran back downstairs to his car to get the other things we had picked up as well for the baby; such as a stroller, an extra car seat, a pack-n-play in place of a crib for the time being until the one he had ordered came in, plus some other necessities. It took a couple trips but carried as much as I could, and after we got everything inside we sat down with his daughter sleeping in his arms.

"Well this is my humble home," he sighed and gave me a weak smile. "Thank you Devon, this really means a lot to me, for you to help me through all this."

"It's honestly the least I can do Neil, you've helped me a lot since the guys left." I smiled.

"It all started when I first started going out to bars and stuff when I was old enough," he began as he rocked his daughter in his arms.

"What started?"

"Courtney and I," he said flatly and I kept quiet. "I was twenty two when we met, and she was magical back then Dev, you have no idea. She reminds me of you in certain ways; driven with a captivating personality, oblivious to her own gorgeousness. I don't think I could ever love again like I loved her, we were simply made to be together and it was excruciating at the same time. We took things too fast, we moved into together after barely six months, we ended up never having time to ourselves and it tore us apart. We fought more often than not and it was the worst. We would be screaming at each other at the top of our lungs and one of us would end up in tears. Most of the time it was me, it drove me to hate her when she would act as if she didn't care and just walk out emotionless. I gave her my heart and soul for five years, while getting nothing in return. I was exhausted from us fighting and then I lost someone close to me, which threw me into a crippling depression, to which she did nothing because she didn't understand it or actually go through it yourself. For about the last year though I got better and she seemed to have noticed me for the first time, we fell back in love all over again and we were better than ever. I was ready to settle down and start a life with her so I proposed, and it ruined me. She said no obviously but she stayed with me barely a week after it, and her things were just gone one day."

"I'm so sorry Neil, I've been in some pretty one sided relationships enough to say it's destructive and unhealthy. I'm not saying I know how you're feeling but I can empathize that it fucking sucks." I laughed lightly trying to lighten the mood as I put my hand on his knee and gave a weak smile. The night ended with us keeping light conversation, putting his daughter to sleep in the make-shift crib and passing out on the couch to the sounds of classical piano that came from the baby's mobile.

I woke up to the sound of the baby crying and it had only been two hours since I fell asleep. I pulled the blanket off of me and walked over to her. I picked her up and bounced her in my arms, hoping that would console her and after a couple minutes of doing this she quieted down again. I went to set her back down and she instantly started crying again so I picked her up and walked to kitchen trying to keep quiet so Neil could sleep a little longer. I held her in one arm as I used the other to make a bottle of formula which didn't take long. It occurred to me that Courtney didn't care about her baby enough to give her a name, I looked down at her and thought of a name that would fit her.

After she finished eating I walked around the apartment as I burped her and tried to get her to go back to sleep. I sat down on the couch and played with her thinking it would wear her out and she would sleep soon. It wasn't soon after she fell asleep on me that I fell asleep as well.

I was woken up by Neil taking my arms off his daughter who was also still sleeping on top of me and I instantly sat up as well. Neil insisted I go back to sleep because I was up all night helping him and then waking up again to take care of her. I tried my best to fight off my exhaustion and got up anyway. I lied and said I really had to get home and take care of some more stuff for school. So I helped Neil prepare her a bottle showing him what to do, telling him to not make it too warm as well, I reminded him to always burp her after she ate and call me if he had any questions as I walked out the door.

"Wait Dev! How do I change her diaper?!" He looked petrified as I simply laughed and took the baby to the changing table I had set up last night. I showed him what to do explaining that she would cry if it needed to be changed as well. He took it all in and the only thing he was confused about seemed to be diaper cream, I told him he would do fine and call with any questions whatsoever. I was on my way out and he handed me twenty dollars, telling me to get some breakfast or a coffee, I told him to just stay relaxed around her, get to know her and as I told him to think of a name for her his face went white and I laughed as I shut his apartment door and headed home.

As instructed I stopped at a coffee shop on the way home and grabbed a coffee that I nearly finished on the walk home and checked my phone. I responded to the texts from Alex and Jack from last night, telling Alex to call me when he woke up with his hangover. Both Alex and Jack had texted me saying they wouldn't have their phone on them because they were going to go out to a club with a few friends off the crew and from the studio. Zack had called and left a voicemail obviously hoping it would be okay if he went out with them. Since I hadn't gotten a hold of any of them last night he had texted me saying he would go and not get wasted but just to make sure Alex and Jack kept their clothes on which made me laugh. I texted him back saying to call me when he woke up as well. I finally acknowledged the time and it had just turned 8:30 by the time I reached my building, I made my way upstairs and felt the extent of my exhaustion really hit me.

I pulled my keys out of my bag and unlocked my apartment door, making sure to run over and turn the alarm off as well. Instead of simply going back to bed I started a pot of coffee and opened the windows to let some fresh air in before I headed up stairs to change. I ran upstairs while that was brewing I poked my head in to see Hannah still sleeping in Alex's bed then went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I quickly stripped out of my clothes from the night before once I was in my room, I put on some fresh deodorant and changed my underwear and bra. I found a Baltimore Ravens sweatshirt of Zack's and pulled it on over my white t-shirt, I then found a clean pair of pajama shorts and a fresh pair of socks. I finished the last of my coffee from the shop and threw the cup away before getting two cups of what I just made and walked over to Adam's apartment.

I knocked and waited patiently for him to answer, I knew he didn't like to sleep in so I hoped he would be awake. I knocked again after waiting for a few minutes and shortly after that Adam appeared, shirtless and with his sweatpants barely hanging on his hips, on the other side of his door. "Devon?"

"Good morning!" I laughed with a preppy tone as I let myself in his apartment, again taken back when I realized how much money he had simply based off of the state of his apartment. "How were you able to do all this renovating?!" His apartment was the stereotype sleek and modern New York apartment. His kitchen was immediately in front of you when you walked in and held a dark gray paint from floor to ceiling with a wall of navy upper and lower cabinets with white marble counter tops, paired with a matching island with a bar and stools on one side. The apartment entirely seemed to be a studio that was easily half the size of mine with floor to ceiling windows from the kitchen to where the loft, that was his bedroom, started. The main living space was large enough for a matching couch and love seat with a bookshelf and two comfy chairs tucked underneath the loft. Next to that under the loft, tucked under the stairs, was the bathroom which was artfully made of frosted old windows.

"It was a gift, mom and dad bought it out for my eighteenth birthday." He said shyly, obviously embarrassed of his wealth. I smiled and handed him the coffee I brought with me.
"I love it, I'm hoping to get the painting done soon. Alex was supposed to be helping me but his schedule didn't really coordinate with mine anymore." I shrugged changing the subject. "What are your plans today?"

"I don't have any yet, hence me trying to sleep in." I laughed at the look he gave me, knowing I was the reason he woke up earlier than he planned. "I think that is going to change with the way you're looking at me," he trailed.

"Not today no, but tomorrow I offered Hannah my help to get her things from her apartment and I was going to ask you if you would help just as a precaution if the guy who did that to her was to show up."

"A guy did that to her?!" He practically shouted and his once sleepy attitude disappeared and was replaced with an angry one.

"Yeah she basically picked up a stalker within her first two weeks there." I shrugged. "I'm only being nice to her for Alex's sake, and because I wish someone was there when I went through this shit."

"That's quite nice of you considering she seems like a fucking snake," he mumbled as he walked to the bathroom.

"She wasn't always like this, I guess time changes people though." I thought back to my freshman year when Hannah had formally introduced me to Mike's little sister, Lisa. All she did was simply hug me without a word, and I did the same. No words were needed to be said to each other the silence wasn't awkward or anything, it meant more without words in a way. We both knew very well what our brothers had done to each other and soon after this she easily replaced Hannah as my best friend.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Adam returned from the bathroom, "So you might want to go back to your apartment soon-" I gave him a confused look when he cut himself off when someone knocked at the door. "Shit, well Jenna and Ryan are here if you want to hide. If they see you they will not leave your side. Those two have been bugging me to bring you around since we went to dinner."

I complied and tip toed my way upstairs and jumped into Adam's king bed, hiding under the covers and suddenly enveloped in his scent. I felt guilty but it was infatuating and comforting only because it reminded me of Zack. Moments after this he opened the door and the chatter that clung to the sisters like velcro soon echoed through his small apartment. He tried his best to move them along, saying that he needed to get dressed and he would meet them outside to no avail.

They asked which apartment on this floor was mine and if I was doing okay after the break in, not leaving out how cute it would be if we dated. After a few minutes of that Ryan's eyes must've caught sight of my coffee mug that was on the counter along with his. "I see Adam, I guess we will meet you later. Just take your time getting dressed and drinking your two separate cups of coffee."

Soon after some whispering, giggling and his door opening and then closed with his sisters on the other side. I pulled myself out of his comfortable bed and made my way downstairs. "How much do you want to bet that they are hiding in the hall to see who leaves first?" I laughed once I was in the kitchen next to him.

"Either that or Ryan is artfully going to barge back in any second for her jacket that she 'forgot'," he said holding up a black bomber jacket and shaking his head at the thought of his sisters.

"Why are they so fixated on me? I mean I only have known you since the beginning of summer."

"Well I haven't brought any friends around them that aren't guys like ever, plus they have been endlessly trying to set me up with someone for the past three years." He laughed at the nonsense that was his sisters.

"Oh geez, well I'm going to go home now. I will see you tomorrow." I said and waved goodbye as I took both my coffee cups and left. To my surprise there were no sister waiting in the hall, laughing to myself as I made my way into my apartment.

As if on queue my phone rang when I went to check the time.
"Hello," I said, smiling into the phone.

Good morning beautiful, how did you sleep? Zack's voice came through the phone and although he sounded like he just woke up but it brought me comfort.

"I actually barely slept, last night at work was crazy with just the constant business that we had. It was nice to have the time pass quickly like it did but I was exhausted by the time I closed the shop. After that I didn't get to sleep until close to three or four I think," I trailed as I thought back to what actually went done last night.

Why in the world were you up so late?

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I joked. After silence fell between us, I began the story of Neil and Courtney. Told him about the abuse and fighting, how Neil lost his sister and how Nick mentioned that he is making it up to her through me. I explained how she left him without knowing she was pregnant and then showed up last night basically leaving the baby on his doorstep. "So yeah, that was my night. How was last night for you guys?"

Neil seems like he is going to be a great dad, does he have a name for her yet?

"No not yet, I told him to think about it when I left this morning."

Well Jack and Alex started off with Jaeger bombs so our night didn't last very long with those two out of control. I think we ended up back at the hotel by two in the morning so I was at least able to some sleep. How are you doing though? Did you start working out yet?

"I'm okay, I've been keeping busy and that helps a lot. There isn't a day where I don't find myself doing something or caught up helping some one else. I think I'm just going to have a down day and maybe work on some songs since tomorrow Adam and I are going to help Hannah empty her apartment-"

What?! You two are actually getting along?! Wait why is she packing up her apartment?

"Are you the only one awake?" I asked as I got up from the couch to refill my coffee.

Yeah why? His voice concerned and worried.

"Okay give me a second," I set my phone and coffee down on the counter. I grabbed a blanket that was laying on the back of the couch and returned for my phone and coffee. I made my way up the fire escape to the roof and sat on our sad patio furniture. "Okay sorry I want to tell you but you got to promise that you will not tell Alex, Hannah told me she would talk to him. I'm giving her until tomorrow or I will tell him."

I promise Dev, but what is it?! His voice escalated with more curiosity.

"The shortened version is that yesterday I woke up and she was at my door. She looked like she had went out the night before and then she took off her glasses and jacket, she was covered in bruises Zack. She told me that it was a guy that met her and basically started stalking her. He drugged her at a party and then kept following her around, showing up to her apartment without being invited or anything. She went out with friends to a club or whatever a couple nights ago and he showed up there and freaked out on her, he pulled her into the ally and beat the crap out of her. The morning after that is when she showed up here, and I told her she could stay in Alex's room for a couple days. She pulled herself out of school and is transferring to a community college back in Baltimore."

Oh my gosh, that is absolutely insane. His voice trailed which only emphasized his shock.

"That's what I said, but it will be over before I start school which was the only thing I was worried about. But anyway, are you guys making anymore progress in the studio?"

Our producer has been cutting the first half of the album together which they don't really need us there for, but told us to not do anything crazy because if something doesn't lay up right we gotta head in and rerecord it.

"Wow that is annoying," I sighed into the phone as I made my way down the fire escape and inside, away from the morning chill. I wished to myself that things didn't have to be this complicated that way they could just come home, and maybe I would get to see them before they left for tour. "I think I'm going to take a trip back to Baltimore to see mom and dad before school gets into full swing and- hold on one second." I got up, putting my phone down to answer the door.

I made my away across the living room and into the hallway, I opened the door to reveal Hannah's parents and a chill washed over me. I stood there in complete shock as they acted so excited to see me. Hannah had never told her parents about what happened and why we drifted apart. I assumed it was because she wanted to get away with what she was doing and they would hold her accountable of her actions. I smiled politely and invited them inside, offering them a cup of coffee which they declined. I excused myself to let Hannah know they were here and took my phone with me.

"Hey babe I will call you back in a few minutes, Hannah's parents just showed up."

Okay, I love you. I told him I loved him and hung up as I rushed up the stairs. I knocked on Alex's room door and opened it to be faced with a tear stricken, makeup free face and a duffel bag of what I assumed were her things that she kept in Alex's room. I gave her a questioning look and looked around the room and noticed that the pictures of them were taken down. "Hannah," I breathed as pain pumped into my heart and dread consumed me.

"I'm sorry Devon, but it isn't fair to him anymore." Was all she said as she pulled the bag over her shoulder and walked passed me. I turned and watched her walk away but she stopped at the door and turned back, "My parents are going to help me clear out my apartment, thank you for everything. Really Devon, I appreciate it because I know that I did not deserve this." That was the last I saw of Hannah Woods.

I called Zack back and filled him in on what had happened as I prepared some lunch. I sat on the couch with my grilled cheese and sighed. "You are probably going to get another song out of this you know, that girl has always been a straight up hustler." I laughed.

Hopefully it will round out the album, Alex has us working on this song but he wont let us hear the lyrics. It seems like a good challenge we are finally lining everything up according to him. He wants it to be super top secret or something but I think tomorrow he said he is going to have me harmonize some lines with him therefore we get to hear the song for the first time. There is only two more songs we got to work on unless he gets the one about her done with by the end of the month. I really hope we don't get stuck with too much press after the release, they have us doing a couple local gigs then off on tour immediately which sucks.

"That sounds chaotic, I couldn't imagine having all this to do in such short time. Why does it matter if the album is done by the end of the month? Is there really that little time in between everything?"

They are selling out our EP again and promoting our new album to be released the 25th, it will be okay. Most everything we do now is approving our sound after the producer handles it and waiting our turn to record our parts individually for the songs we have left. I think I will talk to the guys, see if we can get Alex alone today and he could crank out a song that way we don't have to stick around any longer.

"Okay darling I am going to go, as much as I would love to talk to you all day I have a couple things I would like to get done." I lied. "Call you again soon, promise. I love you."

Okay babe, I love you. Talk soon, I promise. I hung up the phone and my heart sank, I missed Zack more than I had ever imagined. I missed Alex too but it was in a totally different way, he was my family and we would always be attached. I let a few tears fall as I picked up my notebook off of the coffee table. I held the tears back and turned the pain into words that I felt someone else would sing for me.

The day had passed and I had fallen asleep on the couch with three half finished songs and not much else accomplished. I felt numb to anything but pain for the first time in a long time, and I did not know what to do. It seemed that when I ran out of words for a song, my blood stopped pumping and I was frozen in the moment until I found something to grab onto. Exhaustion consumed me as I sat, alone, in my apartment.

I woke up around eleven at night to someone knocking on my apartment door. I reluctantly got up, answered the door and let Adam in. I would have turned him away had it not been for the chinese food that had accompanied him. We sat and ate our food in silence while watching Sons of Anarchy, making casual small talk here and there.

I told him how the album production, how the guys were doing and about Hannah. While I told him about Neil and his daughter I laughed to myself. I imagined my life uneventful and based on school after the boys left, but yet here I was with more happening in my life that I could have ever guessed. Adam excused himself, retreating back to his own apartment and in my sentimental pit of despair I decided to pick up my phone and patch up some wounds.

I reached out to the boys individually, sending them my love, wishing them luck in the studio and telling Alex to call me if he needed. I texted Hannah as well, wishing her the best out of life and that I hoped everything worked out. I came across Lisa's contact name and sent her a message as well, telling her I missed her face and invited her to come visit anytime she wanted. Lastly I sent something out to Cassadee, asking her how she was doing with Rian gone and inviting her out as well. It was late when I set my phone down, well into the next day. I didn't expect a response from anyone because of this.

I picked up my papers and notebook before I wandered up to my room. I locked my door and the windows before I set the alarm and climbed the stairs, flopping into my bed and embraced my exhaustion before letting myself slip into my subconscious. I smiled to myself and dreamed of the first day I had met Zack.

I was in my room with Lisa and Cass, we were getting ready to go a fall festival in a neighboring town. It was still quite warm for mid-October so I pulled on some black jeans with slits at the knees. I wore my white Converse that I have had for a couple months now and were no longer pristine white, more of a cream color. I wore a black long sleeve the was a comfortable light material, and wore a red vest over it to keep me warm if we were out past dark. I sat down with the girls to do a little makeup and sang along with music that was playing.

Once we finished we went downstairs and told the girls that I would meet them outside. I walked into the kitchen to smell my mom making muffins, "Oh they smell so good, save me some!" I said as I kissed her cheek.

"I will darling. Are you ladies off then?"

"Yeah, I don't know when it is over though, I don't know when we will be back. Is that okay with you?" I questioned. I knew she was still weary about me going out after the Mike incident, even if it did happen a year ago.

"Just text me before dark and let me know what the plans are. The girls are more than welcome to stay here when you get back." Her voice was cautious but showed worry.
"I promise mom, I love you." I kissed her cheek and made my way outside.

Lisa and Cass were already in the car fighting over who was to pick the music. I ran up to my driver's door and as I neared the car, Alex pulled in with Hannah in the passenger seat. A stiff tension filled the air as he got out of his car and we crossed paths momentarily, the silence was soon filled by Jack and Rian who were in the back seat. Jack had reached in blared the horn making Hannah shrill in annoyance. I laughed and ignored Alex as I waved to the boys and got in my car.

"That wasn't awkward or anything." Lisa stated sarcastically.

"He is just mad that I don't approve of him and Hannah, but they both can go fuck themselves." I said, with a bitter taste filling my mouth at the thought of them. I started the car and drove off.

The festival was about thirty minutes away but went by quickly with us screaming lyrics at the top of our lungs and laughing at everything. We paid our admission fee and made our way around taking pictures and having fun. We made our way to the back of the grounds and found the sunflower maze and just as we went to enter my phone lit up with a text from Alex that simply said 'Be careful.' I put my phone in my pocket and rolled my eyes. It was a breathtaking sight and a lot of fun. As we rounded the last part of the maze that led to the exit. We ran to the end racing each other and while I was the first one out I full-on collided with someone, which caused the girls to laugh at me.

I climbed off the stranger and kept apologizing repeatedly until one of the girls spoke up. "Oh hey Zack, I didn't think you would be working tonight!" Cass said as she reached out to help him off the ground, hugging him when he was standing.

"Yeah someone bailed so I came in to cover," he shrugged. I took in his appearance and thought that I stopped breathing for a moment. He was tall, broad shouldered and had an unruly mop of curly hair; His features were sharp and angular, littered with freckles, and his eyes were on me all of a sudden, green and with specks of light brown towards the middle. His smile was white and lopsided, making it adorably cute.

Lisa whispered in my ear, "You're drooling Dev." I shook my head out of the trance and smiled lightly.

"Devon, this is Zack. Zack, meet Devon. He goes to Tomson and surprisingly isn't an ass like the rest of the school." Cass laughed, giving me the eye. I rolled my eyes at her and waved politely at the gorgeous boy in front of me. He was quiet and kind of just stared at me in amazement, I thought to myself that I probably looked like that when I was staring at him.

"So you must be the girl Rian told me about," he finally spoke, his voice deep as he looked at the ground.

"I don't know, Rian is a pretty common name and I am not the only female around." I joked, also trying to avoid eye contact. He laughed and it was raspy, it was hot.

"Yeah well his name isn't Rian exactly," he sighed shaking his head and holding a hand on the back of his neck.

"Oh well then, how did you meet 'Not Exactly Rian'?" I asked.

"I usually am at the skate park and one day he was there with I think his older brother," he said as he shrugged and shuffled his feet.

"Well you should come hang out one day, I can get your number from Cass." I trailed and lowered my face in my hair to hide the blush creeping across my face.

"Okay, good seeing you Lisa. You too Cass, I will talk to you guys later I got to get back to work." He said as he slowly backed away with a smirk on his face and waved before he disappeared into the sunflowers.

For the rest of the night and even when we got back to my house, the girls would not stop talking about how Zack and I could be so good together. They said that he was usually so quiet and they had never seen them talk so much at once. We were in the kitchen, still talking about Zack and I will admit that I was gushing about his near perfect features. We all finally dropped the subject as Alex had entered the room with Jack and Rian behind him. He got all mad at me because I wouldn't tell him who I was talking about. He was yelling at me enough to make Lisa to raise her voice.

"Alex, back off okay? She is allowed to think a guy is cute without you criticizing her for it. Its not like they are getting married or anything, hell they just fucking met today. He is a good guy too whether that matters or not to you. I have known the kid a while and will vouch for him just as Cass would. You two are brother and sister and are stuck with each other, so get over it." We were all a little taken back to see her speak up like her did. She had always kept the peace around Alex regardless if she did still like him a lot, but she also knew him through what I told her and you could see she was already hitting some of his nerves.

"Newsflash you aren't always going to get along either, but no matter who you have chosen to be with at the time she has been there for you through all of it. The least you could do is be there for her, regardless if you are dating a shitty person. She lost her best friend when you two got together, she doesn't need to lose her brother too. I know you two have been through some shit so don't make one another lose another sibling."

I woke up with a start when the memory of Lisa's rant ended, my heart beating out of my chest. I took deep breaths and my heart seemed to keep aching at the memory of my best friend telling off my brother with all the things I didn't have the guts to say. I looked over at my alarm clock for the time that read 3:30 am. I sighed and rolled back over to get some much needed sleep.

Notes

hey persons, hope you like it. more to come soon, and comment to let me know what you think or your take on the characters. i would really love to know what you guys think!
xoxo