Good as Gone.

"My key isn't working, thank god you finally woke up." She said pushing her way into the apartment.

"What do you want Hannah? You know Alex isn't here," I trailed shutting the door. I took in her appearance which consisted of a tight red dress, a gaudy necklace, a leather jacket and some thigh high black boots. I guessed she was still a little buzzed from whatever trouble she got herself into from the night before, as she was wearing her staple hungover sunglasses that covered most of her face.

"I need your help," her voice soft and almost sounded scared.

"What is that? I don't have any money-" I cut my words short as I watched her take off her sunglasses to reveal a nasty black eye, she then took off her jacket which hid more bruises along her arms; my heart dropped. She made her way to the living room and sat on the couch, I followed right behind her. "What happened Hannah?!" And just like that the hard shell Hannah held around herself seemed to break and she opened up to me for the first time since she started dating Alex.

"It started when I-I moved int-to my apartment early, like two weeks ago and g-got set up and everything, I was getting excited for school to start and all. I made a couple friends, this guy, he was really nice at first, I thought I could make friends with him and all because he just started as a friend of a friend. There was-s a homecoming p-party and other festivities. I was drinking obviously but barely enough to get buzzed, and I went to get another drink and I t-think I was d-drugged, because the next thing I know the same guy said he liked me and was kind of forcing himself on me but I kept telling him I had a boyfriend. I couldn't fight-t b-back he was too s-strong and I was really high on whatever he had given me. He just kept telling me he knew I had a boyfriend, and it was him." She paused her story but I knew there was more. She took a moment to catch her breath and I excused myself, I ran upstairs and grabbed a sweatshirt for her, back downstairs I grabbed her a cup of coffee.

"Its okay Hann, you don't have to continue. I know its hard," I trailed knowing what she was going through from my own experiences. I shook off the terror of my past boyfriend mistakes and told myself I was safe. She nodded, taking a sip of her coffee and pulling the sweatshirt I provided over her head.

"He knows where I live, he just kept showing up there day after day. I don't know what to do. I-I just cant bring myself to go back, not after last night there is no way he isn't looking for me." She sighed hanging her head, "I was out with a couple friends at a club nearby and he had followed me there. He dragged me away from my friends and was screaming at me so I did what I did best, I screamed back and it was the worst mistake of my life. H-he punched me in the face, and I was m-mostly sober so I fought back, trying to get away and he just grabbed m-my arms. He brought me outside and kept k-kissing me to keep me quiet, I-I tried to keep fighting. He just kept hitting me, I couldn't do anything to stop it either and that was the scariest part. I got one good scream out and some people came and pulled him off me and I just ran, I was so scared. I've been walking around since then, I came here and ran into Adam in the hall when I tried my key around five this morning. He let me in his apartment and told me I could stay there until you woke up, and here I am." She bent over to take off her boots then brought her knees to her chest.

"You can stay here for a couple days," I offered after a minute of silence, knowing there wasn't much else I could do. "But if you need to stay longer you can attend school and I suggest getting a job because I am not going to buy everything for the apartment. Groceries, toiletries, electric bill, all that good stuff."

"Really?" Her head shot up in shock, knowing she didn't deserve me being nice to her. "Devon I'm really sorry about basically everything I have said to you over the past couple years, I was so jealous of the relationship that you and Alex have. I was never really close with my siblings so I couldn't didn't understand."

"I accept your apology but you have a long way to go before I could even think of considering you a friend again. Im doing this out of respect for Alex and to have a clear conscious. You can stay on one condition, you need to go to the doctors to check for broken ribs and any other injuries. I also assume you don't want Alex finding out?" I stood up crossing my arms.

"Yeah I know I need to tell him, but I need to get over it all first. I pulled myself out of school, and am transferring to a community college back home, I already found someone to cover my lease. I just need to stay here and pack up my things while I work for the money for a rental car to get home."

I got up and refilled my coffee, as I headed back upstairs I stopped to tell her I was going shopping today and she had no choice but to tag along. I hated myself for not being able to trust her but it wasn't my doing that broke the trust that we once shared. I climbed the stairs to my room and shut the door behind me, I sat down in front of my vanity and took my braid out. I did my usual makeup but added a winged eyeliner and added some individual fake lashes to the corners of my eyes, I checked my phone one last time before getting dressed, hoping Zack would call.

I got up and shed my pajamas, I pulled on some black leggings and knee high tube socks. I found a loose flowing white v-neck t-shirt of Zack's and pulled that over my head. I dug through my closet looking for a jacket and found a olive colored wind breaking jacket, and I pulled half of my hair back into a bun on the back of my head before heading to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and played with my hair pulling a few strands down to frame my face.

I made my way downstairs after grabbing my phone and wallet and throwing them into my purse. I put my coffee cup in the sink and cleaned up my mess from breakfast, once I finished I met Hannah at the door and told her to wait outside. "I have to alarm the system, I will meet you downstairs." I said as I opened the door to my apartment, I grabbed the keys to my door and threw them in my bag as well as a water bottle, my list of errands and one of my many disposable cameras I kept ready.

I locked the door handle and crossed the room and grabbed my black knee high boots and pulled those on. I walked over to the alarm and set it to arm itself in thirty seconds, giving me enough time to get out the door. It beeped signally the countdown so I walked away, grabbed my jacket and purse and pulled my door shut behind me. I reached in my purse for my keys and locked the deadbolt as well before I headed downstairs. I ran downstairs slightly limping from my stitches and collided with someone as I rounded the corner to the last flight of stairs.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry-" I started as I climbed off of my victim. "Adam?" I questioned my friend, he seemed to be coming home from a run wearing nothing under his zip-up sweatshirt and some athletic shorts.

"Good morning to you too Dev," he laughed as he got up off the floor. "Did you get Hannah out of my apartment?" I nodded. "Good because she was starting to freak me out, she just kept saying she need to get inside and didn't even insult you."

"Its a long story but she is staying with me for a couple days until she has the money to get home, she is moving out of the city." I sighed. "I am running a few errands if you want to tag along, I will even buy you a bagel and latte from the coffee place you like on fifth!" I smiled, hoping he would tag along and I wouldn't be stuck with Hannah alone all day.

"Darling I could buy that coffee place three times over, you don't need to buy me anything but the gesture is appreciated. Give me a minute to change and I will come along."

"Yay!" I said, over exaggerating and clapping like a child. A few minutes later I joined Hannah on the curb with Adam right behind me. "Adam is joining us today on our adventures," I said to Hannah when she gave me a funny look. I took in Hannah's appearance and you could tell she felt uncomfortable in her own skin, she was dressed in some leggings and a baggy sweatshirt of Alex's, her hair pulled up into a bun on top of her head and her makeup heavy to hide her eye, but it was still quite obvious.

I looked down at the time on my phone it was close to noon by now and so I checked my list and decided to go to the bookstore first. We made our way through the city and towards the shop, Adam offered to drive but I wanted to walk and enjoy the slightly warm weather before it turned snowy and freezing. It was definitely awkward being around Hannah again but I guess it was for the best, we all made small conversation on our walk and Hannah was surprisingly pleasant when she did speak even though she tried to remain quiet. We were about ten minutes away from the shop when my phone rang and my heart jumped, excited to talk to Zack.

"Hello," I answered cheerily with a smile creeping on my face.

Good morning darling, how did you sleep?

"I think the guys left around 11:30 and I cleaned up a little after that and then went to bed. I'm still a little tired but that's okay, I'm running some errands today and getting stuff for school before work. Excited for a little day off from the studio?"

Oh that's good hun, and yeah turns out we are just doing one interview so after that we are locking ourselves in the studio for some secret song Alex pulled out of nowhere so I don't think I will be able to call you later.

"That's okay Zack, Im sure we will work it out babe. I wish I was with you and could enjoy the nice weather, it is starting to get crisp here."

You love the cold weather though Dev, lets not pretend.

"True," I laughed. "I miss you darling, I cant wait to see you at Christmas."

It feels like so far away right now..

"Hey now, if I'm not aloud to be sad neither are you. Go for a run and blow off some steam or something, that might help." I suggested, knowing how I could help him even if it is from the opposite coast.

Thanks babe, I miss you so much. Im never going to leave you're side once I'm home.

"Oh stop it you're making me blush," I teased.

Okay babe, I gotta head to the studio now so I will talk to you later Dev.

"Sounds good babe, I love you. "

I love you too Devon.

"No really Zack, I love you with everything I have and I mean it from the bottom of my heart."

Babe I know I love you too, is everything okay?

"Yeah of course, have a good day and good luck with the interview!" With that I ended the call and returned to my companions. "So I have to find this list of books in here if you guys want to find something else to do I can meet you somewhere for lunch."

"I'm going to find something to read and probably grab a coffee," Hannah said as she pushed passed me and made her way into the bookstore. I turned and looked at Adam and he seemed just about as shocked as me.

"Well, okay then. I going to run and meet Jasey and Ryan for a few, they have questions about some party my mother is throwing."

"Aw, they them I said hi and we need to hang out soon! I will call you when I'm finishing up here." I said hugging him, kissing his cheek in a friendly way and he did the same. I turned and made my way inside taking in the hustle and bustle of college students like myself scrambling and overthinking everything. I laughed to myself and made my way to the academic section and tried to find the books I needed. After about fifteen minutes I managed to find a couple off my list but was missing as few so I checked out and asked the woman behind the counter if they had anymore in stock.

"No I'm sorry dear, that's the third box you birds have emptied in the passed two weeks." She apologized in a thick English accent that caught my attention.

"Oh no its fine, don't worry. I can order it online." I reassured her.

"Oh good, I'm glad." She laughed and bagged my things.

"What part of England are you from, if you don't mind me asking." I smiled

"I grew up and lived just outside London, until about two years ago, in Essex. Then love swept me away and brought me here," she beamed, glowing with euphoria. "Why do you ask love?"

"My family moved from Essex when I about seven, you're accent through me for a loop and kinda brought me back." I smiled and thanked her.

"I'm glad I could bring you home for a moment dear, my name is Rae if you ever need anything hun. Have a beautiful day darling." I turned with a smile of my face and made my way to the coffee counter and order just a large black coffee with three espresso shots and looked for Hannah.

I spotted her with a book, tucked back in a corner with her hood up. I pulled out my camera and moved into a ray of direct sun so that the camera would capture the essence of the moment. Just a sunny day with a complex girl at peace all by herself and reading in a crowded cafe. I put my camera back into my purse, sipped my coffee and made my way over to her.

"Hey are you hungry?" I asked, curious if she had eaten at all since she hadn't been back to her apartment.

"Sure," she said blankly, looking up from her book.

"Ive got a little while until I have to go to work, so do you maybe want to grab a small lunch then Adam and I can help you pack up your things at the apartment?" I offered this knowing she had to get her things out before the new renters moved in and also that she would not go alone. I might have come across insensitive to her situation but I knew quite exactly what she was going through.

~Some high school party, the summer before Devon's freshman year~

"There is no way you can do a shot better than me," I said. It was nearing midnight and what I had consumed was starting to kick in. I was talking to my boyfriend, Mike. He was your typical jock, gorgeously handsome, a deadly jawline and an up-and-coming senior.

"Babe I taught you how to do that." He said in between kissing my neck up and down. I pushed him off a little and he didn't ease up. I reached onto the counter and just downed another beer to numb the pain. I was still not getting along with Alex perfectly, he started hanging out with a few of his 'popular' friends again this past week, and blew off plans we had. So here I was, getting plastered at a party he was undoubtedly going to show up to, with a guy he absolutely despised. I forced Mike off of me and poured us both another beer from the keg, "Damn girl, I definitely didn't give you that tolerance. I'm surprised you can stand."

"I've grown up drinking wine with my dinner since I was twelve," I stated as I walked over to some familiar faces clouded by smoke. I sat down next to a girl I thought was in my English class and waited for one of the joints to come full circle. I felt a presence sink down behind me and wrap around my waist. Through my haze I thought about us as 'couple', I couldn't tell if he was using me or I was using him. I was mad at Alex and we both knew it was temporary, but Mike and his friends had it out for Alex since the beginning of the year when Alex had gotten drunk and slept with Mike's little sister Lisa and then proceeded to tell her he was wasted and it was an accident; To say the least she had a huge crush on him and was a virgin up until that night.

"Lets go upstairs," Mike cooed in my ear, and as I turned into him I saw Alex walk in with some girl on his arm. I complied after taking a couple hits, following him upstairs and purposely crossing directly in front of Alex. I made eye contact with him for a second and emotions came through his eyes; anger, pain, worry and regret to name a few. Now you know how it feels, being betrayed, I thought.

I nearly tripped on the stairs with Mike practically dragging me after him feeling really dizzy all of a sudden, I caught myself and kept following while feeling Alex's eyes watching me. We eventually found a bedroom and pulled me in, crashing his lips against mine pulling us together and laying us down on the bed. I felt numb, as if I couldn't move my arms or legs, I struggled to even talk.

"Mi-ke," I breathed. Fear pumped through me as I tried to pushed him off me but only was able to put my hands against his chest as he kept kissing me and pulling at my clothes.

"Lets get these off you," he demanded. Soon after that he stood to remove his shirt and suddenly it wasn't just him in the room, there were multiple faces all shirtless looking at me expectantly as I lay there incapacitated in just my bra and underwear. I couldn't have gotten this buzzed off of what I had taken, I couldn't sob I was numb to even that luxury; To say the least I didn't have a crush on Mike and was a virgin up until that night.

~End flashback~

Mike had taken me in a way Alex could have never protected me from and Alex was responsible I thought; because if he didn't drink the night he was with Lisa, they probably wouldn't have happened, and I wouldn't be the object of Mike's amusement. So I had stayed with Mike for three months after that, and the usage of me continued and the violence only got worse. I wore long sleeves to hide my bruises, we ended shortly after we got into an accident.

He was drunk and rolled his car we were in right after we had a huge fight and he had hit me, giving me a black eye. The doctors called out my bruises and fractures to be weeks old, not from the accident. My parents forbid me from seeing him and were on constant watch, even threatening me to send me back to live with family in Essex for an entire summer.

This point in my life I was lowest, I didn't have Alex, I didn't have barely any friends, and rumors were what stapled me as the school's whore. I was bullied, Alex tried to stop it but made no progress. I finally understood Tom when I sat down one day, thinking about how much of a struggle everyday was. It hurt to think of him like this, knowing he would have wanted more from me and for me in the future, I only used to remember being mad at him for leaving and thinking it was my fault. There were days I wished I at least had Mike, it definitely wasn't good attention but it was something, it made me feel real; Then there were days where I wished I had died in that accident, at least that way I wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath it had caused.
Ironically it was at this time, a few weeks after all this, when Hannah and I became best friends because I had no one to turn to so she noticed my distance with all of my friends and my being on house arrest. I told her everything that happened and she just told me we were going to be best friends and she was going to take care of me, she was going to protect me.

I shook off my thoughts of the past as we finished our lunch making small talk and staying pleasant, "So Hannah I know he is the last thing you want to talk about right now but can I know was he looks like? If he acts this psychotic after a couple of weeks I just want to make sure we have our bases covered and he doesn't try to make friends with me or anything."

"Yeah-uh here, that is kind of what he looks like. It is him in the back, he has curly hair like Zack's." She told me showing me a photo focused on her and her friends at some gathering.

"Okay, we will work this out Hann, don't worry." I said trying to reassure her. We paid the bill and once we were outside I called Adam and he didn't pick up but I checked the time and it read 1:30 in the afternoon, so I told Hannah we could go to her apartment tomorrow because I had to be to work by 2:15. We went back to the apartment and I disarmed the system and asked Hannah not to leave because I didn't have a spare key to give her. I ran up to my room and changed quick into a Wheatus t-shirt and a flannel, keeping on my boots and leggings but grabbing a few necklaces to layer together. I stopped in the bathroom to brush my teeth and yelled to Hannah that I was leaving. She yelled back from the couch and I left, locking the door handle behind me.

I ran to work, and set up my station feeling relieved to be back to work after all the chaos that has happened the past week. I greeted a couple people helped them with a consultation and scheduled a couple of appointments by the time it was 4. We were consistently busy and it was nice having the night fly by like it did. I was helping Nick with templates of my drawings for his next customer while he was finishing up with whoever he was currently working on. That seemed to help us the most with getting people in and out as fast and as soon as possible.

By the time our lobby was empty of people with appointments it was close to eleven at night. "Wow, that was crazy." I said yawning, the exhaustion feeling ever present now that I wasn't doing something. I sipped the last of my coffee and threw the empty container away as I made my way over to Neil's office to hand in the cash collected from today so that while we were cleaning he could even it out and give everyone their money for the night. I knocked on the door and it pushed itself open slightly but I didn't let myself in when I heard the yelling and crying that was ever present inside the small office.

"It's your kid Neil, I thought you should know before I leave. I can't have it, I don't want it. I'm meeting with the adoption agency tomorrow, that's why I need your signature for the parental rights."

"Courtney for fuck sake shut up! You aren't taking my kid anywhere and you sure as hell aren't getting me to forfeit my parental rights. What gives you the right to leave me for another guy ten months ago, and even when he dumped you because he found out you were pregnant with my kid, not tell me that I had a baby on the way." He yelled, loud enough to get the attention of the rest of the artists and make me step back from the door. I had never seen or heard Neil that furious, I returned to my desk and started my other work like sweeping and wiping down everything all the while my co-workers and I listened to the muffled war of words that was taking place.

"It's his ex," Nick whispered to me and I nodded. "He proposed to her a while back and she said she wasn't ready for that then left him within the week and ended up with someone else. This is the first I have seen her since then, I guess we know why." I was dumbfounded and at a loss for words, not knowing what to say, so I continued sweeping while everyone cleaned up their respective stations. I guess in the rush of things with work being so busy I didn't see her come in.

Another couple minutes of them screaming in his office and the door burst open revealing the infamous Courtney that looked utterly not bothered by what just happened. Neil was right behind her, "Court, what about the baby?!" He screamed after her as she stormed her way across the parlor and nearly out the door.

She stopped herself as she was leaving only to turn to look Neil dead in the eyes and say, "I dont want it! For fuck sake Neil, why can't you see that."

We were all silent and the only sound you heard was the baby crying from his office. It felt as if minutes passed, Neil didn't move or say anything even after Courtney left. I couldn't believe what just happened, none of us could. It was Zeia and I who walked up to Neil first, my heart was pounding in my chest, my nerves were through the roof and my breathing was short. Even as my nerves detected an attack coming on only reminding me and making it worse for me to be in front of everyone, yet I couldn't even focus on myself right now because all I knew was that I needed to be there for Neil. This in itself shocked me because the only people who could calm me down from an anxiety attack like that was Alex or Zack.

"Neil?" I questioned as I stepped into his line of sight, despite him being completely zoned out. I set my hand in his shoulder and felt him tense up but still didn't acknowledge me. "Neil," I said again shaking his shoulder. That of which seemed to work, to a degree. He brought his tear stricken eyes to meet mine, and apologized to all of us for having to see that. He hadn't moved from where he was standing, so I pushed again, "Neil? Are you okay?" He just made eye contact with me again and slightly shook his head no, his eyes filled with so many thoughts; you could tell he was absolutely terrified, he was so hurt as well. I just did what I knew I could do, I reached up on my toes and pulled his tall frame into a hug and whispered "It's going to be okay Neil, I promise. I'm here for you." He hugged me back so tightly my ribs were starting to hurt, and even though that was uncomfortable it let me know that he heard me.

He said nothing else as we pulled apart, he just handed me the keys to lock up and then walked back to his office, shutting his door behind him. My friends and I just looked at each other still shocked as to what just unfolded in front of us, we said nothing as we all finished our designated work. I did the books just like Neil does them, I handed out each artist's tips as they walked out the door.

Nick was the last one to leave and he stopped himself just before he did, "I have never seen Neil attach to someone the way he has to you. He is one of my best friends and practically family, I know you're in a relationship already but I just want you to know getting you like that isn't his goal. It really isn't my place to tell you but, he lost his little sister a couple years back, they weren't really close and all and I think he is trying to make it up to her through you. Just take care of him Devon he really needs it, he needed it before now and now he needs someone more than ever. I'm sure you've got your own shit going on and all but I really would appreciate it if you could help me here."

His words hit home, "I care for Neil like a brother and what I saw happen today hurt me in ways I didn't even know I could feel something. I haven't always had my brother and his band to keep me together, so with them gone I thought I would become nothing again and I would just become a nobody again, but Neil proved me wrong. He opened me up, he took care of me when he didn't have to, he has kept the promise he made my brother, but he has done so much more than that and I couldn't be more grateful for him Nick." I was starting to tear up, the heightened nerves and heartbeat from before returned, and I tried to collect my breathing before it got out of control.

Nick looked at me and asked if I was okay, I nodded. I shut my eyes and relaxed finally, I looked back up at Nick and he had been counting his money from his work today. He smiled and handed me all of the tip money he had earned tonight, "I can't take that Nick." I panicked and backed away from him.

"It's not all for you, go take care of daddy dofus, get them whatever they need. It will cover it," he paused as he set it down on my sketchbook, still smiling. "Also Devon, thanks for your help yesterday."

"With what?" I questioned, thinking back to what we talked about in the midst of the chaos that was my friends from Pierce the Veil.

"Amy," he paused again beaming with happiness. "She said yes."

I was elated and congratulated him, hugging him. I caught the look in his eye and it really stuck with me because I could tell he was so happy and in love. "I'm really so happy for you Nick!" I said hugging him again. "I knew it would work out you guys are seriously perfect together."

"Thank you Dev, it means a lot. No one else here really gets it, I could say the same about you and your guy, if I didn't know you were only eighteen I would've guessed you and him had been together for years and counting. I hope everything works out," he laughed, but there was a tone in his voice that I picked up knowing he was serious. I hugged him again as I walked him to the door and asked him to send my congratulations to Amy as well. I turned to face the empty and dimly lit parlor, I glanced at the stack of money Nick had left.

It was roughly $500 he left behind and packed up my things, putting the envelope of his in my bag as well. I grabbed for my phone and saw a few messages from Jack and Alex, a missed phone call from Zack and a text from Adam as well. I ignored them all and called Hannah hoping she was still awake. She answered after a few rings but said she was getting ready for bed and I just told her not to wait up and that I would be home late. I pocketed my phone and walked to the back and knocked on Neil's door. He opened it a moment later, his face looking tear stricken and distraught, "I can't get her to stop crying!"

"Hey hey hey, its okay." I shushed him, knowing he already had a lot going on in his mind. I turned to his daughter and was instantly transfixed on her, swept completely off my feet and felt my heart melt. I picked her up from the car seat and held her crying figure in my arms so delicately I smiled and rocked her in my arms. I always found babies to be ironic in a way that when you pick them up they are so small and light, but you are holding their life at the same time which was a big and heavy responsibility. I continued this for a couple minutes until she was calmed down and had fallen back asleep. I looked at Neil who just seemed to be lost, "Do you want to hold her?"

"I-uh-uh-I don't know how," he trailed as he hung his head. "What if I'm not good at this?" He asked me in a sad voice looking up, his eyes heavy with emotion.

I smiled and sat down next to him, "It's okay Neil, you will be a great dad. Just bend your left elbow like mine," I said as I showed him. I stood up and shifted his daughter in my hands I turned to face him and worry was plastered on his face. "Relax, its okay." I said just as I set his daughter in his arms. He was stiff for a moment then relaxed into her a bit more. He looked at me and all of his previously held emotions were gone, his grin was from ear to ear as he looked from her to me and back again.

"Wow," he breathed.

"Wow indeed."

Notes

dawwwww.