Good as Gone.

It was the day of the release. I hated that I had to wait all day to listen to it. So I kept myself busy with organizing a listening party. Adam had suggested it because with all the hype that I built up around it a lot of my friends could not wait to hear it as well. I was currently at a party supply store getting disposable cups and plates and small decorations for the party. I got back in my car and drove to the nearest gas station for beverages. I used my fake ID to get a couple different types of beer for the party and even a couple bottles of liquor. Adam had given me his debit card that was accessible to his parent's money that they let him use. I refused almost immediately but he insisted that I take it on the account that he was busy during the day and couldn't help me set up.

I talked to one of the guys everyday, when I wasn't working that is. I had taken over a lot of things since Courtney dropped off the baby, I was nearly working full time to give Neil a little adjustment period. We kept up with each other and I continuously asked for a sneak peek of the album but usually it was either Zack or Alex and they would not budge. I asked Zack how Alex's secret song was and he totally sketched out, and so I changed the subject to Alex's other song he wrote. It was the one about Hannah. Turns out I was right and Alex said he was hurt, but not torn up about it because he saw it coming. She called him and told him they were over with no explanation, I told him everything and he put the pieces together. He ended the subject saying that they were going to remain friends and that it was a mutual split.

He asked how I was doing with Zack on the grounds of 'he isn't very talkative'. I told him that I thought we were going to be okay, it took some adjusting with not just him being gone but all of them being gone. I told him about my 'dream' of Zack and I in the future, he told me that it was my hopes and desires for just myself and that he could see a possibility of Zack being in that. I guess it was normal when you're in love.

I tried calling them today to talk about the album again but only talked to Alex and he simply said that he was sorry and hoped I liked it. My curiosity was officially peeked and it took everything in me to not go to the store and get the damn CD right then.

Once I got home around three in the afternoon, I hauled everything up to my apartment and began the setup. I had used the morning to clean the apartment and then go shopping. I had dropped by the local record store and already bought the CD, telling them I would pick it up later as safe keeping because everyone would know if I listened to it before hand. I hung the yellow and black streamers on the railing of the stairs and from the catwalk to the opposite wall. I was running around like crazy and had worked up a sweat. I went to the kitchen and checked on the food I had started making this morning. I threw some pork and barbecue sauce in a crock-pot for pulled pork sandwiches, in the fridge I put together a vegetable plate. I emptied out the fridge and started stocking the beer. I pulled two garbage cans out into the living room, labeling one cans only.

I took a step back and looked at my handy work. I decided the decorating was done and checked the food before I went to get ready, it was around five thirty and the party 'started' at six. I showered quickly and pulled my hair into a messy bun. I did a minimal face of makeup and wore some black jeans with the cuffs rolled and my high top white converse. I grabbed a red flowing shirt and a blue bomber jacket with embroidered red flowers.

I grabbed my keys and phone, locked the door behind me and ran down the street to get the CD. I actually did end up running to the record store only because I ran into Zeia, Nick and Amy who were just entering the building. Since I didn't set the alarm I gave Zeia the keys and told them to make themselves at home. I continued my light run towards the store and made it there and back just in time as people started showing up.

Neil had asked me if it was okay if he brought his daughter and I agreed before he got the words out. I hid the CD from my sight and welcomed guests as they entered. I had written the invite to say that food and drinks are first come first serve and the CD premiere started at six forty-five. I thought it was a fair cushion for those who's schedule wasn't as easily manipulated. Adam was among the first to arrive and I asked him to greet the guests when my phone started ringing. I ran upstairs and excitedly jumped on my bed, as I answered Zack's call.

"Happy Release Day!!!!" I yelled into the phone, unable to contain my giggle at the end.

Thank you baby, I love you so much. I'm glad things worked out with this, I know it's new and it is going to be difficult at times. I just ask that there are no hidden feelings, whether they are positive or negative, just one hundred percent truth.

"Yes of course babe, whatever it takes to make this work. I would give anything to listen to this album with you though. I haven't even looked at it yet. I'm afraid I am going to lose it in front of everyone," I laughed, but the silence that fell among the us hinted at a more serious conversation. "Babe is everything okay?"

Yeah hun, I just really hope we make you proud with this. He sighed and my heart felt heavy.

"Babe, you guys started the band in freshman year, and most people had their doubts that it wasn't going to be more than just a hobby. Now look where we are, I have an apartment in New York and you guys are on the freaking West Coast, recording an album." I accentuated the last half of my statement and raised my voice to prove a point.

I know babe, thank you for everything. I love you. Are you alone and can you grab your laptop?

"I love you too Zack, and yeah I am. Why?" I asked, still smiling as I pulled my laptop off of my desk and into my lap.

Well the guys and I have a surprise for you, kind of like a 'thank you' for everything that you have done for us.

"Babe, what have you done?" I deadpanned, oblivious of what they could do.

I am texting you the link to the website right now. And suddenly the line went dead and I was alone. I typed in the link provided on my phone and it was a dark rooftop where the sun had just set. The quality of the stream wasn't the best but I could make out two microphones on stands pulled forwards with stools next to them and a drum set in the background. I gasped, they were performing for me. Tears brimmed my eyes and my heart felt full for the first time since they left. I set watching the empty make shift stage for a minute before Alex and Zack walked out and sat on the stools. Zack held an acoustic guitar in his hands and they both had a huge smile on their face.

They began saying that while this channel was able to let all their fans watch it was meant for 'a special someone that means the world to us individually and even the band as a whole'. I made some sort of squeak that came from excitement as my tears began to flow down my cheeks.

"We are going to start this thing off with a cover of a song that you might know, but the words mean more than I can find the words to say. I love you Devon," Alex said into the microphone and the patchy sound of the stream came through my laptop's speakers. "Try not to cry too much."

A second or two after Zack began strumming and I instantly recognized the song, which only made my tears fall faster.

"Hey there Delilah/ What's it like in New York City?
Im a thousand miles away/ But tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do/ Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true
Hey there Delilah/ Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely/ Give this song another listen
Close your eyes/ Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

I was silent as Zack and Alex harmonized and sang to me from a thousand miles away, tears effortlessly flowing down my cheeks. I knew without a doubt that I had not stopped smiling the entire time. They played the song easily and when they finished up, Jack and Rian joined them in the frame of the camera.

"Well, that was hard for me to not tear up so I know without a doubt that you're probably crying right now." Alex laughed and drank some water. Someone came out and took the stools off of the stage and they all adjusted themselves, getting comfortable. "Well if those few of you that are watching make sure you get a copy of our new album, these songs come from there. Welcome to Put Up or Shut Up, this is the Coffee Shop Soundtrack." His grin was ear to ear and he ended his introduction with a wink.

Soon Jack started in on a great riff beginning the song, Alex's voice soon came over my speakers as well. It was a catchy song to start off with that was for sure to get crowds going. The tears stopped flowing as I found myself smiling and taking in the music. The song soon ended and Alex spoke up again, "While we got to keep this short, we agreed on a specific set list that we could dedicate to you Dev. We unfortunately cannot play through the album for you but here is another of our hand picked favorites." He paused, sipping his water.

"Now we have all been through some relationships that may have come to a shitty or abrupt end, songwriters like myself feed off of moments like this to inspire us, it acts as our profitable revenge." He laughed at himself. "So when I got dumped a short while back I had Devon to help me through it. This song is what came from my band mates locking me in a room alone, the day after I got dumped, with nothing but a notepad, some sheet music, a couple pencils, and my guitar. This song is The Girl's a Straight-Up Hustler." Alex laughed the whole time as if the thing with Hannah didn't hurt him which made me laugh as well.

Lipstick has a way of leaving more than just a mark on my sheets
Coloring my senses cherry red; at least for this week...
Kisses under starry night skies, talked about in song
We play along, so bitter sweet by our design.
I'm sick and tired of writing songs about you
This is it, this is the end.
I will admit it wasn't a sappy break-up song, it was fast paced but had quieter parts which brought attention to the words. I bounced my head to the rhythm and was still smiling. The bridge took me by surprise but it fit in the song really well.

She gets what she wants and she breaks what she gets,
Get out while you can or she'll tear you to pieces,
"Are you having a good time sweetheart?"

The last line was made to sound like it was coming through a phone call, and I laughed because only I knew that Alex called Hannah sweetheart from eaves dropping on them.

"Well we have two more songs from the album for ya sis. No, I did not write you a sappy love song for you and Zack to dance at your wedding to, but its something a little more personal that you might recognize. However, before we drop that bombshell and make you hate us forever, here is The Party Scene."

It was a great song and it made me want to get up and dance, I stayed on my bed however. I was excited and nervous for what they had in store for the last song. The last verse dropped and I found myself singing the lyrics.

I know she hopes I choke on this last drink,
Drop dead before my influence gets to her head/ I'll love you forever, or find something better.
It's all just the same as when we sleep together.
We wake up with headaches, and trouble remembering/ What went wrong
Stay seventeen, the party scene has got the best of me and you,
We've got to let this go

The boys all looked at each other as if they were double checking that they were ready to do this. "Okay well it says in the album, that you have not looked at yet, that I did not write this song alone which is true. The original came from you, I know it is a pretty personal song for the both of us and I put it last on the album for a reason. It serves as a tribute to everything you have done for us, everything you have done for me. Not to mention how far we have come individually and together. I was a dick in high school, not like mean or anything, just snarky and although we fit like two peas in a pod and some might just see us as brother and sister. I understand that I am where I am today, because of you Devon.

"While this song says I'm sorry a lot, I am truly sorry Devon that I let you down in the past. I am sorry that I put you second for a little while. I am sorry that I was too full of myself to see that you were hurting and I couldn't protect you. While I was too arrogant to admit it a year ago, I am not now. You are the only constant that I have always had, especially before I had the band and still now. I just hope you don't turn my room into a walk-in closet after this..."

"No joke girl, you broke up more of our ego fights side stage between us than I can count." Jack laughed into his microphone.

"I think she saved me from being attacked by drunk old ladies a couple times, and don't forget those damn pop quizzes back in I think freshman year!" Rian shouted.

"You saved me Devon. I always looking for something, quite existentially if I do say so myself. I was so caught off guard when I met you, because it was like you found me. It taught me that I didn't need to go looking for my future, all I needed was to wait and things would fall into place. Or maybe they wold come sprinting down a maze and tackle me to the ground." Zack spoke softly. His head hung but I could see his small smirk and a blush across his face. I could feel his sadness from here wishing for nothing more than to be able to run up and hug him.

"Alright alright, no need to get a gushy on us Zack." Alex laughed lightly, knowing how quiet Zack usually was. "Without further ado, here is Lullabies."
A soft guitar sounded and Alex's voice began my lyrics. I gasped, unable to breathe for a moment and the tears that were building up in my eyes let loose. It was my song. The song I had written for Tom. It was being distributed across the US. I was in shock. I watched the boys as they poured their hearts into the song that I wrote. I watched Alex, as it was a rather fast beat song he didn't have his usual stage presence of jumping around, he stood in one place occasionally swaying back and forth with the music. I swear if there were better technology involved that I could see him crying.

Sing me to sleep (You've taken so much with you)
I'll see you in my dreams, (But left the worst with me),
Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

As the last lyrics echoed across the stream and the music dulled, I found myself speechless. I lived and breathed music, and here I was seeing a day that I thought would never come. A song that I wrote had been professionally recorded. I was glad Alex did this for me because he knew I would never be able to have the guts to release something of my own at this point in time. I was even more grateful that it had come from them, in way it meant more because they knew what the song was about.

"Thank you for everything Devon, I hope you have a wonderful night and enjoy the rest of the songs. Thank you to everyone else that's watching and the fans who supported us through it all. Catch us on tour soon! Shout out to Hopeless for helping us set this up, and to all the crew, I hope you will tolerate us for the months to come. Thank you and goodnight!" Alex spoke into the microphone.Soon after the four boys from Baltimore exited the frame and the stream cut off.

I fixed my makeup and made my way downstairs, greeted by Adam who questioned why I had disappeared for so long. I shrugged him off and told him I would explain it later. I made my way around the apartment, grabbing a beer on my way through, greeting guests and thanking them for coming. I welcomed other artists from the shop along with their significant others, some even bringing their kids along. I made my way back to the landing by the door and Adam looked suspicious of something.

"What are you up to Fitz?" I questioned with a grin.

"Well you see, I was supposed to meet my closest siblings for a consult tonight for one of my mother's benefits and when I told them I couldn't come they cancelled the meeting and invited themselves here." His laughed and tried to hide his face, knowing his sisters weren't going to fit in easily here. "I told them to dress casual, like jeans and t-shirt type thing so that might help."

"How many sisters are coming?"

"Jasey, Eleanor, and Ryan." He dead panned.

A wave of relief washed over me, "Thank god. I love Jenna but-"

"She can be a lot to handle. Plus I told them their music genre and showed them a couple things on YouTube, Jasey had always been into the scene and Eleanor listens to basically everything. Ryan, well she was in a band in high school so she understands the bonds it creates. You're lucky Jenna doesn't like their music, is all I am trying to say."
"Wow that's really cool, I'm glad they're coming."

"They might be one their way or close by so I am sure you will hear them when them arrive."
"Sounds good, excuse me." I left Adam to go help Neil bring everything in for Layn. "Hey Neil," I said as I took the carrier out of his hands.

"Hey Dev, good to see you." He said hugging me and kissing my hair. I took the diaper bag off of his shoulder and set it on the bottom of the stair case. "Hey pack-n-play is in the car if we need it."

"Okay sounds good. Now, how is my little girl doing?" I bent down to see Layn wide-eyed and drooling. I unbuckled her and pulled her tiny body out of the carrier. I held her in my arms and started my usual bounce. She was overall a well behaved baby. She didn't cry often and when she did it meant something. I usually ended my days by locking up the shop and dropping by Neil's to see if everything was okay and let him know how the day went. We both had thought a lot about what to name his daughter and we ended up basing it off of what fit her personality. It definitely was a unique name but it seemed to be made for her.

I walked around with Layn asleep on my shoulder and made light conversation with my friends. The turn out was great and I was so happy that a lot of people were interested in the album release. I was proud of my boys and wouldn't wish to have anyone else.

I made my way in the kitchen and fixed myself a plate of food, still holding Layn. I sat down on the couch with my plate on the coffee table and dug in to my food. I was soon joined by Zeia who stole Layn off my shoulder, Adam, his sisters and Neil all joined shortly after that. I finished eating and dug through the box of extras to find the CD.

I stood on the coffee table and clapped my hands to get everyone's attention. "I would like to thank all of you who turned out today. I know some of you have not had the pleasure of meeting the guys, but on their behalf I would like to thank you for your support. I have known them all even before the band started and it means a lot to me that all you are here. The album's name is Put Up or Shut Up, hope you enjoy!"

I let the CD play and sat back down with my friends. There was light conversation which I expected but appreciated that those people talking kept it quiet, after all it was all about the music. I recognized the first track on the album as 'Coffee Shop Soundtrack' and bobbed my head along with it.

"This is amazing! I cannot believe that these guys are practically your family! I am so totally jealous." Jasey seemed every into the music and it made me smile because seeing validation for the band come from someone else meant a lot.

"Well maybe I will invite you over when they get back." I said with a wink and she just about exploded. The next song began and it was one I had not heard before so I was intrigued. It was fast paced and had a good guitar focus with a complimenting back beat. It was a song that talked about living young and make mistakes and made me think about the past year that I shared with the boys. The last lyrics sounded through and really resonated with me.
We've got these big cities dreams...

"Seriously, send the boys my congratulations. This is a great sound." Neil said as he returned with a full plate of food. I laughed and said that I would definitely when I talked to them tomorrow. 'The Girl's a Straight-Up Hustler' began to play through the speakers and I leaned back and tried to make it seem like I hadn't heard it. It made it to the catchy bridge and I couldn't contain myself.

"Sounds like Alex whipped out a song about Hannah," I laughed as I faced Adam.

"Yeah, what she did was brutal. Killer track though."

"Definitely," I laughed. "Alex is a very civil ex to have, so I like to think of this as profitable revenge." I stated with a smirk.

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Adam said.

The next song began and I got caught on it immediately. It started off strong and had some killer riffs. I tapped foot along, taking in the music along with my friends.

"Oh my fucking god." Jasey said as she stood up slowly.

"Jace, watch your mouth." Ryan harped.

"Shut the fuck up. Oh my god. It's my name, in a fucking song!!" She squealed and began jumping up and down, dancing with the music.

"No kidding, I told Alex about meeting your ten sisters and he loved Jasey's name." I whispered to Adam.

"Oh my god, don't tell her that." He laughed as he put a hand over my mouth. I shoved him off and looked at the album case. The song was entitled 'Jasey Rae' and my jaw dropped as I showed Neil.

"Now that is just fucking weird. Twin telepathy maybe?" Neil shrugged.

"I don't know, but its definitely a coincidence."

I hummed along to 'The Party Scene' as it played with everyone continuing the good feedback. I got up to get another drink, picking up some left behind plates and cups on the way. I helped myself to some Jack Daniel's Fire on ice and returned to my friends as we listened to another new song called 'Running From Lions'. It started off like it might be a slow song but broke off and picked up the tempo. The beginning lyrics were paired only with bass and drums which I thought was a nice touch. A small, not very overbearing, artfully timed riff began as the chorus started. I listened to the new song and thought to myself that I might lose it in front of everyone. If 'Lullabies' was on the album it was going to play next.

I excused myself as the track finished off and went to the kitchen for a drink. I began making a simple Jack Daniel's with coke, but just poured myself a straight shot instead. It was hard writing the song. Although it was very relieving to show Alex it was just as equally as hard to open up like that. I downed the first shot then pour another, swallowing that as well. I got another beer and went to return to my friends but only was faced with Adam standing in the archway.

"Devon," he breathed. His face looked down at me and offered a weak smile. He closed the distance between us and hugged he tightly. "You've done a great job raising those boys. Congratulations on your song." We pulled apart and I thanked him for understanding but I didn't know how he knew it was my song.

The album ended and I switched over to the usual mix of Green Day, New Found Glory, Sum 41 and other bands like them. The party carried on for a while after that, with everyone making small talk and just simply relaxing. As I offered to take Layn to bed Neil stood on the coffee table and asked for everyone's attention.

"Can y'all quiet the fuck down for minute? Damn, well as most of you know my life has taken a pretty crazy turn in the past weeks, but I would like to take a moment to thank everyone that has helped me get through this and adjust. With most of my friends and also employees here I would like to give a huge shout out to Devon for stepping up at the shop, and to Nick and Amy for helping me out with the babysitting. While you both have your own lives to worry about it didn't take a second for you to drop everything and help me out, and for that I am eternally grateful. The whole point of this is that, this morning I got the papers back from the hospital and courts. I would like to introduce to all of you, my daughter, Layn Rae Harris."

Everyone clapped and congratulated him for a while after that and I caught myself smiling from ear to ear. Neil came over to me when he was free and hugged me. I looked around at my full apartment and realized that I was not alone. With the boys gone it was like something was ripped out of my chest and I wasn't whole without them. While today was meant to be all about them and the album it meant so much more to me that everyone that I grew to know and love, came out to support me regardless if they liked the music or not. It was around nine when Neil went to my room to put Layn in her pack-n-play for the night.

The party continued with some people saying their goodbyes and making their way out. It was barely eleven and I found myself yawning. I got up, shook off the exhaustion and started cleaning up. I put the left over food in the fridge and picked up the garbage that I could find. The last of my guests included Adam and his sisters, Zeia, and Neil. It was close to midnight when they excused themselves as well. Zeia stayed the night in Alex's bed because I would not like her leave in the state she was in, granted she wasn't trashed but she was quite obviously not sober. I washed the dishes from the night and thanked Neil for helping clean up.

"Hey so I was wondering if I could have this weekend off, I wanted to go home for a long weekend to see my mom and dad before school starts. It is completely fine if not I get it if no one can cover me." I asked cautiously.

"Devon, after everything you have done for me this month, the least I could give you is a weekend off. I will talk to Dave and see what his schedule is, but if not I am sure Nick will be more than willing to help. Even if that means him and Amy are just taking care of Layn while I come back to the shop for a while, I have been dying to ink something it has been so long." When he picked up all of Layn's things he went to go get her but she was sleeping so I insisted she stay here and give him a night off. "I will open the shop tomorrow so don't worry about it since you've got her. Also Devon, if it works out I would love to give you the week off. It has been a couple months since you moved here and the next time you see them won't probably be until Thanksgiving."

"Thank you Neil, it means a lot." I said as I hugged him goodbye.

"You've got no idea how much you mean to me Dev. You're an angel in every way, an inspiration, and a genuinely pure soul, don't ever change little one." He whispered this as we hugged and kissed the top of my head before pulling apart. "Good night Devon," with that he closed the door behind him and I locked it. I shut off the lights and set the alarm before I headed upstairs.

I walked passed the bathroom and check in on Zeia who was dead asleep in Alex's bed. I stopped at the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth before I headed to my room. I peeked at Layn, hoping not to wake her. I stripped off my clothes and found a pair of boy short underwear and a Green Day t-shirt to wear to bed. I collapsed onto my bed with heavy sigh and a slight buzz left from the alcohol. I reached over for my phone in my jeans pocket and sent Zack a text. 'good night i love you. so proud of you guys. xoxo'

I sent something similar to the rest of the guys as well before I fell asleep with a smile on my face and my heart feeling content.

Notes

sort of a fluffy filler hope you enjoy
pls comment and vote ppls