Good as Gone.

I was in bed with Zack when I woke up. Trying not to disturb his sleeping figure I made my way out of bed and dressed in one of his shirts and didnt really bother with pants. I came out of my room to find the rest of the band asleep in the most uncomfortable positions on the floor and up against the wall.
"Lex, wake up." I whispered as I shook his shoulders. Once he realized it was me waking him up he started going on and on about how sorry he was and all that but I really didnt wanna hear it. "Just go start a pot of coffee, I will be down in a second." I said cutting off his rant. After he made his way over his sleeping band mates in the hall I decided to wake Jack first.
"Jacky?" I used a kind tone and chose my words carefully. "Jacky, wake up please. Im so sorry." As he started to stir and realize my presence he immediately tackled me into a hug and tears began falling.
"Oh Devon, I know you didnt mean it. I just got so scared that you hated me for this-"
"Jack, shut the fuck up." I laughed. "I couldnt hate you if I tried darling. Plus there will be lots more tours that I can hitch a ride on," I joked, making us both laugh. "Maybe less bruises on that tour though."
"Im glad that theres still someone who believes we will land another tour, much less a record deal!" Rian joked in a groggy voice from a few feet away.
"Of course," I said with a wink. "Now if you guys want anymore sleep that isnt on the floor, one of you can have Alex's bed-" I barely got the words out before Rian had pushed me on top of Jack and ran into Alex's room, locking the door behind him.
"Fuck," Jack said with a yawn helping me off the ground. "Guess its the couch for me."
Jack and I shuffled downstairs to meet Alex in the living room that was still littered with boxes, "Jack needs a bit more sleep so why dont we go up on the roof," I suggested. I was given nothing but a nod in response, as he climbed onto the fire escape leaving me behind.
Once on the roof, I took in our beautiful view yet again, clutching the dark roast for warmth. I made my way over to where Alex had sat himself on the edge of the building, sitting down next to him, setting my coffee down, I took his arm in mine and rested my head on his shoulder. My heart ached, I was going to miss him so much. Although I acted so confident I was a mess without him and the boys. "I love you," I stated, filling the silence. "This is one tiny thing, we've been through worse Lex."
"I know, I love you too." He sighed, leaning his head onto mine. "You worry me though sis," his voiced dripped with concern. "You havent been alone like this."
"I wont be soon though," I admitted. "School starts in a couple months."
"Oh boy, do I know. You will have everyone drooling at your feet." He joked making us laugh. "Just promise me you will take care of yourself?"
"I promise Lex," I said gently, then paused, bracingmyself for what was to come. "When do you guys get off tour?"
"We have days here and there in between travel where we wont have anything to do, but tour ends December 15th in San Diego I think." My heart dropped, that was the day after our birthday, and we have never spent a birthday apart whether we were fighting or not. "Im trying everything in my power to change that though, I will until the day of."
"Okay Lex, we've been through worse." I breathed, setting my hand on his in reassurance.
Once we returned inside Alex said he was going to go out for a couple groceries for the weekend, so I retired back to bed for a bit longer as it was another day off of work and it wasn't even nine in the morning yet. I crawled back into bed with Zack, his subconscious wrapping his arms back around me as if I never left. I smiled to myself with the content feeling that everything was going to be okay no matter how badly I was crushed.
~*~
When I woke up I found Zack looking at me with the most goofy smile on his face. "Good morning beautiful," he hummed and he kissed me, I kissed back smiling into his lips. He made me so unconditionally happy that part of my could see me spending the rest of my life with this buff and tatted bass player. My heart fluttered as I mumbled a good morning and buried myself back into his chest begging for more sleep, his arms seemed to surround me and make me forget my own heartbreak. "Hey Dev?" he whispered plainly, taking my face in the palm of his free hand.
"Whats up babe?" I questioned, nervous of what was to come next.
"I just want to make sure you know I love you." His voice was weak, he sounded hurt. "I just worry about leaving you here, I dont want that to come between us," I admitted, still holding my face in his hands, looking me directly into eyes making my heart flutter.
"Yes darling, I know this. We will make it through this babe, I promise." I reassured him for minutes after that until we decided to get up and get something to eat. I climbed out of bed, immediately regretting the decision when I pulled the covers off my legs only to be greeted by the cold, giving me goosebumps. I quickly dressed myself in sweatpants and one of Zack's hoodies I stole long ago.
"How do my clothes always end up being your clothes?" he joked after returning from the bathroom. I took in his shirtless figure, at a loss for words looking at his muscular build.
"Because you love me, they are cozy and Im literally always cold." I joked once out of my trance. I kissed his cheek and went downstairs to grab some cereal while he finished getting dressed. I joined Jack's slightly naked sleeping figure on the couch making him wake up, for the second time. "Good morning Jacky," I whispered as I grabbed him a cup of coffee. He mumbled a response, as he slipped his shorts back on over his boxers, remaining half asleep. Zack joined us on the couch after a few minutes, still shirtless, taking me in his lap careful enough to not spill my food.
"Glad to see the latest episode of Family Feud is over," Rian joked as he made his way downstairs as well, shirtless as well, making me roll my eyes. I was used to it though I still found it funny, granted I decided to not wear pants around them just as much as they were shirtless, so the lack of clothing went both ways.
"It might be over but what was said isnt forgotten." I admitted. "We all know I cant stay mad at any of you, but Im still hurt and upset nonetheless. Dont waste your breath with apologies either guys, I just wanna have a good rest of the time that we do have together."
"Deal," they all said in unison, Zack sealing this promise with a kiss to my cheek. Alex soon came out of the bathroom with just a towel around his hips as he came through the living room probably headed for more coffee. He kissed my head as he passed, reassuring me everything was still the same and bringing a smile to my face. Just then my phone went off telling me Zeia was here to pick up something she left here last night. After I hit Jack and Zack pulled me into my room for the night, she came in to tell me she had to get back home and that if I needed anything to let her know. I texted her back just letting her know that the door was unlocked and she could let herself in.
"Hey Rian can you start another pot of coffee?" I yelled into the kitchen.
"Already brewing, I took the last cup and was nervous for my life.' He joked knowing how much I loved my coffee. Just then I heard the apartment door open and close.
"Hey girly, in here." I shouted so she could hear me.
"Does no one own a goddamn shirt? I mean Im not complaining by any means, holy shit boys you really know how to get a girl going." She joked fanning herself cool. "I really need to come around more often damn," Her mouth agape at all the half naked band members lounging around my apartment.
"In my defense Devon steals all my clothes." Zack stated with his hands up in surrender.
"This is true," I admitted making us all laugh. Rian reemerged from the kitchen handing me another full cup of coffee, then making his way to the bathroom he patted Zeia on the head as he passed he in the archway.
"Welcome to the family," he said, as he left her in the archway, her jaw still hitting the floor.
"Your jacket is hanging up on the back of my door." I let her know, reminding her of why she was here in the first place. Once she returned from my room with her jacket on her arm she seemed to have adjusted to the nakedness of it all and hung out until she had to go to work. Alex warned us that Hannah was supposedly coming over today, this statement was enough to get the rest of us to scatter like roaches. I spent the day on the roof playing with my guitar and keyboard, toying with lyrics and chords. Meanwhile Zack, Rian and Jack went out to Times Square and sight see and all that.
I was running through some chord progressions when someone behind me started slow clapping, scaring me. I turned to see who it was and I was faced with my neighbor Adam. "Damn girl. Who knew you were so dangerous; talented in any shape and form, drop dead gorgeous, and a mesmerizing personality." As he listed off each quality on his fingers, laughing as he closed the distance between us, sitting across from me on the patio furniture. "Definitely the better looking twin if I do say so myself," he added with a wink.
"Dont let Alex hear you say that, he wont let you live it down. Like ever." I laughed filling the silence.
"So what are you working on?" He questioned as he looked across my setup, picking up a sheet of lyrics, but before he could read anything I ripped it out of his hands and pulled that and the rest of my words a little bit closer to me, defensive of my emotions that I released in the form of riffs and choruses.
"Nothing of importance, just therapy." I meant for my words to be short and uninviting with the hope of him not feeling welcome.
"Okay then, sorry I interrupted, carry on darling." He said, adding a nod of reassurance to let me know he thought it was good, then he up and left the way he came. I let out the breath that I didn't realize I was holding, turning back to my papers I laid them back out and picked up where I left off, this time I paired my voice with the chords I chose for the song that I held so close to my heart. I ran though almost the entire song before I realized that I was crying, I keep going, my voice belting out the last words I had written.
Sing me to sleep
I'll see you in my dreams
Waiting to say, I miss you
I'm so sorry
"That's for Tom isn't it?" Alex questioned, tears wetting his own cheeks as I looked up to his presence, his voice startling me. I could only bring myself to nod a response, and with that he closed the distance between us and hugged me over my guitar. "Can I see?" he asked, motioning to the sheet music. Just like that I opened up to Alex in a way that I never had before. I never shared my music with anyone and to see him so captivated by music himself and to have him interested in what I worked on, I was amazed and a little taken back.
We went on like this for hours, unaware of time passing in the slightest. We changed lyrics here and there, adjusted chords and the key things were sung in. This being yet another thing I was going to miss when he left, and just then it hit me again that he was going to leave, but instead of moping I turned the frustration into energy towards the music. "Okay, now we really need to bring her on tour," was the statement that brought us back to reality where we faced the rest of the band, Jack was the one who spoke. "Devon why did you not tell us you could sing like that much less play guitar better than me and write songs better than Alex!?" He was shouting at this point as Alex helped me pick up my papers, case my guitar and Zack came over to help me carry my keyboard inside. Tension rose as the silence continued.
"Just leave it alone Jack," Alex hissed, which threw everyone for a loop as the two rarely fought much less argued outside of a joking tone. After that the topic died quite quickly and I left the group to shower and get ready for bed. I relished in the warm running water, my body unwinding from the excitement that came from the music. I left the steamy escape to wash my face and brush my teeth, wrapping a towel around myself I retreated to my room only to find Zack sitting at the foot of my bed.
"Hey babe," was all he said as I bent over to kiss his cheek.
"Hey darling," I hummed into the nape of his neck as I crawled into his lap, his strong arms taking me in as if to protect me from the worries of the day. As I sat in his lap in nothing but a bath towel I fell for him all over again. "I love you," I whispered. His every intention wasnt sex based like my last relationships, yes that aspect was always great to say the least but it was relaxing to sit completely naked in his arms and just breathe, feeling so safe in such a vulnerable state. I got up a few moments later as I felt myself falling asleep.
I dressed myself quickly in yet another of his t-shirts and some underwear, "You've gotta stop stealing my clothes, its no fair that they look better on you." He stuck his lip out as a childish protest.
"Well I need some dinner and I was gonna go make grilled cheese. If you can let me do that I will let you take your shirt back." I teased as I climbed into his lap, straddling him. I knew exactly what I was doing, and by judging from his reaction I was doing it well. I kissed him and felt my heart flutter yet again, "I love you," I blurted almost embarrassingly fast. "Like a lot Zack. Im going to miss you so much." He noticed the change in my tone and took my face in his callused fingers as if he was trying not to break me.
"Sweetie dont be sad, I wont be gone for long before you will start school. Everything will fall into place baby, you will see. The tour will be over even before you realize." His tone reassuring as he took my small frame into his arms as he kissed my temple and rubbed my back as if to warm me from the harsh cold that was my reality. "Now lets go make you some grilled cheese," he said standing me up trying to lighten the mood. As we neared my bedroom door there was faint yelling coming from downstairs making me curious, only to run downstairs to find Alex and Rian playing zombies.
"Come on guys keep it down," I harped, not wanting to have to deal with yet another noise complaint, because of them, while they were gone. I kept walking towards the kitchen alone, Zack mesmerized by the game. But just then Jack shot up from the couch and followed me into the kitchen.
"Hey Dev, Im really sorry about earlier. Alex told me what you guys were working on and I didnt mean to intrude. Regardless, I hope you know that I meant everything that I said." He stuttered over his words with a little bit of a lisp, his nervous tick, this making me laugh which in turn brought his nerves down quickly.
"Its okay Jay really." I reassured him. "Actually I was working on stuff you guys could use if you wanted. I might seem all ballsy and shit around you guys but I could never get up on a stage." I kept talking as I started making food. "After tonight I realized that I should be a little more open with my music at starting with you guys."
"Im really glad to hear that Dev, you have no idea how much that means to me because without you Alex, well I mean he still can sing but, because of you introducing him to music and playing guitar led us to where we are now. Without you we would be nothing, whether you realize that or not." When his rant ended the look in his eyes was one of complete and utter gratitude which made me feel something that I never felt before. That I belonged to someone more than just me, that I meant something to someone more than just 'Alex's sister.' Part of me knew that the boys loved and respected me, but to this degree I wasnt aware of.
I always viewed myself as just a friend hanging out with them acting like just another dude, even after Zack and I started dating. Looking back on it now to put in comparison when they practiced whenever or where ever they could. Or how we all slowly became friends one by one; back to when we were all still strangers or just classmates passing notes. I never had seen myself having an impact but Jack was here standing in my apartment kitchen, thanking me for their fame, for their future and for the band itself. "Thank you Jack, that means more than you will ever know."
"Right back at you sis." He said with a wink, then kissed my head in a protective manner before leaving me alone in the kitchen.

Notes

this is disgustingly short, apologies. but it was fun to write.