TOM POV

After my mother left Alex and I, I felt it was my responsibility to take care of Alex. He is fragile but at the same time tough. You feel as if he could fall apart at any second but could defend himself until his death. I took two years off after high school to travel so to move back had to finish up some classes. I had got in my car that day just wanting to go home and tell Alex my news as soon as I stepped in the door something was wrong. There was a thick fog like feeling in the air and I knew something was not right. I searched the house trying to find him. I left no room left unopened on the first and second floor. As I climbed the stairs to the third floor I heard quite a loud thud in the third floor bathroom and rushed there. Alex was on the floor covered in his own blood. I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed 911 as tears welled up in my eyes. Using my senior year health class education I grabbed three towels and two ace bandages and wrapped the towels around his arms and then kept constant pressure with the bandages. The EMTs ran into the house shouting
"Tom Gaskarth where are you"

"Third floor hall bathroom" I yelled back

They bounded up the stairs with a chair like gurney and bags of supplies. I told them that the blood was slowing down but that he may have hit he's head on the way down. They loaded him in an ambulance and I got in my car and followed the ambulance all the way to the hospital. My vision was a skew with all the tears. I'm not sure how I got there without crashing. They rushed him into a room and started doing whatever as the nurses made me fill out paper work. After that was finished I dragged my body to the chairs and cried. Two hours later my name was called and I finally got to see Alex. His eyes were closed and his arms wrapped up in thick white gauze. The consecutive beeping from the heart monitor eased my mind. He was alive. That's all that mattered to me right now.
"Alex why. Why did you do this." I said sitting in the chair by his bed

"You have so much to live for" my head in my hands

There were three bags of blood hanging above his head. They put stitches in his arms and the doctor told me that his blood pressure was extremely low and that he could have memory issues or paralysis or he could be in a coma. They are not completely sure. Visiting hours soon ended and I had to go back home. I decided that I should search his room and find all the blades, lighters, and whatever else he could use. I found boxes of blades, five lighters, and three pairs of scissors. Throwing them out, I grabbed towels, a mop, bucket, and bleach and peroxide and made my way to the bathroom. The floor still stained with blood, i dawned gloves and a mask and went to work. As my work was almost done I poured bleach and peroxide all over the floor and watched the caked blood that wouldn't come up bubble and made a pale pink film on the floor. My phone rang as I was wiping up the bleach and peroxide.
"Hello" I asked

"Thomas gaskarth" the
voice said

"This is he. Who is this"

"This is the hospital. Alex has woken up and he is asking for you" the voice said

"I'll be there in five minutes"
I rushed and dropped all the cleaning supplies and got in my car

I sped to the hospital and ran through the doors.
"Thomas Gaskarth" I panted

"Room 6b down the hall and to the right" the lady whispered

I didn't even thank her. I ran to the room she directed me to. I yanked the curtains open and ran inside. Alex was sitting with his knees to his chest and his head on his knees.
"Alex" I softly touched his shoulder

"I'm sorry Tom" he cried

"Why didn't you tell me you were suicidal" I cried

"I didn't want you to worry" he lifted his head

"I do. I'm so so sorry that I'm not there all the time" I held his hand

"It's okay. I am used to being alone. Even when mom was here I felt out of place." He straightened his legs

"Why"

"Why what" Alex asked

"Why did you do it" I
responded

"I wanted to be happy for once." He looked at his feet

"I'm sorry. I can't make you happy. Would you want to go on anti depressants." I asked

"I don't know." Alex toyed with the dressing around his hands

"Do you want me to stay here tonight and we could talk"

Alex was very open with me. I eventually fell asleep on the chair next to his bed. When I woke up they were changing the dressings on his arms.
"Can I see them" I asked as the nurse was unwrapping his left arm
"I guess" Alex said
Once all the bloody gauze was peeled away I saw the real extent of his work. They had to stitch them all up. It was sad seeing my little brother like this. I always hated seeing him sad. Even when we were little. We fought like normal siblings but we always got over it and made up. I called the school to tell them that alex wasn't going to be in school for the next few days and I didn't tell them the reason and they didn't give two shits. The hospital staff eventually told me I had to leave because they were transferring him to a room and that I could come get him in a few days. I left the hospital sad. I just want alex to be happy. The drive home was quiet.

Notes

i swear that this is the last time I use a TW. I know its only three chapters in, and im probably a terrible person for all the TW's but when I'm triggered I write triggering things.