Shameless

So, it’s been three weeks since I’ve last spoken to Alex. I haven’t even tried to contact him, since.
I was hoping that he’d have cooled off by now, and would become more open to forgiveness.
Well, there was that, and the fact that I’ve been too scared and dumb to come up with something clever enough to say.
I just know that I told myself I’d never give up on Alex, and this is me making my comeback. I miss him a lot more than I ever thought I would.
So, that’s why I’m driving to the music store with a bouquet of a dozen red roses sitting in the passenger seat.
I knew Alex was close to going on break at this time, and it’s usually not too busy. I was just hoping he’d give me the time of day.

When I finally got there, I took a deep breath to brace myself, before I grabbed the flowers and walked into the store.
I saw Alex at the register giving someone their change back.
And to say the least, he looked, well.. Beautiful.
His blonde waves had gotten a little longer, and he looked adorable in his button-up. I saw him flash the customer a little smile as they walked away. I could only hope that one day I could witness that smile face to face again. It’s funny how I miss him even more when we’re in the same room.
Once the customer left, I took another deep breath and started to walk over. Alex looked up at me as I approached him, and I instantly saw his eyes turn to sad ones, and his happy demeanor changed quickly.
I reached the counter and cleared my throat.
“H-hey, Alex.” I managed to speak, while he scowled at me.
“What are you doing here, Jack?” I knew he wouldn’t be happy to see me.
“I um.. I needed to talk to you.” I answered, timidly, beginning to doubt this was a good idea.
“Talk? About what?”
“Um.. A-about us.” I looked at him, nervously.
“Then there’s nothing to talk about.” He gave me a stern look, not letting his guard down.
I sighed in defeat.
“Alex, please hear me out. I-I know you hate me right now and I’m the dumbest fucker on the planet but just give me one chance to explain myself.. Please.” I bit my lip, nervously waiting for a response.
He paused to debate in his head for a moment, before sighing.
“You’re lucky I’m going on break right now. But you get one chance. Just one.”
“Just one.” I nodded in assurance.
He sighed, and walked from behind the counter.
“Let’s go outside.”

We walked out to a bench down the sidewalk to the right of the music store. He made sure not to sit too close to me.
I cleared my throat and held out the roses to him.
“Um.. Th-these are for you.”
He looked at them and raised his brows a bit, showing off the little glint in his eye he got when he saw something he liked.
He took them and bit his lip, probably trying to stop his cheeks from turning pink.
At least I can still make him blush..
“So um. You do realize it’s gonna take more than flowers, right?” He looked back up at me.
“Yeah, I know.” I sighed, before continuing. “Alex, listen. I-I made a mistake. A big one. And I realize that, I really do. I-I’m not good with apologizing.. Or like, expressing my feelings, but I’m trying to for you. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did when you were upset about me smoking. I shouldn’t have hooked up with that girl.. I-I was fucked up and I know that isn’t an excuse but.. I’m sorry.” I apologized sincerely, knowing once I was done that it still wasn’t enough.
Alex was staring down at the flowers again, but I could tell from the slight shakiness in his voice that there were tears in his eyes.
“I actually felt so fucking bad for screaming at you that day. I called so many times and s-sent you so many apologies and you ignored them all. Now I know why. I’ve never felt so fucking dumb..” He glared down at the roses, sniffling.
“Alex, I.. I wasn’t using good judgment. What happened with that girl was a mistake, okay? I was drunk and I didn’t realize how stupid I was until it was too late. I was a dick and I’m so sorry, please believe me. I never wanted to hurt you..” I practically begged him for forgiveness.
“You know what? I shouldn’t even be upset about it. We were never even together in the first place. It’s not like you cheated on me.. I-I was just foolish to think that maybe I was the only one you had eyes for. I-I’m just so stupid.”
The tears were streaming down his face now, and I couldn’t help but feel like the biggest dickhead on the planet.
“A-Alex, I’m into you. I really really am. And only you. I-I’ve come to realize that now.”
“Oh, now you realize, Jack? After a month? I bet it gave you enough time to fuck whoever you wanted before you came back here, with your dumb apologies and your stupid roses.” He sniffled, with nothing but hurt and bitterness in his tone.
Fuck, what if this doesn’t work?
What if he doesn’t forgive me?
I won’t fucking know what to do.
Time to grow a pair, Jack.
“Alex, I haven’t even looked at anyone in that way since you left. I..I like you, okay? Like.. I really like you. I’ve just- I’ve been afraid okay? There I said it! I’m afraid! I, Jack Barakat, am a dumbass who’s afraid of relationships because of how they could turn out in the end. But I’d much rather risk me getting hurt than to keep hurting you like this..” I gazed into his eyes and took his hand in mine.
He let me.
He tried to blink away tears as he stared at me in shock.
“J-Jack.. W-what are you saying?”
I laced our fingers together and stroked the back of his hand with my thumb.
“I-I’m saying.. I want to try us. I-if that’s okay with you.” I asked him to be the first person I date since her.
He gasped, and blinked a few times in surprise.
“R-really?”
“Yes, really. I planned on never asking anyone that ever again, so I’m gonna feel really terrible if you say no..” I smiled a bit, watching his lips turn into a wide smile.
“O-only if you promise not to be a douche anymore..” He giggled, making me laugh as we scooted closer to each other.
“I promise, baby.” I smiled, stroking his cheek as he set the roses down beside him.
“Then, yes. I wanna try, too.” He smiled at me, and I swear it’s like everything in my life suddenly just became so.. right.
I smiled wide, and pulled him into an amorous kiss. He kissed me back, giving me that feeling I had been missing for a long time.
And he was mine.

This time, I was actually okay with that.

Notes

Heeeeyy sorry for taking forever as always.

I MADE JALEX FOR YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME. PLEASE GIVE ME LOVE.

Thanks! :)

Title cred: I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About- Mayday Parade