Shameless
What Can I Say, I Fucked This Up Again
Jack- I miss you cutie. Plz answer :(
I don’t even know why the fuck I still have his number stored in my phone.
He was a complete ass to me; he very harshly told me that we would never ever be together in my wildest dreams.
He dropped me right after we fucked.
He basically filled my head with lies, and used me for my body.
He was a total dick to me, and now he’s trying to say that he misses me.
He’s been doing this for two weeks now, and the odds are most definitely not in his favor. I’m not (and probably never will be) even close to forgiving him. Honestly, all he’s doing is annoying the fuck out of me.
Though, I will admit that I still miss him from time to time. Especially on days like this. Days when we both have the day off. We would make use of these days by hanging out at our houses, and just passing the time by chatting or making out; really just anything.
I really missed those days, they meant a lot to me. It just hurts that they meant absolutely nothing to him.
I was so tired of sitting here, moping around at home.
Rian told me that I should really get out more and explore a little, claiming that there were “other fish in the sea” and whatnot.
I wasn’t looking for any other “fish” right now, but I did want to leave the house. In fact, I wanted a goddamn coffee.
There was honestly no other coffee place around with better coffee than the café that Jack works at.
I guess I’ll just go there.
I mean, why not? I know Jack doesn’t have work today, and he wouldn’t go if he didn’t have to. It’ll be fine.
So I picked up my keys on the way out, and drove off to the coffee shop.
I parked my car and walked into the café, taking in the sweet, familiar smell of pastries and coffee beans.
It had been a while since I’d last been here, and I really missed it a lot.
I was so lost in thought as I was walking to the line, that I was taken by surprise when I heard the all too familiar voice call my name.
“Alex??”
I looked up and sure enough, it was Jack, standing behind the counter.
“Shit.” I cursed under my breath, and turned around to leave.
“Alex, wait!!” I heard Jack stop me, as he struggled to run around the counter to get to me.
“What do you want, Jack?” I snarled, just wanting to get out of there.
“I..didn’t think you’d come back.” He had a look of guilt plastered on his face, but I wasn’t falling for it.
“Well I didn’t think you’d be working today, so nevermind!” I rolled my eyes and turned back around, when I was stopped my Jack’s hand holding my arm.
“Alex, wait! Don’t go!”
“What the fuck do you want, Jack? Get off of me!” I snapped, snatching my arm away from him.
“Could you just wait over there for a second?? My break starts in a few minutes, and then we can talk, okay?” He asked, desperately.
“Who says I want to talk to you??” I crossed my arms in stubbornness.
“Please, Lex? Just give me a chance to explain myself. Please!” He begged with hopeful eyes.
I just stood and glared at him for a moment, making him look even more desperate.
“Ugh, fine. You better have a really good explanation..” I sighed, giving in.
“Oh my god, thank you! I will! Just wait here, okay? Don’t leave!” He smiled, before running back behind the counter.
I just sighed, and plopped down in a seat at one of the tables.
This could either be a completely pointless conversation for both him and me, or this could actually work out in his favor.
I was seriously doubting the latter option.
After a few more minutes of waiting, sure enough, Jack had rolled up his apron, and was soon quickly walking towards my table.
He sat down in the seat across from mine, and just stared at me nervously, as if he didn’t know where to start. I, quite frankly, was getting impatient.
“Well? Do you actually have something to say, or are you just wasting my time?” I snapped, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Yeah um…I’m- I’m really sorry, Alex.” He responded, averting his eyes shamefully.
“Haven’t heard that one before.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
“Listen, Alex. I truly am sorry. I mean it. I regret kicking you out like that, it..it was completely uncalled for and I totally deserve this from you.”
“Is that all?” I sighed, wanting to leave.
“You know what?” He took a deep breath as if he were bracing himself.
“No, that’s not all. I was a huge ass to you. I shouldn’t have done that to you after everything we’d been through-“
“Then why did you?!?” I interrupted, starting to feel my blood boil.
“I don’t know, okay?! I..I was scared maybe??” He began to get frustrated as well.
“Scared of what?!”
“Scared of catching feelings! I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it, and I was too afraid that I would hurt you..but I guess I kind of did it before I could even give it a chance…”
I paused for a moment, and just stared at him in silence.
I remembered what Rian had told me about considering his possibly dark past with relationships. He had commitment issues, that’s for sure. But, I guess I could see where he was coming from, at least a little.
“You’re so fucking dumb, Jack.” I shook my head and sighed.
“Yeah, I’m a huge dumbass. I’m an idiot for hurting you, and making you cry, and lying about not caring about you, because I do.” He told me sincerely, while looking at me with those big, sad eyes that made my heart flutter.
“Do you really care? Or are you just lying again?” I said in a more hushed tone, averting my eyes to the table, as they began to fill with tears.
Great, I’ve gotten all emotional, and now Jack gets the benefit of seeing me cry because of him once again.
“I’m not lying. I really do care about you, Lex. I mean that.” He assured me.
“You r-really did hurt me, Jack.” I quickly wiped away a stray tear that escaped my eye.
“I feel like absolute shit about it. I’m an asswipe, a dumbass, a jerk, an idiot..I’m all those things. You can call me whatever you want, as long as you agree to give me a second chance.”
I looked back up at those words, to give him a look of shock.
I was a bit overwhelmed by all of this, and we had barely just made up. Having my heart ripped to pieces and then just throwing it back in seemed like a bad idea. Though I did miss him, I would definitely need some time to think.
“Um…I don’t know, Jack. This…this really hurt me, you know? It hurt a lot. And I don’t know if I wanna subject myself to that kind of hurt again. I’m sorry.” My voice faded to a whisper by the end, as I looked away from his eyes full of hurt.
“Oh.” Was all he said, and he looked away as well.
We both just sat there in a quite uncomfortable silence, just feeling sad for ourselves. I was thinking that I should probably go, when Jack spoke up.
“Well…we started out as just friends, right?”
I gave him a look.
“Define friends.”
“Okay, nevermind that, then. But…maybe we can just try being friends?” He shrugged, with a hopeful glint in his eye.
“You…you want to be friends??” I leaned forward in my chair and tried to comprehend it.
“Yeah, friends.” He repeated.
“Just friends??” I raised a brow.
“Just friends. We can just be friends, see where it takes us. It’s a lot better than being completely alone, wishing you would answer my texts.”
I giggled a bit at that, and soon realized that I agreed with that statement, 100%.
I had missed Jack a lot, and I think that if we continued being idiots together without the sex, and all romantic feelings aside, I would actually be okay with that. No one’s heart is at risk this way.
“Okay. That’s sounds like a great idea. I would surprisingly like that a lot.” I grinned a him.
He chuckled at that, revealing his adorable smile that I loved so much.
“Well, I would surprisingly like that a lot, too. And I don’t know if you wanna stick around, but I have a job I need to be getting back to, sooo..” He joked, nodding towards his working station.
“Oh yeah! Actually, you know what? I think I might stay a little longer if you could whip me up a cup of my favorite coffee!” I laughed.
“Fine. A large, on me.” He smirked, standing up from the table to go back over to the counter, leaving me to smile and watch his ass as he walked.
Just friends.
What have I gotten myself into??
I don’t even know why the fuck I still have his number stored in my phone.
He was a complete ass to me; he very harshly told me that we would never ever be together in my wildest dreams.
He dropped me right after we fucked.
He basically filled my head with lies, and used me for my body.
He was a total dick to me, and now he’s trying to say that he misses me.
He’s been doing this for two weeks now, and the odds are most definitely not in his favor. I’m not (and probably never will be) even close to forgiving him. Honestly, all he’s doing is annoying the fuck out of me.
Though, I will admit that I still miss him from time to time. Especially on days like this. Days when we both have the day off. We would make use of these days by hanging out at our houses, and just passing the time by chatting or making out; really just anything.
I really missed those days, they meant a lot to me. It just hurts that they meant absolutely nothing to him.
I was so tired of sitting here, moping around at home.
Rian told me that I should really get out more and explore a little, claiming that there were “other fish in the sea” and whatnot.
I wasn’t looking for any other “fish” right now, but I did want to leave the house. In fact, I wanted a goddamn coffee.
There was honestly no other coffee place around with better coffee than the café that Jack works at.
I guess I’ll just go there.
I mean, why not? I know Jack doesn’t have work today, and he wouldn’t go if he didn’t have to. It’ll be fine.
So I picked up my keys on the way out, and drove off to the coffee shop.
I parked my car and walked into the café, taking in the sweet, familiar smell of pastries and coffee beans.
It had been a while since I’d last been here, and I really missed it a lot.
I was so lost in thought as I was walking to the line, that I was taken by surprise when I heard the all too familiar voice call my name.
“Alex??”
I looked up and sure enough, it was Jack, standing behind the counter.
“Shit.” I cursed under my breath, and turned around to leave.
“Alex, wait!!” I heard Jack stop me, as he struggled to run around the counter to get to me.
“What do you want, Jack?” I snarled, just wanting to get out of there.
“I..didn’t think you’d come back.” He had a look of guilt plastered on his face, but I wasn’t falling for it.
“Well I didn’t think you’d be working today, so nevermind!” I rolled my eyes and turned back around, when I was stopped my Jack’s hand holding my arm.
“Alex, wait! Don’t go!”
“What the fuck do you want, Jack? Get off of me!” I snapped, snatching my arm away from him.
“Could you just wait over there for a second?? My break starts in a few minutes, and then we can talk, okay?” He asked, desperately.
“Who says I want to talk to you??” I crossed my arms in stubbornness.
“Please, Lex? Just give me a chance to explain myself. Please!” He begged with hopeful eyes.
I just stood and glared at him for a moment, making him look even more desperate.
“Ugh, fine. You better have a really good explanation..” I sighed, giving in.
“Oh my god, thank you! I will! Just wait here, okay? Don’t leave!” He smiled, before running back behind the counter.
I just sighed, and plopped down in a seat at one of the tables.
This could either be a completely pointless conversation for both him and me, or this could actually work out in his favor.
I was seriously doubting the latter option.
After a few more minutes of waiting, sure enough, Jack had rolled up his apron, and was soon quickly walking towards my table.
He sat down in the seat across from mine, and just stared at me nervously, as if he didn’t know where to start. I, quite frankly, was getting impatient.
“Well? Do you actually have something to say, or are you just wasting my time?” I snapped, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Yeah um…I’m- I’m really sorry, Alex.” He responded, averting his eyes shamefully.
“Haven’t heard that one before.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
“Listen, Alex. I truly am sorry. I mean it. I regret kicking you out like that, it..it was completely uncalled for and I totally deserve this from you.”
“Is that all?” I sighed, wanting to leave.
“You know what?” He took a deep breath as if he were bracing himself.
“No, that’s not all. I was a huge ass to you. I shouldn’t have done that to you after everything we’d been through-“
“Then why did you?!?” I interrupted, starting to feel my blood boil.
“I don’t know, okay?! I..I was scared maybe??” He began to get frustrated as well.
“Scared of what?!”
“Scared of catching feelings! I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it, and I was too afraid that I would hurt you..but I guess I kind of did it before I could even give it a chance…”
I paused for a moment, and just stared at him in silence.
I remembered what Rian had told me about considering his possibly dark past with relationships. He had commitment issues, that’s for sure. But, I guess I could see where he was coming from, at least a little.
“You’re so fucking dumb, Jack.” I shook my head and sighed.
“Yeah, I’m a huge dumbass. I’m an idiot for hurting you, and making you cry, and lying about not caring about you, because I do.” He told me sincerely, while looking at me with those big, sad eyes that made my heart flutter.
“Do you really care? Or are you just lying again?” I said in a more hushed tone, averting my eyes to the table, as they began to fill with tears.
Great, I’ve gotten all emotional, and now Jack gets the benefit of seeing me cry because of him once again.
“I’m not lying. I really do care about you, Lex. I mean that.” He assured me.
“You r-really did hurt me, Jack.” I quickly wiped away a stray tear that escaped my eye.
“I feel like absolute shit about it. I’m an asswipe, a dumbass, a jerk, an idiot..I’m all those things. You can call me whatever you want, as long as you agree to give me a second chance.”
I looked back up at those words, to give him a look of shock.
I was a bit overwhelmed by all of this, and we had barely just made up. Having my heart ripped to pieces and then just throwing it back in seemed like a bad idea. Though I did miss him, I would definitely need some time to think.
“Um…I don’t know, Jack. This…this really hurt me, you know? It hurt a lot. And I don’t know if I wanna subject myself to that kind of hurt again. I’m sorry.” My voice faded to a whisper by the end, as I looked away from his eyes full of hurt.
“Oh.” Was all he said, and he looked away as well.
We both just sat there in a quite uncomfortable silence, just feeling sad for ourselves. I was thinking that I should probably go, when Jack spoke up.
“Well…we started out as just friends, right?”
I gave him a look.
“Define friends.”
“Okay, nevermind that, then. But…maybe we can just try being friends?” He shrugged, with a hopeful glint in his eye.
“You…you want to be friends??” I leaned forward in my chair and tried to comprehend it.
“Yeah, friends.” He repeated.
“Just friends??” I raised a brow.
“Just friends. We can just be friends, see where it takes us. It’s a lot better than being completely alone, wishing you would answer my texts.”
I giggled a bit at that, and soon realized that I agreed with that statement, 100%.
I had missed Jack a lot, and I think that if we continued being idiots together without the sex, and all romantic feelings aside, I would actually be okay with that. No one’s heart is at risk this way.
“Okay. That’s sounds like a great idea. I would surprisingly like that a lot.” I grinned a him.
He chuckled at that, revealing his adorable smile that I loved so much.
“Well, I would surprisingly like that a lot, too. And I don’t know if you wanna stick around, but I have a job I need to be getting back to, sooo..” He joked, nodding towards his working station.
“Oh yeah! Actually, you know what? I think I might stay a little longer if you could whip me up a cup of my favorite coffee!” I laughed.
“Fine. A large, on me.” He smirked, standing up from the table to go back over to the counter, leaving me to smile and watch his ass as he walked.
Just friends.
What have I gotten myself into??
Notes
Well, at least they don't hate each other.
Some of you didn't listen to Future Hearts till it officially came out, what do ya think?
I LOVE IT SO MUCH I MEMORIZED IT ALL IN THREE DAYS FROM THAT ITUNES FIRST PLAY THINGY. The band has truly outdone themselves.
(And If you bought the CD, how many polaroids did you get? I only got 4 ugh)
I am meeting and seeing ATL next Saturday, and I just...wow.
This is really such a dream come true.
I probably won't be updating this story again before then, so if you wanna see the pics and videos I take, my twitter is @nianbhd.
Until then!! <3
Thanks! :)
Title cred: Bail Me Out- All Time Low ft. Joel Madden
This was great booboo
8/3/16