Shameless

“Mmm..that was great, Jacky.”
The busty blonde lifted herself up off of me, to lay down next to me and curl up into my side.
“Yeah it was…you might have to come back again, sometime.” I smirked flirtatiously at the girl, while lazily wrapping my arm around her waist and panting from our previous activities.
She giggled, kind of obnoxiously, into my chest, and hugged me closer to her.
“Good night, Jacky.” She smiled and her eyes fluttered closed.
“Night.” I responded with a small smile.
But the second her breathing began to slow, my high was over, and I faced the harsh reality once again. That I was completely disgusted with myself.
I had my way of coping with things, and that usually included sex and alcohol.
But no matter how many blondes I slept with, it still isn’t the one blonde that I want. And the booze isn’t helping me forget about him, either.
I missed Alex. I missed him so much, and I felt like a shithole for what I did to him.
Its been around one and a half weeks, and every night I find myself in the same place.
Getting drunk and fucking everyone I meet, so I can get back on track again. I just wanna get Alex out of my head, and the guilt off of my shoulders so that I can go back to being the happy man whore that I used to be.
One that didn’t get attached, and one that didn’t catch feelings for people anymore. One that didn’t feel like a guilty piece of shit over someone who’s heart I broke.
But I did care about Alex, I truly did. And it just kills me inside that he left, thinking that I didn’t. He now has this image of me being nothing but a liar. I just hate the fact that he sees me this way.
It’s not like I wanted to hurt Alex. I did it for his sake! He deserved so much more than a shitty guy like me…but now I just wanted him back more than ever.
And I know how shitty and selfish that sounds, but I truly missed him, and having him leave on such harsh terms (such as kicking him out my fucking house), just didn’t sit well with me.
I wanted to fix this and make it right.
Which is why I’ve been blowing up his phone for the past three days with phone calls and text messages after work, and at 9 a.m, when I know for certain that he’ll be up.
But he never answers any of them. Not even a call back or a one word text response.
I got nothing.
And I guess I deserved that, but he didn’t deserve the way I treated him, that’s for sure. I just couldn’t get that day out of my head.
I’m an ass. I’m a huge ass.
I knew that the sex I just had, plus the alcohol in my system would cause me to pass out soon, so I reached over to my bedside table and picked up my phone.
I clicked on Alex’s messages, and the screen filled up with a bunch of unanswered texts from me.
I sighed, and began typing.

Me- I miss you cutie. Plz answer :(

After ten more minutes of waiting, I figured that he never would.
I sighed and put my phone back where it was, before cuddling back up with my one night stand, and falling asleep.

Notes

Just another filler.

I've been memorizing Future Hearts songs and now I know all of them and I'm so ready for the 18th.

And I'm so excited for Full Frontal like you don't understand.

Thanks! :)

Title cred: Get Down On Your Knees And Tell Me You Love Me- All Time Low