Shameless

I can’t believe this.
I can’t believe that Jack would do this to me.
After what happened yesterday, I quickly drove home and didn’t even make it out of my car before breaking down against my steering wheel.
I was just thinking over how stupid I was.
How stupid can I be to actually think I can just come to a town and catch feelings for the hottest guy I see, and actually expect for him to like me back?
There was definitely nothing special about me, and he made that very clear.
He was so blunt about it and everything!
He just went off on me, telling me that it was dumb of me to think we would ever be anything more than sex partners.
It hurt. It hurt like hell.
Because while he pretended to be interested in me just for the sex, I was actually catching strong feelings for him. I was close on the edge, beginning to fall.
He got into my head, and then into my pants. And then he broke my heart.
Now, I was completely distraught, sitting on my couch watching some talk show with a bathrobe on, and a whole carton of ice cream that was now half full.
I had my laptop sitting next to me because I was waiting for Rian to call me once he got home from work.
I really needed my best bud at a time like this, and it sucked ass that he had to be across the country right now.
I stabbed my spoon into the birthday cake ice cream once again, as the talk show host started giving some lady in the audience some relationship advice.
Everything was reminding me of him, and I quickly turned the TV off before chucking my remote across the room.
Dammit Jack, you asshole. Get out of my fucking head.
I was groaning and tugging on my hair in frustration, until I heard the familiar annoying Skype ringtone.
I quickly answered it, not bothering to try to better my appearance at all, because it was pointless. And from the looks of my face in the small square in the corner, I was right. I look a mess.
Also, Rian’s face said it all.
“Whoa man! You look like shit!”
“Thanks, Ri. I sure do feel like it.”
My wavy blonde hair was mangled and all over the place. I had red puffy eyes from crying earlier, and overall, I just looked sad. And thrown away. Which I was. Just tossed away like garbage.
“Hey hey hey..what happened to you? Didn’t think you missed me that much!” Rian smirked jokingly, making me roll my eyes.
“I don’t miss your jokes, that’s for sure.”
“Ouch. What’s going on, Lex? You seem really upset about something.” He gave me a look of concern, and I looked away.
“It’s Jack..you remember I told you about him before you left?”
“Oh yeah...that guy from the coffee shop! Yeah, I remember you really liked him! What happened? Didn’t work out?”
“Well, at first it did..” I shook my head.
Rian furrowed his eyebrows and nodded understandingly.
“Tell me about it.”
So I did. I told him all about how we would flirt a lot and text, and go on dates after work that apparently weren’t dates at all.
Then, I told him about how we got drunk that night and ended up fucking, but then the next morning everything just went wrong. I was in tears by the end of the story.
“I-I w-was NAKED, Rian!! Just standing there w-while he told me I was an idiot! I feel so fucking embarrassed.” I wiped my face with the back of my hand and sniffled.
Rian just had a really thoughtful look on his face.
“Well…I think it’s weird that he would freak out like that out of nowhere..are you sure you didn’t say anything to him?”
“No? I just woke up and said like hey baby or some shit, and then he just went off!” I felt myself getting more frustrated.
“Hm..commitment issues, maybe? He may just have some bad past with relationships or something.” Rian shrugged, trying to come up with some explanation.
“I don’t know Rian..I guess he does. Unless he just doesn’t want a relationship with me.” I started crying all over again.
“No Alex, there’s nothing wrong with you. He’s a dick for making you feel that way.”
“I’m so stupid, Rian. And the sad thing is..I actually miss the fucking guy!!” I hid my face in my hands and groaned once again.
“You aren’t stupid for liking the guy. He basically led you into believing that you guys were actually something. And from the sounds of it, I think you were.”
“Yeah, if by something you mean fuck buddies.” I rolled my eyes.
“I think maybe he may have liked you too. Maybe he’s just conflicted with himself?” Rian shrugged.
“Stop coming up with excuses for him, Ri. He led me on and now I’m sad.” I moved my ice cream tub aside and hugged my knees to my chest.
“I’m not trying to defend him, I’m just saying…is that ice cream?”
I just nodded in response.
“Birthday cake?” He raised his brow and gave me a knowing look.
“I’m really depressed, okay?!” I yelled, with a hint of a smile on my face.
“Yeah yeah. Just cheer up, man. There are plenty of other dudes in Baltimore who would be willing to buy you ice cream and make you feel like the princess that you are.” Rian grinned.
“Don’t call me princess.”
“Alright well, Cass just pulled up in the driveway and um..”
“Whatever! Just go back to your happy couple life, forget all about me!” I teased.
“Alright, see ya later. Love ya, princess.” Rian chuckled, before ending the call.
I went back to frowning, and put the ice cream back in my lap.
Talking to my best friend and getting it all off my chest made me feel a little better, but I still missed Jack, for whatever reason.
I still just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. He was so sweet at one point, then an asshole the next. It really fucking sucked.
What kills me is that I actually had this strong feeling in my heart that we were meant to be.
That saddest thing is, I still kinda believe it’s true.

Notes

I suck at updating. This filler sucks, too.
Sorry.

I can't stop listening to Tidal Waves.

I'm meeting ATL in less than a month.

I can't properly function.

Thanks! :)

Title cred: No More Room To Breathe- There For Tomorrow