I was sat next to Alex, playing with his hair and watching t.v. Jack had gone to bed after about eight hours of pacing in front of Alex.

Alex stirred beneath my hand and lifted his head.

“Hey honey.” I hummed, helping him sit upright.
“W-where’s Jack?” He asked, looking around.
“Upstairs sleeping. He’s exhausted from worrying.” I giggled slightly. “Do you want me to get him?"
“Well… I mean kind of? I don’t know…” He hesitated.
“Talk to me.” I said.
“It-it’s stupid…” He looked down.
“Look whatever your feeling is valid. Even if it’s stupid, you’re feeling it so it matters.” I reassured, putting my hand on his. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Well… I know this happened ages ago and since then he and I have been completely fine… But he hit me a lot… And raped me three times… I don’t know I just feel so… Used.” He shuddered.
“Alex.” I whispered, wrapping my arm around him, “It’s not stupid. You’re going through everything your powers protected your from all at once. It’s completely understandable.”
“I can’t do this Liza.” He let a sob out curling down into my chest.
“Shh.” I shushed, rubbing his back.
“And it’s so conflicting with Jack because I care about him, but he scares the shit out of me. I can’t trust him now, how can I?”

Something caught my eye up ahead and I looked up to see it was Jack with tears in his eyes.

“Jack cares about you Lex. You have to remember everything he’s been through, so at times he wasn’t himself. It doesn’t justify anything that he’s done to you, but you can know that he wouldn’t do anything like that now.” I spoke, looking directly at Jack.
“I-I know he does and I know he wouldn’t, after all it’s been so long since he did something awful without doing it to keep me safe. But Liza I’m so scared.”

When Alex said that last sentence, Jack bit his lip and looked down. I saw a tear drop fall to the floor.

Never in my life had I seen Jack cry.

---

A constant brick of anxiety always weighed on my chest. This was like the night in California, but worse.

I wasn’t having an external reaction, on the outside I probably seemed like some weirdo who zoned out a lot, but on the inside was a raging war of fears and flashbacks.

“Hey Lex.” Jack said in a soft voice.

The very sound of him made me want to scramble away. Every fiber of my being was screaming ‘danger’ and ‘get away’. I felt myself start to shake as I looked up at him. He looked to be in agony.

“Please Lex, don’t be scared.” He whispered, turning his hands so I could see his palms, showing me he wasn’t holding anything that could harm me. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Jack.” I whimpered. “I— I’m so afraid and I can’t think and it’s like I’ve got this awful voice that’s convinced me that everything will eventually hurt me, even you. And it’s like that night in California but worse and I can’t handle this. I can’t do this.”

By the time I finished speaking, tears were flowing down my cheeks. Jack looked like he wanted to move forward and hug me but he didn’t and I was grateful.

“I will touch you and hug you when you’re ready to let me. For now, we need to figure out why Lucifer wants your grace and how to get it back. And I promise you, Alex. I will stop at nothing to get it back to you. I’ll fix all the pain and fear you are feeling and I’ll make it all okay again.”
“W-we can get it back?”
“We will get it back.”

Notes

Headrest For My Soul - Awolnation

I am so fucking sorry for not updating, I don't even have an excuse I am just a shitty person xD

Rest assured that even though I haven't been posting, I have been writing.

I also promise not to be one of those fanfic writers that loses interest and just stops writing. If I ever do stop writing, I will give you an ending but that's probably not going to happen for a while because I still have ideas for this!