We'll Let The Fires Just Bathe Us

Eli’s question had been eating at me ever since he asked it. Every time I looked at Jack, I wondered what he thought of me and what he felt towards me.

“We’re going to Flyzik’s house tomorrow night.” He said, looking down at his phone.
“Party?” I asked.
“Yup” He replied.
“Why do we go to so many of those?” I asked.
“To keep up public appearance.” He answered.
“I don’t like them.” I mumbled. We’d already been to three this week.
“I know.” He let out a laugh, “That’s why we go to most of them.”

I scoffed and stood up.

“Don’t leave. Sit.” He ordered.

I locked my knees to stop myself from obeying.

“Why?” I retorted. His comment had set me off.

His piercing glare shot at me.

“Because I told you to.” He replied, standing up and towering over me.

I narrowed my eyes but I didn’t abide.

“Why?” I asked, my smartassness showing through.
“I wanted you to.” He replied coldly.
“Why?”
“Ask ‘why’ one more fucking time I swear…” He warned.

I couldn’t help myself.

“Why?”

A terrifying grin spread across his face. His hand moved to my neck, I thought he was going to crash his lips onto mine before he squeezed and lifted me up. He squeezed so hard I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t think. All I could do was imagine him suffocating me…But he wouldn’t do that…Right?

I thought back to the promise he made back in the hotel but who was he to keep a promise? Still, I croaked out,

“P-romised.”

His grip lessened a bit.

“What?”

“Y-you prom-ised.” I rasped.

His grip got tighter for a second before he let go with a sigh. I dropped to the floor and brought my hand up to my throat, the other braced against the floor keeping me up as I coughed.

“I wasn’t going to kill you.” He mumbled.
“Well how was I supposed to know that?” I rasped, “Oh yeah, right I should’ve known,” cough, “You wouldn’t kill your fuck toy.”
“Where the hell did that come from?” He asked, his voice raising.

Apparently I had more pent up frustration than I thought.

“What am I to you?” I nearly screamed, standing up. “Am I just something to put your dick in?”
“You are a slave aren’t you?” He snarled.

That hurt.

“But I shouldn’t be! No one should be! People shouldn’t own people!” I cried, tears threatening to spill.

Even though what I was preaching was the truth, I knew it was futile. Demons were in control and even though equality is right, why the hell would they release their hold over us? Why would they give up that power?

“Get used to it, it’s what you are.” He snapped as he stepped forward.

The thought of being owned was suffocating. It was like his ownership was a collar which he could adjust to either block my airways or let me breath and right now, it was wound tight around my neck.

“No. Not anymore. I won’t let you own me anymore.” I said, holding my head high.

He grabbed my shirt collar and kicked the side of my knee causing me to fall to the floor.

“You don’t have a fucking choice.” He snarled. “You can’t fight me. If I want to fuck you, I’ll fuck you.”
“But what about what I want?” I whimpered hopelessly but I should’ve known his answer.
“I don’t give two shits as to what you want or how you feel. Why won’t you get it through your thick head that you’re here to please me?”

I had to bite back asking him whether he felt anything for me other than lust because I knew I’d just make myself look like an idiot.

It was then in that moment with him gripping my shirt collar and me kneeled on the floor, that I discovered that he was hurting me. And not a physical hurt. It hurt that he thought of me as nothing more than an object; something to hit, something to fuck, something to own.

Then I painfully realized that I cared about him.

I cared.

Shit.

“I know.” I whispered, looking down.
“Good.” He said with a hard voice, letting go.

I hunched over and looked at the floor as I heard him take powerful footsteps away. I now knew why it hurt when he acted like sex with me meant nothing to him, why it cut into my heart when he’d hit me or yell at me. It was because I cared. I swallowed back tears. It felt like someone had punched me in the heart. Jack truly was all I had. Sure, I had Eliza, but if something were to happen to me, would she be able to help? Hell no. She’s only human. Jack is the only one in the world that could save me. But I didn’t want him to be protective because I was his property, instead I wanted him to be protective because he didn’t want any harm to come to me.

Because he cared.

And he just made it very clear that he didn’t.

I let out a bitter laugh. If only my past self could see me now. I’d probably deck myself in the jaw for letting Jack have this power over me. A tear slipped out of my eye and hit the floor and yet again, I had to pick myself up and be strong when I had no strength left.

Notes

Title cred: Thanks To You - All Time Low