The way he looked at me and the way he spoke so highly of me, it almost made me want to be a better person.

Almost.

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. It was five a.m. and I hadn’t slept at all. I could hear Alex’s soft breathing but it just made me think more and when I think the voices get louder. I sighed and gave up trying to sleep, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. I pulled myself onto my feet and trotted downstairs. I heard a servant scuffle into the next room and for the first time, I didn’t go after them. I was shocked for a moment at my own mercy, but it was short lived because almost immediately I had the overwhelming desire to destroy. Suddenly, every nerve told me to go after that servant. I didn’t really want too but it was like I needed to. I remembered the outlet Alex had introduced but I knew I wouldn’t be able to paint anything beautiful… Then Alex’s words rung in my ears,

“The painting doesn’t have to be beautiful, because it’s inspiration rarely is.”

I bolted upstairs and the next thing I remember was Alex with his hand on my arm.

I blinked.

Alex stood there, shirtless with just sweatpants on. He looked like he’d just woke up.

“Wh-What?” I asked, the light coming in from the window telling me that it had to be at least nine.
“You painted.” Alex whispered.

---

I looked around to see the room littered with canvases, whatever wasn’t on the canvases was actually painted on the walls in giant murals. I was surrounded by images from the depths of my mind. Pictures of people trapped in metal coffins being burned, scalding oil being poured over people, people being raped and beaten, people being tortured to the point of insanity, people curled up in corners, holding their head in their hands feeling like they don’t exist. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“I’m proud of you.” I murmured, still looking around.

His head whipped around and glared at me. I could see the resentment in his eyes and I wondered what I did this time.

“Proud? Don’t be proud of me. You see this?” He asked, gesturing to the paintings, “I like how horrible they are, I like hearing the voices, I like knowing that everyone I can hear is in agony. Lex, don’t you understand that every ounce of pain and hurt you, and anyone else feels, makes me smile?”

I took a step back as his words hit me in the gut.

“Your pain and trauma makes me happy. I can’t tell you how glad it makes me to know that you’ve seen true suffering and the only reason I don’t inflict even more on you, is because I won’t have the entertainment of seeing you try to ignore it. You can’t change me, Lex. That’s just who I am.”

Tears pricked my eyes but I didn’t dare let them fall. He was trying to hurt me and to be honest, it was working but I had to be strong because he was spiraling and I had to stop him before he did something stupid.

“Remember the other day when you were telling me about Patrick? That’s who-“
“Shut the fuck up. Patrick made me weak. To be honest, I’m glad he’s gone. I’m stronger without him.” He ranted.
“No, everyone needs someone, Jack. You aren’t an excep-.”
“I DON’T NEED ANYONE, ESPECIALLY NOT YOU!” He bellowed.

I gasped and jumped even farther away. I could feel the anger rolling off of him. I wanted to step forward and hug him again to make him remember who he was but if I did that now, I wouldn’t be surprised if he snapped my neck and even if I knew he wouldn’t, I couldn’t do anything but stare at him because his words drained me. They took all the will out of my bones and all the strength from my body. I wanted to collapse because of the pain in my chest.

“Oh.” I whispered, barely audible.

I turned and walked out, numb to everything except the hurt. I walked out of his house, the cold air bit into my skin but I didn’t care. I released my wings, not giving a damn as to the fact that it was daytime and I didn’t have the darkness of night to hide in. I extended my wings and flew up to the tallest branch of the tallest tree I could find. There, I sat on the limb, pulled my wings around my freezing body, and cried.

Notes

title cred: Wonderless by Peirce The Veil


yeah sad chapter but hapPY NOTE DID YOU GUYS HEAR THAT ALEX AND LISA ARE GETTING MARRIED I AM SO HAPPY FOR THEM BECAUSE SINCE IT COULDN'T BE ME, I'M GLAD IT'S LISA AND THEY'VE BEEN IN LOVE SINCE THEY WERE 16 AND I'M JUST SO HAPPY ASHSHCFOW[PVWQKJW;