Things were going swimmingly as dinner was winding down at the O’Callaghans. Wine and conversation flowed with ease. Dad was talking the adults’ ears off about some political theory while Charlotte entertained us “kids” with a trick she had learned at school that day. We cheered every time the salt shaker disappeared until Aidan grew jealous and had to be taught the “magic” too. Lucy busied herself helping Aidan, leaving John and I without a distraction.

He turned to me, “How have you been?” His genuine eyes pierced into me.

“I’m good,” I smiled, knowing I was horrible at lying to him.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

I nodded eagerly, “Yeah.”

He gestured to follow is lead, discreetly leading me out of the dining room and snagging a handle from the liquor cabinet on our way out of the back door.

We were 26 years old, but he still drove the same car from high school and it still smelled vaguely like booze and cigarettes. I buckled in as we peeled out of the driveway. “Where are we going?”

“I’ll give you one guess.” I smiled, knowing exactly where we were heading as we wound through the backroads of Grayson. His headlights hit the old field, sending a flood of memories rushing back to me of the countless nights spent here as teenagers drinking, talking, and fucking in the back of his car.

I stepped out onto the cushy grassy and then plopped myself down on the hood of the car. “Whoa, careful, she’s getting old,” he joked.

“Yeah, the car’s not the only one,” I playfully nudged him and he slid on next to me.

“We’re the same age you dork,” he cracked the whiskey open and took a gulp. He passed me the bottle.

“Nuh-uh,” I took a sip, “You’re three months other than me, Grandpa.”

“That’s true,” he chuckled.

“Why are you still here anyway? Don’t you have arenas to rock and ladies woo?”

He laughed, “Not as many ladies as you think... and I like to spend time with my mom when I’m not touring.”

“Always such a good boy.”

“Not always,” he snatched the bottle from me. “How’s the whole music biz thing going?”

“I don’t think I’m going back... I hated it before and now it just seems pointless... Those people are douchebags,” I laughed. “Why didn’t you ever call me when you were in LA?”

“I don’t know... It just never seemed right. You had a new life out there.”

There was a long moment of silence before either of us spoke again. “I’m really proud of you, you know... For getting out of here and achieving everything you have.”

“Psh me? Look at you, miss big shot executive.”

“No really, I’m so, so happy for you,” I turned to look at him, my eyes beginning to fill up with tears, “Why don’t you hate me?”

“What? Why would I hate you?”

“I was in the car too. It’s not fair that happened to you and not me and then I just left you here.”

He pulled me in, “Hey, you did what you had to. It was going to take me a long time to recover and you had to go to college. You got into a great school and you were going to make great things happen. I never would have asked you to stay.” He wiped tears from my face. “Everything worked out the way it was meant to be.”

We held eye contact, and then with his hand still on my face, he pulled me in. Our lips met, hot and eager, thick with the taste of booze. I rolled on top of him as he pulled me in closer, grinding my hips against his. His hands ran up and down my back, reaching for my butt. We began to grind against each other in rhythm, his hand reached for my zipper as he slid his fingers in, past my panties, rubbing in all the right spots. I lost it, collapsing onto him, allowing him to flip me over and take control. He ripped his shirt off, followed by mine allowing our sweaty skin to meet. His hands roamed my body as I unbuttoned his jeans, throwing them aside. He followed suit, eagerly pulling mine off. He slid into me, my gasp echoing across the field. His powerful thrusts sent me sliding up and down the dew covered windshield, clawing at his back as he simultaneously played with me. It wasn’t long before we both exploded, making me glad no one was around to hear our loud, breathy moans.

John fell beside me, wrapping me into his chest.

I arrived back home, sprinting up the stairs to the restroom. I threw the toilet seat open, letting everything out I had been holding back on the ride home.

My sister entered, “Where have you been?”

“Talking to John,” I wiped my mouth off.

“Jesus Annabelle, you’re not sixteen anymore.”

“Believe me, I know.” I stood, rinsing my mouth out.

“Why don’t you get in bed. I’ll get you some water,” she took me by the arm, attempting to guide me.

“Let go of me Lucy,” I shook my arm away.

“Let me help you.”

“I don’t need help. Just let me go!” I yanked my arm free, “Let me deal with this the way I want to. You have no idea what I’m going through... Aidan and Charlotte are still here.”

She backed away, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

I made my way back to my bed, collapsed, and drifted away....

Jack and I laid on our bed, Finn draped between us. Jack wrapped his arm around me, pulling me in as much as he could. In that moment I felt complete in a way that I never knew I could. I had everything in the world I could ever need and so much more. Jack smiled at me and kissed me on the forehead. We had created something perfect, we had a family. I was whole.

I shot up in my bed, tears streaming down my face. I looked at my phone for the time, locking it as soon as I was met with Jack’s gleeful gaze. I threw my jeans and shoes on, making my way for the door.

My sister’s car came to a screeching halt in front of the hotel. I sprinted my way up to Jack’s room and knocked on the door - no response, he was still asleep. I slid down the wall next to his door and waited...

An hour or so later, the door creaked open, startling me awake. Jack looked surprised to see me half delirious on his doorstep. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I dreamt about the day he fell asleep between us,” tears slipped from my eyes. He slid down next to me. “We couldn’t move for hours or it would wake him up... We were just all there together... And I didn’t have a hole in me.” I broke down, “I just miss him so much...” I fell on Jack’s chest. He pulled me in tight. “We didn’t even do anything wrong... He just stopped... Being... It’s not fair”

Jack finally spoke, “I miss him every minute of every day... He was perfect. There was no way we could have known... You were the best mother,” Tears glistened down his cheek, “Please Annabelle. Come back home.”

I shook my head, “I can’t. I can’t do it again.” I sat up wiping the tears from my face. “I’m sorry I came here.” I stood and hurried away.

“You can’t just show up here and do this to me, Annie!” I rounded the corner, out of his sight, “Annie!” his plea echoed down the hall.

Back at home I laid perfectly still on the bed staring up at the stars. The door bell rang. I didn’t budge, knowing it was John. Seconds later it rang again, but I remained transfixed.

10 YEARS AGO

John stood on the bed, holding me on his shoulders. I stuck the last of the plastic glow in the dark stars to my ceiling. He carefully let me down, hoping over to the light switch and flipping it off. He plopped down next to me on the bed as the stars illuminated the room. “When it feels like life is too much, or you can’t do something, just look up at them. The universe is so much bigger than you. You can do anything.” He took my hand. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

The next day our car came to a screeching halt as a semi slammed into us and everything changed.

Notes