I woke up the next morning to an empty house - parents at work, kids at school. This was the start to new life, my do-over, and I had no idea what to do with it. I made my way over to my dresser and pulled the first t-shirt out of the drawer. Seeing that it read “All Time Low”, I threw it aside. I dug down in the t-shirt pile hoping to find an oldie but goody, but instead found my hand around a bottle. I pulled out what must have been a 10 year old bottle of whiskey, astounded that my parents had never discovered it.

10 YEARS AGO

I shuffled down the halls of Grayson High School calculating the hours left until I was free when I was yanked by the wrist into an empty class room. John pushed me up against the wall, his mouth eagerly meeting mine. “Let’s get out of here,” his hands pushing my t-shirt up to roam my bare torso.

I smiled, not stopping him, “We have class.”

“Fuck class, let’s go.” His mouth cut off whatever I was about to say. I was never one to cut class before I met John, but this was a year of firsts and I wasn’t about to say no to his roaming fingers.

I nodded yes just as he broached the top of my jeans.

I had only intended on staying a few hours, but one sip of whiskey turned into five which turned into a black out. The sun broke the field’s horizon as I slowly came to consciousness. I brushed the dew from my face and hands, sticky in my thin coat. I threw John’s arm off of me awakening him, “We have to go,” I muttered still half asleep, half drunk.

John’s car came to a screeching halt in front of my house. It was mere seconds before my parents came storming out of the front door. I looked at John, knowing I was about to be grounded for the rest of eternity, “I’ll see you at school,” and surrendered myself to my irate parents.

John snuck in my window that night.

PRESENT DAY

I eyed the bottle of whiskey sitting on my dresser. Knowing it was a horrible idea, I grabbed it anyway and made my way out of my window onto the roof. I situated myself and took a sniff of the bottle before a long swig.

I was a more than a few sips in when I noticed John on his front porch swing. He had his guitar in his lap, writing and not noticing my debauchery. I grabbed a rock from the gutter and tossed it in his direction. It teetered across the pavement, not catching his eye. I grabbed another, throwing it as hard as I could, this time hitting the path leading up to his house. He startled from his trace and glanced up in my direction.

“Annabelle?”

I meagerly waved.

“What are you doing up there?”

I lifted my bottle.

“Can I come up?”

I nodded.

Moments later he shimmed out onto the roof next to me, “I didn’t think you were one for day drinking.”

“You don’t know me anymore,” I lifted the bottle to my lips, taking a long swig. There was a long silence between us as he studied me. “What was I like when you met me?” I asked.

He took the bottle and took a long drink. He thought before answering, “ Smart... Ambitious... Way too polite...” He smiled, “Far too good for me...”

I took the bottle back, “I’m being serious.”

He turned to look at me, “So am I.”

Something buzzed between us. My phone lit up with Jack’s name. I locked it and turned my gaze back to the horizon.

“Why don’t you answer it?”

I took another drink, “He doesn’t deserve me to.”

I woke up the next day not remembering how our night had ended or how I had even ended up in my bed. I grunted and rubbed my face, hoping I hadn’t said anything too stupid to John. I glanced at my clock - too early. I needed to sleep off my hangover and face my family at some point. The door bell rang followed by some commotion downstairs. I shut my eyes tighter, willing myself to fall back asleep until I eventually did.

Hours later there was a knock at my door, Lucy hesitantly poked her head in. “I haven’t offed myself yet,” I mumbled from beneath my covers.

“Don’t say that.”

I rolled over orienting myself. “Come on,” I threw my covers off of one side inviting her in.

She cozied in, hugging me tightly across the chest, “We’ve missed you around here... I’m so sorry for what happened to you. We all...”

“Don’t”

She nodded, “Okay... I’m just happy you’re here... We all are...” She took a second, finding the right words to say, “Get dressed before you come downstairs.” I watched her, curiously, as she made her exit.

I threw on a pair of jeans and old high school sweatshirt before making my way down the stairs. I reached the bottom and saw the last thing I would ever want to lay eyes upon - Jack sleeping on my couch. I turned and began to run up the stairs. He sprang to action, chasing up after me, catching me by my wrist.

“Let me go!!”

“Pleas just listen to me Annie!” I wrestled myself free of his grasp and sprinted the rest of the way up the stairs. He wasn’t far behind, pounding on my door as I locked it behind myself. “Annie!!... Annie!!” My family peered up the stairwell. “Annie please!” He knew I wasn’t giving in as he slid down the door, taking a seat on the floor. “I didn’t know what to do... “I didn’t know what to do... I was so sad... And you were so sad... There was nothing we could do for each other... I know what I did was wrong... But you mean too much to me for me to walk away... Please Annie... Please let me make this right... “

I sat on my bed knees curled to my chest, hearing the words I had waited for weeks to hear. It didn’t change the fact that he had left when I needed him most. When I was at my absolute lowest, he partied with his friends as I fell apart.

Notes