Your Mess Is Mine

Music and party goers spilled onto the lawn of a modestly sized house. John grabbed my hand and led me through the crowds as familiar faces of his bandmates and old acquaintances passed. It suddenly no long felt like we were 20-somethings but right back in high school, sneaking out when our parents had fallen asleep.

John dropped my hand to greet a guy already drunk off of his ass. He introduced me but I was far to distracted to keep up with their conversation and wandered my way into the crowded kitchen. I poured the contents of various bottles into a solo cup knowing I was going to need alcohol to manage this long trip down memory lane. Avaguely familiar face approached, “Annabelle?”

“Hi... How are you?”

Clearly struggling to place a name to her face, she offered,“Amanda, we went to high school together.”

“Of course! You know me, such a space cadet.” We both laughed as I took a long drink and wondered if coming here had been a gigantic mistake.

“I didn’t know you were back in Grayson.”

“It’s just temporary... Visiting family.”

“Oh, that’s great,” she politely smiled, “I see you’re back with John. You two were quite the item back in the day.”

I chuckled and looked around for John, “Oh you know... Ancient history.” My nervous eyes unable to find him, I excused myself.

I shoved my way through the hazy crowd in search of John. Unable to find him in any of the main rooms, or even outside, I hesitantly made my way down the dimly lit hallway and peered through a cracked bedroom door. To my relief, John sat in a circle of his friends and bandmates. I skeptically entered, unsure of what I was interrupting.

“There you are, Annie,” John shifted over, making room next to him on the bed, “James was just divvying up the goods. You in?”

I glanced down at the small zip lock full of tiny square papers and felt myself answering before I could second guess, “Yeah, for sure.”

A scraggly looking character placed two papers into John’s palm. John delicately placed one on his tongue and then one onto my own. We plopped back onto the bed, waiting for the chemicals to take effect. He brushed my hair back and studied my face, “Annabelle Montgomery, you are the most fascinating person I have ever met.”

I glared at John, taken back by the comment, “Thanks... I guess.”

“It’s a good thing,” he placed a kiss on my cheek.

We curled together as he held me for several long minutes. Just when my vision began to distort, I looked up at John to find he had fallen asleep. I sat up and looked around the room, lines and waves appeared in the thing space. I shook John, slightly afraid of what I would experience on my first acid trip, but he was unfazed. I shook him harder as the hallucinations became more vivid. I began to panic, losing grip of my reality, but he was gone for the night. Not wanting to be alone, I bound off, out of the house and to my car across the street in search of anyone to ground me.

My car teetered into the motel parking lot, thankfully, without any incident along the way. I stormed up to Jack’s room in a hurricane of mixed emotion as I pounded on his door until he swung it open, alarmed and sleepy eyed. “Annabelle? What’s the matter?”

Sufficiently drunk and the drugs beginning to hit me hard, I was completely incoherent, “He left me... He fell asleep...”

“John?”

I nodded vaguely, “I tried to wake him up... But I couldn’t... He’s gone.”

Realizing I was highly intoxicated, Jack wrapped his arm around me and led me into his room, “It’s okay Annie, he’ll be awake in the morning. Just... Sleep it off.”

He tried to set me down on the bed, “No, he wont,” I threw his arm off of me, “You were there, you know. He’s not coming back!” I began to cry.

Jack shushed me and wrapped his blanket around me, “He’ll be fine. Just try to relax.”

“You’re not hearing me, Jack! Why aren’t you paying attention?!” I sprung up, unsteadily.

“Annabelle... I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he grasped my shoulders. “Just... Sit back down. I’m listening.”

“I want to go home.” I stood and reached for my purse, but Jack was quick to snatch it up first.

“You’re not driving anywhere.”

“What the fuck do you care Jack? Give it back.”

“I’ll take you home.”

“You didn’t give a fuck when he died, so why would you care if I did?”

It dawned on Jack that I hadn’t been talking about John. He composed himself, removed my keys from the purse, and solemnly swung the door open, “I’ll take you home.”

I bitterly followed him out to the car, staying quiet for the short ride back to my house.

We pulled up to a completely darkened house, “Are your parents not home?” Jack asked as I laid my head against the window half awake. Realizing he wasn’t getting an answer, he rounded the car to my door and threw it open. I leaned back against the head rest as he shoved his arms under my legs and scooped me off of the seat.

Jack flipped on the living room lights with his elbow. Seeing that no one was home, he carried me up to my room and laid me down on my bed as he pulled out his cell. “I can’t believe you drove like this,” he mumbled more to himself than me. “Lucy,” he deliberately whispered into the phone, “Annabelle is in bad shape...” And then I gave into my fluttering eyelids, my world going completely dark.

What I can only assume was hours later, I woke up far more fucked up than before. Despite my desperate efforts to bring myself to consciousness, all I could think about was Finn and his bright, innocent eyes. Tears streamed down my face almost involuntarily. I looked down at Jack up who had fallen asleep next to me, and felt my soul wrench, remembering how alike they were. Though I was certain my violent shaking would wake him up, he didn’t stir. I hoisted myself off of the bed and I crossed the hall to the bathroom.

I dunked my foot into the ice cold bath water. Everything seemed so unstable, causing me to stumble and trip into the full tub with a splash. I let the water drift over me, imagining what it would be like to remerge to a life with Jack and Finn- everything else having been a bad dream.Knowing this would never be anything more than a dream, I stayed under... And then stayed under longer... And then when I thought I would come up, I didn’t.

Minutes later, Lucy bolted up the stairs, awakening Jack. “Where is she? What happened?”

Jack sprung out of the bed, shoving past Lucy and throwing the bathroom door open. My pale body remained motionless beneath the water. He fanatically Splashed into the tub and pulled me out. Lucy closely followed, screaming in horror as he dragged me onto the floor. “Call an ambulance,” he wailed as he pumped at my chest.

Several minutes passed and I still hadn’t come to consciousness. Tears began to form in Lucy’s eyes as my skin turned to a slight blue. “Fix her Jack!”

“I’m trying,” he choked out.

“Do something Jack!”

He pounded on my chest harder and harder, feeling completely helpless, “Come on Annabelle, it doesn’t end like this...”

Just as the paramedics burst through the door, I coughed out a stream of water. Jack collapsed against the wall, shaking, and in a daze as they tended to me.

That was the second time Jack had saved my life.

Notes