Your Mess Is Mine

Waking up in the hospital was an all too familiar feeling- only this time it was my own selfish act that had put me there. Not the actions of a drunk, careless driver. I rubbed my face with frustration. One step forward and twelve steps back. Every time my life was beginning to make sense, I muddled it up again.

My parents rushed to my bedside as an intense wave of guilt washed over me. This was the last thing they needed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

My mom shushed me. “Don’t apologize kiddo,” my dad took my hand.

“You were right. I need help. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to do this to you again,” I rubbed my face, “I just.... I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

“Shh,” my mom brushed my hair out of my face, “It’s okay honey. Just rest.”

Jack slowly rounded the corner, and then rushed in seeing I was conscious. “Oh my god, Annabelle, you’re awake.”

I smiled meekly and nodded.

He wrapped himself around me, “I thought you were gone.”

My parents excused themselves, as a tear slipped down my face. I began to shake, “I’m sorry Jack. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore.”

He stroked my face, “I’m here. We can do this together.”

“It just feels like I’m trying to piece back together a life that doesn’t exist anymore.”

“So we’ll make a new one. We’ll sell the house. Get rid of everything. Fuck it, we’ll move to New York. Move to Austin. Whatever you want. We can get through this.”

I nodded wordlessly.

Just as Jack pulled up a chair along my bedside, John turned the corner.

Jack shot out of his chair, “Don’t you fucking dare come in here.”

“Jack, stop,” I choked out.

“Whoa dude, I have a right to be here too.”

“A right? Are you fucking kidding me? You left her alone and look what happened. You knew what kind of state she was in.”

“Jack, it’s not his fault.”

“I left her alone? Are you sure you want to go there buddy?” Jack and John were face to face.

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand.”

“I think I understand what it means to leave my girlfriend after our son...” Jack threw the first punch before John could get another the word out.

“Stop it!” I started yanking my monitors off but they were already on the ground. “Stop!”

The nurses heard the yelling before I could untangle myself. They were closely followed by a security guard who pulled them off of each other, “Both of you, out of here.” They tried to wiggle out of his grasp as they were escorted out, but it was to no avail.

My parents rushed in, followed by Mrs. O’Callaghan. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s happening.”

Seeing my overwhelmed face, Mrs. O’Callaghan took my hand. I looked up at her as she looked down with a knowing look - I needed to make a choice.

After a few days of being closely monitored, I was released from the hospital and allowed to return home with my parents. I scuffed into my room and plopped back onto my bed. It seemed to be where I was spending most of my time over the last couple of months. I laid back and stared at the plastic stars still hanging onto my ceiling. John was right, it was beginning to feel like too much, but it was up to me to sort out my mess. Copping out wasn’t an option.

There was a tap at my door just as Lucy cracked it open, “you up?”

“Yeah, come in.” She plopped down on the bed next to me, leaning back, head to head.

“How are you feeling?” She knew better than to look at me- both of us staring up at the stars.

“I’m alright... I’m sorry about putting you through that Lu.”

“Stop apologizing to everyone. Not everything is your fault.”

“Yeah but this is...”

Momentary silence fell between us before Lucy spoke, “It’s not your fault... But you need help, Annie.”

“I know...” Lucy took my hand.

Later that day, just as the sun was going down, I slid out on the bit of roof outside of my window. I stared out onto the neighborhood where I had gown up, sitting where I had sat every night for countless years, when anything and everything had seemed possible. My life was now more complicated and convoluted than I ever could have imagined. Did I go back to LA with Jack? Did I stay here in Texas with John? Or did I abandon them both and start a new life in a new city where no one knew me? Mrs. O’Callaghan was right... I needed to make up my mind.

I leaned back and began to drift off. Going back inside the house felt too tense, but I feared venturing out... What if my feet led me to someone I didn’t have answers for.

As if on cue, I was startled from my daze by a trickle of pebbles hitting the roof next to me. I sat up to see Jack grinning from ear to ear, “Hey, I’m surprised you’re awake.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” I smirked, I hadn’t seen that childish grin in a while. “I’ll come down.”

Moments later, I joined Jack on the front porch steps. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay... How about you?” I chuckled gesturing to the nasty shiner John had given him that morning.

He shrugged, laughing, “I let him get that one in.”

“Sure you did,” I smiled.

A moment of silence fell between us, “Hey, um... I’m really sorry you had to do that again.”

“Don’t apologize. I’d do anything for you, Annabelle.”
“I know... That’s why I’m sorry.”

“Come back with me to LA... We’ll both get help. We can start over.”

“I don’t know, Jack...”

“Why not? You can’t stay in Grayson forever.”

“I know, I know... I just need some time.

“I’ve given you time, Annabelle. I think if this weekend has shown us anything, it’s that you need to be FAR away from here. This town isn’t good for you.”

“You think I don’t feel guilty about keeping you waiting?! Of course I do! It’s overwhelming. But I’m not really in a place to be making any big decisions right now.”

“I’m sorry... I don’t mean to put any more pressure on you, but....”

“But you feel like you need to,” I looked away.

“Yeah... Sometimes... I know it’s selfish but, I just want you to come home. I miss our life... I want it back.”

Notes