Welcome To My Life

I figured the best way of finding out what happened between Jack and Jenna would be through Alex, as he seemed to be the only one willing to talk about it. Jenna and I didn’t talk much during first period, probably because she didn’t want me to ask about Jack. I wondered why it was such a touchy subject. Even though Jack said he wasn’t exactly in love with Jenna, I didn’t believe him. There was this tension between them that told me otherwise.

I had my second period with Alex. Time to question him. When I entered the classroom, Alex was already sitting near the window. I walked up to him.
“Is this seat taken?” I asked him, pointing at the seat next to him.
“No, sit down” he said, smiling friendly.

I did as I was told, and got straight to the point. “Can you tell me more about Jack and Jenna? Neither of them want to talk about it” I asked.
“Uhm well I guess I could… But why do you care so much?” Alex asked.
“I guess I just feel like kind of an outsider, not knowing. Jenna is kind of my friend, Jack’s my cousin and you and I don’t get along too bad either, so I want to understand why Jack and Jenna, mostly Jack, are so mean to each other if they once liked each other… If that makes sense…” I replied.

Alex sighed. “Well, I guess I could tell you a few things. Jack used to go to another high school, with our friends Zack and Rian. I knew them from primary school and we had always kept in touch. One day, spring last year, we went to the pool, which is where Jack met Jenna. I knew her as she went to school with me. When I ran into her at the pool we talked for a bit when Jack butted in on our conversation, so I introduced them and they just… clicked. They hang out for the rest of the day, exchanged numbers and got to know each other better. They hang out more and more and it didn’t take long until they got together. They were one of those couples. The inseparable, gross ones that are just so in love it makes you want to throw up just looking at them.” Alex started his story.

“I really would not have expected that from Jack” I admitted.

“He was different back then. At least, around us he was. Less of a jerk. When the school year started, Jack transferred to Dulaney. Not because of Jenna, but it was a nice bonus she was there. That was when Jack was becoming popular. He had never been popular at his previous school, so it was all very new and exciting. Girls were actually lining up for him, but he didn’t necessarily care. He had Jenna and he was in love with her, no matter what he says now. Until that one night. He went to this party, without Jenna. I think it was his first time drinking and well, let’s just say he’d had way too much. So much he couldn’t remember anything the next morning. The same could not be said for some of Jenna’s friends though. They perfectly remembered Jack sticking his tongue down some random girls throat, before taking her upstairs to the bedrooms. Of course they told Jenna. It was heartbreaking really. Jack and I were sitting in the cafeteria the Monday after, when Jenna came up to us, or so I thought. Instead, she walked straight past us, so Jack figured she knew what had happened. He went after her, trying to explain himself, but she didn’t want to hear it. She started crying and slapped him in the face. I guess I can’t blame her. Being drunk is no excuse for cheating after all. She refused to talk to him for weeks and Jack got kind of… bitter. He had all of this anger inside of him and he started taking it out on random people, making him the bully he is today. One day, someone got in his way, and he shoved them against a locker, only to realize it was Jenna. He hadn’t meant to push her, but she didn’t know that. She stood up for herself and shoved him back. Ever since then it has kind of been like this between the two of them. Honestly, I think they still just miss each other, but neither of them would ever admit it…” Alex finished his story.

“Well, that was a long story” I smirked.
“You asked for it” he replied, winking.
“We should probably be paying attention though” I muttered.
“I’d rather talk to you” Alex shrugged, causing me to blush lightly.

Why was I blushing? I did not like Alex. I didn’t blush when guys said things like that. I didn’t care when guys said things like that. It would usually take a lot more from a guy to cause me to blush. I definitely was not about to let myself have feelings for Alex. I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve to be happy.

“I’d rather pay attention in class and get a good grade” I told Alex, probably more harshly than I should have.
“Oh… Okay” Alex said, taken aback by my tone.

I was about to apologize, but I didn’t. I wouldn’t want Alex to think I had feelings for him, now would I? That I cared? I didn’t. I didn’t know him and I didn’t care about him. He was just someone from a school I only went to temporarily, no one special. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. I focused on the teacher, while I noticed Alex still looking at me from the corner of my eye. Eventually he sighed and started taking notes as well.

Well done Liz, well done, I thought to myself. You already managed to push someone away who just wanted to be friends with you. Good going. This is why you don’t have friends. This is why no one cares about you. Because you’re a shitty person who pushes everyone who tries to come close to you away. You don’t deserve to have friends. You don’t deserve people who care about you. You deserve to be lonely.

Notes