Saviour

Alex couldn't help it. He was so fucked up in the head right now that he didn't, couldn't even think straight. He tossed and turned in Jacks bed, careful not to disturb the sleeping boy beside him. His body was covered in sweat and his wrists and thighs were stinging. He had to do it.

He HAD to.

Carefully, he removed Jacks arm from around his waist. Getting off the bed and stumbling his way through Jacks semi messy room and into the bathroom. He pulled out his razors that he had skillfully hidden beside Jacks bathroom medicine cabinet, opening the little baggy he had put them in and taking one out. He rolled up his sleeve and pressed the cold metal to the red and scarred skin, watching intently as blood welled up from the wound and made a single scarlet line down his arm. He looked up, catching his reflection in the mirror and winced, the blade pressing deeper into his skin. He had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and the bruises that littered his skin were now an ugly yellow and black color making him looking like a giant rotting banana. He grimaced, turning his attention back to his bleeding wrist, where three new cuts were, each deeper than the last. He watched as the blood seeped it's way from each of the wounds, dripping into the sink beneath him and making it look like something out of a horror movie. He felt disgusted with himself. He was so pathetic and fucking worthless it was a wonder that Jack liked him. LOVED him even. Then again, who would like a worthless piece of shit like himself anyways?

~~~

"Tell me, Lex. What the FUCK are these?!" Jacks voice rose to a yell as he entered his bedroom, seeing Alex on his bed and tossed the little baggy beside him where he sat cross-legged.

Alex looked at the baggy beside, picking it up tentatively and examining the contents.

Oh shit. His razors.

"Jack..." He began, but words failed him, he felt tears stinging in his eyes and he fought them back.

"No. Don't 'Jack' me Alex. How could you? How fucking could you?"

"I-I don't know."

"Oh you don't, do ya? Well maybe you outta start by telling me why in the fuck I found that baggy, that baggy full of razors, Alex, by my medicine cabinet."

"I put them there." Alex bowed his head, turning away from Jack and staring at the floor, hands picking nervously at the fresh bandages around his wrists.

"No shit. But why?"

"B-Because I need them."

"Alex. Look at me."

Alex raised his eyes to Jack, only to see that the younger had moved across the room and now kneeled in front of him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jacks voice was barely a whisper as his hand cupped Alex's cheek, running his thumb across Alex's bottom lip. Alex couldn't help but wonder how his friend (boyfriend?) could go from yelling at him to being one of the sweetest guys in the world.

"I didn't know how to tell you."

"When I saw the cuts Alex, I knew what they were. You didn't even tell me but I knew. I could tell by the way you freaked out when they opened that they were something much more than just animal scratches. Hell I've been to your house, seen Bas and know that he couldn't have done that. Not to both arms." Jack leaned forward then, pressing their foreheads together and pecking Alex's lips quickly. "Baby, what is going on?"

Alex bit his lip, nerves taking control. "Jay, if I tell you, promise me something?"

"Baby, I'd promise you the world if it meant keeping you safe."

Alex couldn't fight the smile that tinted his lips. Taking a deep breath, he told Jack everything. From the self harm and starving himself to his parents constant abuse, calling him names, practically kicking him out of the house, to Ronnie even though he already knew about that. Everything.

He hadn't realized he'd been crying until he finished, Jack wiping away his tears and pressing soft kisses all over his face and head, mumbling softly, "I love you." over and over.

"Promise me you won't leave me? I... I don't know what I'd do without you, Jay. I can't do this by myself, I need you."

"I promise you. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." They kissed again, soft pushes of their lips against one anothers, Jacks fingers cupped Alex's jaw while the elders traced smooth patterns across the back of the boys neck.

"Lex, do me a favor now. Please." Jack said, breaking away.

"What?"

"Show me."

"W-What?" Alex repeated, making sure he heard Jack correctly.

"Show me. I want to see them. All of them. Your cuts."

"Why?"

"I need to see them. Please." Jack looked at him with a look of pure love and adoration that he couldn't help but nod yes and, pushing Jack away gently, stood up.

"There's a lot." Alex said, gnawing his bottom lip, removing his jacket, letting it crumple in a pile on the floor.

"I don't care. I want to see them." Alex nodded again and, removed his shirt, his back to Jack as he carefully removed the bandages on each wrists. His hands went to the buckle on his jeans, unclasping it and moving the denim gently down his thighs, over the abused skin there and off his body, kicking them into the same pile of his shirt and jacket. He turned to face Jack then, who was still on his knees at the edge of the bed, not missing the way his breathing hitched and his eyes swam over Alex's body, taking in all the cuts, the scars, the words carved angrily into Alex's milky skin.

"Is that... Is that all of them?" Jack asked, nervously awaiting Alex's answer.

Alex bit his lip. "No." He mumbled.

"Show me." Alex closed his eyes, reaching down and hooking his fingers into the hem of his black boxers, dropping them to the floor and kicking them to his ever-growing pile of clothes on the floor.

"Holy shit, Lex." Jack breathed, eyes moving over Alex's now naked body, not missing the scars and cuts that outlined his hips, his (very small) stomach, his thighs and worse.... The skin that was right beside his shaft. Jack couldn't take anymore and reached over, grabbing Alex's hand and pulling him into the younger boys lap. His fingers brushing over every inch of skin he could find.

"I wanna... Wanna do something, is that okay?" Alex nodded and Jack kissed his lips once before scooting his way down Alex's body, lips ghosting over Alex's skin causing goose bumps to prickle under his touch. He became eye level with Alex's stomach and his heart lurched, nearly shattering as he looked at how... Disfigured his loves skin really was. He brushed his mouth across the jagged scarred skin, kissing each cut, each wound, silently murmuring not sure if Alex could hear him as he whispered. He moved his mouth further south, down to Alex's thighs, repeating the process on both before raising his eyes to Alex's, who looked at him with eyes of curiosity and... Want. His mouth moved up, brushing across Alex's tip and making the elder gasped and clutch at Jacks fingers.

"Sorry." He mumbled, even though he really wasn't and his lips kissed the skin beside Alex's member, kissing every single cut. Finally he raised his head, pulling Alex up into a sitting position before bringing the boys wrists closer and kissing the scars and cuts that littered the skin there...

"I love you so much Alex." Jack said, finally done.

"I love you too."

"You don't need to do this to yourself."

"Yes I do." Alex turned his head away, ashamed.

"No. You don't. Why would you say something like that?"

"Because... It's all I deserve."

Notes

Yooooo!!! Sorry for the long fucking wait guys buuut yeah... I like this chapter?!?!? Like... A lot... Chapter title credit to: Bring Me The Horizon- Don't go
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