He’s golden.
But my silver heart is frozen.
Frozen in time from the day
That you whispered to me sweet nothings
And told me I would be okay.
And it soon started to warm
Each time that we would hug
I felt it beat once again
When you said you were in love.
But in love with whom?
Of course not I, but she
And now my frozen heart is broken
And you only let it be.

I noticed a teardrop fall onto the paper I was writing on.
I soon realized that it was my own, and quickly wiped my cheeks.
I was at lunch; Jack had to go finish a test in his class for the first few minutes, so I decided to sit outside under a tree.
It wasn’t so cold out today. Just a little windy, but I could take it.
I was writing poetry in my notebook; something I do to just express my feelings and de-stress.
And what was I stressed out about today??
Alex.
Just like every other day.
And added to the Alex problem, Ashlynn has been giving me all sorts of shit, lately.
And my mom even started speaking to me again. But only to yell at me about my grades. I haven’t been able to focus on my work because of everything that’s been going on. I didn’t do too well on my last few tests, so my mom had the nerve to act concerned and caring, asking me what was wrong.
But I knew that I could never tell her why. And that she’d never ever understand.
I just shook my head, shrugged it off, and went to my room.
I ended up making a few red marks with my fingernails, and then cried myself to sleep from all the sadness and regret I felt for even agreeing to go to that party in the first place. That is what ruined Alex and I, after all.
I just wanted to be able to roll over in bed and see him there, cuddling me and playing with my hair to help me calm down and fall asleep. I wanted that more than anything, but he never showed up. He never does, anymore.
I looked over what I wrote, and I was about to edit it, when my notebook was ripped from my hands.
I looked up, shocked but then not so shocked to see Ashlynn holding the open journal in her possession. Jenna stood beside her, giving me a devious smile.
“Well what have we got here?” Ashlynn smirked down at the pages.
“Didn’t know the skank liked to write!” Jenna giggled, looking at the notebook from over Ashlynn’s shoulder.
“Yeah, me neither! They’re probably all just fantasies about my boyfriend.”
“Yeah, and maybe some super emo stuff about her depressing, worthless life!” Jenna laughed some more.
I feel my anxiety instantly rise, as my blood started to boil.
I shot up and grab one end of the notebook.
“STOP! THIS IS MINE, DON’T READ IT!” I tried to tug it out of Ashlynn’s grasp, but she had a really strong grip.
“No! I wanna read all about your deepest darkest secrets, Brittany!! What are you hiding in your little diary?” She grinned, tugging the book away from me, once again.
I was beyond frustrated and upset already, and I was just getting more flustered. Tears started falling out of my eyes, as if I were a little kid who was a sore loser from playing tug of war.
“Aww, is the baby crying??” Jenna mocked me, making me even more upset.
“PLEASE! JUST GIVE ME MY NOTEBOOK AND JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! IT’S PERSONAL, PLEASE!!” I cried, grabbing at the book once again, before being stopped by Jenna.
She grabbed my wrists, causing my sleeve to slide down halfway, and my cuts to be exposed and squeezed by her tight grip.
I physically winced and let out a hiss of pain from the sting, while trying to pull away from her with all my might.
“Ew! Looks like she really is emo, after all!” Jenna joked rather loudly, holding my wrists up and exposing them to anyone who happened to be looking.
Ashlynn began grimacing at me, while laughing her head off.
“I didn’t think she could possibly get more gross! Like, ew!”
I was completely losing my shit at this point, and just needed to get away.
Far far away.
“LET ME GO! FUCKING LET ME GO!!” I screamed, trying to wiggle away as hard as I could.
Jenna just laughed, and pushed me back with a lot of force, before letting go midway, causing me to fall back on my ass.
“Oh, go kill yourself, you little emo nobody. No one would really care. Trust me.” Ashlynn laughed, ripping the poem out of the notebook and balling it up, before throwing it at my face.
“Here, go write about how much you hate yourself, pitiful bitch.”
She threw my notebook at me, before walking off with Jenna in tow.
My anxiety was going off the charts, and I could hardly even breathe.
People around me were staring at me with not the least bit of sympathy on their faces.
I just knew that I felt humiliated, regretful, replaced, forgotten, and worthless. All at the same time.
I quickly gathered my things and scrambled to my feet, before running through the courtyard, and into the nearby woods.
I ran away as fast as I could.
I was hyperventilating and sobbing, and it was like all the weight of everything was crashing down on me, and eating me up from the inside out.
I needed to break out of my skin.
I quickly took my blade out of my bag, and rolled my sleeve back up.
I usually just try to only do this at home, but at a time like this, I desperately needed it.
I was ready to make the first cut, when I was stopped by a voice behind me.
“BETHANY! NO!”

*Jack*
I felt really worried about Bethany, lately.
She never really spoke that much anymore. All she ever did was sit and stare at Alex from across the room, or the hallway.
The sad thing is, he was always with Ashlynn. All the time.
A month ago, Bethany was telling me that they were more than fine, and now it's like they're complete strangers.
But they were so perfect together…how could that be??
When did Ashlynn fall into the mix??
I know he used to hang out with her and her posse sometimes, but I never imagined that he'd ever leave Bethany for her.
It could be because I'm gay, but I honestly don't see what’s so attractive about Ashlynn. She's super bitchy, and takes pleasure in making people feel like they're nothing. Her physical features are honestly the only things she has going for her.
I still don't get it, though.
I thought Alex was in love with Bethany. I mean, anyone could see that!
The way he’d look at her, and the way he’d never let her out of his sight…I mean, it was fucking hot.
I just couldn’t figure out how Alex could just drop that strong connection with her so easily.
I stayed in my math class for the first twenty minutes of lunch, because I needed to finish a test. I’m probably the slowest test taker in the world, but whatever.
But when I finally left my class to search for Bethany in the courtyard, she wasn’t that hard to find.
Ashlynn and Jenna were taunting her, and fighting her over a notebook. Everyone around them were just standing and watching, including me. There wasn’t really anything I could do, without just causing misery on the both of us.
Bethany started screaming and crying for them to give her her journal back, and they were just laughing in her face.
I felt so bad for her, and I felt so mad at myself for not being able to go over there and help her stand up to those bitches.
But then, the unimaginable happened.
I saw Jenna grab Bethany’s arms, and her sleeves slid down.
I couldn’t see anything but red lines slashed across her wrists, and Jenna just held her arms up higher, giving us all a better view.
Ashlynn and Jenna started making jokes about how she was “emo” and she should kill herself. Then Ashlynn ripped a page out of the notebook and threw everything at her.
Bethany looked like she just wanted to disappear, right then and there. So she did. She ran off into the woods.
We weren’t allowed to go out there, but I went against my goody-goody personality, and ran after her.
I felt beyond awful for her. I couldn’t believe that someone as sweet and gorgeous as Bethany could do something like that to themselves.
And on top of that, it was showed off to the whole courtyard against her will.
It made me so angry, yet so heartbroken.
When I finally caught up, I found her sitting down against a tree, with her wrist out, and a small blade in her hand.
Oh no. Oh no no no no.
“BETHANY! NO!” I screamed as loud as I could, causing her to let out a squeak in surprise; while also dropping her blade on the ground.
“J-J-Jack?? W-what are you doing here??” She asked, shakily.
“I saw what happened, and I followed you to make sure you were okay. But obviously you’re not!”
I could feel myself getting emotional just from seeing my best friend so broken.
She just pulled her knees up to her chest and started to cry again.
I quickly sat down next to her and pulled her into my chest.
“Tell me why you’re so upset, Bethany. You can trust me, I-I promise.”
She sniffled, and pulled back a bit.
“You saw what happened back there! Now everybody knows! They’ll all have something better to pick on me about and judge me for! Everything f-fucking sucks.” She sobbed into my chest some more.
“That was completely awful and shitty of them to do to you. I am so so sorry that happened to you. But there’s more to it. Why do you do this to yourself? What’s been bothering you so much lately??” I urged on, while rubbing her back to be as comforting as I knew how.
“Uh…I just…I have a lot of problems and they’re st-stupid, it d-doesn’t m-matter.” She shook her head.
“Yes it does, Beth. You can talk to me. Now, shoot.”
She sat back up and took a deep breath.
“I…I’m in love with Alex.”
I turned to look at her, and she was just staring straight ahead.
“O-okay…” I urged her to continue.
“I’ve never admitted that out loud before.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“So…you’re basically depressed because of Alex?”
“I’m depressed for many reasons…but I guess he is a big part of it.” She shakily sighed and wiped her cheeks.
“I see the way he’s changed…he’s been a real dick towards you, lately.”
She just shrugged, but I could tell by the pained look on her face that she knew I was right.
“Well h-he belongs to her now. He w-was the only thing that made me happy…b-but he’s hers now.” She started crying again, and I hugged her back into my side.
I’m not one to be bold, or angry, or to stand up for really anything, but I could not just sit there and watch such a sweet girl feel as if she was nothing, because of some douchebags.
Bethany has stood up for me before, and has been a great friend to me when I really needed one. I should return the favor.
“Why don’t you talk to him about this, Bethany? This is wrong! He can’t be with her when he so obviously loves you!”
“Alex doesn’t love me. He loves her.” She shook her head.
“No…I bet he isn’t even aware of the way she’s been tormenting you! I bet if he was, he wouldn’t be okay with this!!”
“NO, JACK! PLEASE PLEASE DON’T TELL HIM ABOUT THIS. I DON’T WANNA COME BETWEEN THEM.” She cried, grabbing onto my arm.
“That doesn’t matter, Bethany! I can’t just sit back while you hurt and do this to yourself!”
“JUST PLEASE, JACK! HE DOESN’T LOVE ME. HE WOULDN’T HELP ME, ANYWAY. I REALLY DON’T WANT HIM TO KNOW. PLEASE JACK…PROMISE ME YOU WON’T SAY ANYTHING!!” She begged me as she sobbed, and it broke my heart.
I knew I should’ve just went against her
“Okay, fine. But you need to stop doing this or I w-“
She cut me off with a hug.
“OH, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. YOU’RE THE BEST, JACK!”
I hugged her back and just sighed in response.
I had an awful feeling about this.

Notes

That little poem at the beginning I came up with at the top of my head and it was so bad I just had to make someone rip it up xP

I'm seeing ATL on April 18th and possibly (most likely) meeting them as well at a signing.
I'M FUCKING LOSING MY FUCKING SHIT I'M SO EXCITED!!!

Oh, and I'm on spring break so I'll be writing stufff.

Thanks! :)

Title cred: Call Me Hopeless, But Not Romantic- Mayday Parade