There's A Ghost In This Room

I’ve quickly come to terms with the fact that I can’t simply just “pretend it never happened.” That kiss Alex and I shared meant everything to me. It gave me this feeling inside that I’d never felt before. And it felt…right. It felt real. Like it was supposed to happen. Like he meant it. But it absolutely kills me inside to know that he never actually meant it at all.
I don’t know exactly what it was that he wanted from me. I don’t know why he told me he liked me back. I don’t know why he placed his lips on mine and made me feel like I was actually special to him.
What was his motive??
I could never imagine Alex ever trying to do anything in hopes to just hurt me. So why would he string me along? Why would he completely disappear for three days and then try to act as if it never happened?
As if I had somehow forgotten about that night.
I have so many questions that are just impossible for me to figure out.
He was sober. He was thinking straight.
So why would he kiss me if it wasn’t what he wanted??
Its been almost a month, and I’m still trying to figure out why.
Jack thinks that Alex and I “broke up.” Why he thinks that? Because nowadays, Alex and Ashlynn are always attached the hip. Or maybe tongue. In the halls they’re always trying to swallow each other whole. And he’s always got his arm around her whenever they walk somewhere. I remember when he’d do that to me. And I was the only girl who had that much attention from him. But it was for different reasons.
She’s his girlfriend. She gets to kiss him whenever. She gets to cuddle with him. She gets to hold his hand. She gets the pleasure of hearing his laugh, and seeing his smile, and breathing in his scent.
She gets to be with him whenever she gets the fucking chance. Meaning that I hardly ever see him, and when I do, he’s always talking about how happy he is with her. It’s like he’s mocking me. Rubbing it in my face, as if he doesn’t know about my strong feelings for him.
I mean- she does enough of that, already. Every single fucking day.
Like this morning, for instance. Ashlynn stopped me in the hall, with Jenna alongside her.
“Where ya headed?” She smiled her vindictive smile at me.
“T-to class…” I annoyingly stuttered a bit.
“Well, have you seen my boyfriend anywhere?” They both smirked at me.
No, I haven’t. You always take him away from me all the time.
“No.” I simply answered, instead.
“Hm..wonder where he could be. You know, I remember standing right here in this exact spot, telling you about how I’d be the girl he fell for. About how you wouldn’t stand a chance. Believe me now?”
Jenna burst into laughter at that, and I was just left to stand uncomfortably, thinking about the harsh reminder that Ashlynn was the girl he chose over me.
“Maybe it’s just because you aren’t as pretty as me? Or because you’re kind of a loser? What do you think, Jenna?”
“I don’t know..maybe it’s because he saw what a bitch you truly were. That stunt you pulled at the party a few weeks ago? Very uncalled for.” Jenna narrowed her eyes at me, and so did Ashlynn.
Ashlynn took a step closer to me, and glared at me in a way that made me want to shrink into a tiny little ball.
“You tried to embarrass me in front of Alex, but you failed. You know why? Because you’re still a worthless piece of crap, and he sees it too. So never ever step foot in my house again, and don’t you ever for a second, think that you can try to humiliate me and get away with it.”
“You’re really only embarrassing yourself, skank.” Jenna pitched in from behind her.
“Exactly. So think about that next time.” Ashlynn smiled, before drawing her hand back and slapping me hard across the face.
I went stumbling back a bit, almost falling down. They laughed at me, then walked right past me, as I nursed the red handprint that was sure to be on my face.
It stung, just like my eyes as tears began to form. But I quickly blinked them away, because I knew the bell was going to ring, and I needed to get to class.

The rest of the day went on pretty much the same. It took nearly over an hour for my cheek to return to its original color, and Ashlynn kept sending me glares every time she saw me.
She was always with Alex. But he rarely ever even noticed me there.
And at lunch, I tortured myself by watching him laugh with her and kiss her at their lunch table, and Jack would just stare at me with sympathetic eyes.
Not once did Alex speak to me all day. It was as if he wasn’t even here anymore. Well not for me, at least. Only for her.
Everyday was pretty much like this. Maybe he might stop by one afternoon and give me an apologetic hug or something, but honestly, since that kiss, we just haven’t been the same.
Which leaves me here now.
Sitting in my bathroom with my wrist exposed and a blade in my hand, wondering why that kiss ever happened.
I feel so numb from my emotions. I feel so embarrassed. I got drunk at that party and acted a fool, and spilled my heart out to my best friend. He probably felt pressured to kiss me. Yeah, probably.
And now he’s completely dropped me, because obviously I could never be Ashlynn. She won.
I slid the blade across my arm with a sorrowful look on my face, and absolutely no motive to do anything but suffocate myself in my own thoughts and bleed.
Seeing the blood rise from my skin helped a little, but Alex still clouded my mind.
The way he kissed me. The way he looked at me. The way he used to care.
And it all meant absolutely nothing at all.
I hope she knows just how lucky she is.

Notes

I wrote half of this at 6 am. I have no idea why I was up that early, but yeah.
This chapter could be better but aye.

I'm gonna do Jack's POV. Is that cool? Cool.

IF YOU KNOW THERE FOR TOMORROW THEN I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT WE ARE NOW BEST FRIENDS.

OH, AND VOTE PLEASE <3

Thanks! :)

Title cred: Burn The Night Away- There For Tomorrow