Delilah laid still and alone, curled up in fetal position in her queen sized bed. Her head was throbbing, her chest was beyond heavy, and she felt as if she was going to die in that very moment. Her paranoia was getting the best of her, her anxiety was starting to flare up, and she could feel herself slipping into a sort of depression-type of hold.

Basically, she was falling apart at the seams.

She knew it was the comedown from the drugs, it had to be. She just didn’t know that it would be like this.

So Delilah laid her on her bed – a shaking mess of cold sweats – wishing that she had never gotten herself into this mess.

She began to gently rock back and forth, which made her feel nauseated, but also calmed her down in a strange way. She ignored the stirring in her stomach, and continued to sway back and forth, to help her nerves. But after a short while, her stomach couldn’t take it anymore.

She jumped off her bed, ran into her bathroom, and threw up in her tub.

“Fuck.” She groaned, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Third time today.”

She thought about the last time she threw up like this, a few months ago.Just thinking about it made her want to throw up again.

---

“It’s okay babe, it’s okay.” Alex whispered as he held back her hair with one hand, and rubbed small circles on her back with the other. She retched one more time before flushing the toilet, and standing up slowly with Alex’s help.

“Are you okay?” He asked, walking behind her as she went to brush her teeth.

“Yeah.” She murmured, raking her hair out of her face before gripping onto the sink. She was feeling a bit dizzy, and beyond nauseated.

She started to brush her teeth, making sure to get the repulsive taste of bile out of her mouth.

“What’s going on with you lately, Lilah? You’re so sick, and you barely want to do anything.” Alex said, leaning on the wall behind him in their small bathroom.

“I dunno.” Delilah answered sheepishly, her toothbrush still in her mouth. Except she did know, she knew exactly why she was feeling so ill lately.
“It’s worrying me. I don’t know what’s wrong, babe.” He sighed, very confused and concerned about Delilah’s well being.

“I don’t either.” She lied, before rinsing out her mouth with mouthwash. She spit it out, and pulled her mess of bright curls into a bun on her head.

Alex sighed again as he bit his lip, looking at his girlfriend. She had become significantly smaller, and paler, too. Her hands were shaking, and her face looked greenish. She obviously wasn’t feeling well, and it was bothering him.

“Well, do you want me to take you to the hos-?” Alex started to question, before Delilah interrupted him.

“NO!” She yelled, turning to face him. She sighed softly, before wiping her face. She looked up at him, meeting his brown eyes.

“No. I don’t want that.”

He looked at her, his face mixed with a look of shock and confusion. He didn’t understand.

“Why not? I’m, I’m not trying to pressure you into anything, but you need help, Lilah.” He said soothingly, moving to stand next to her.

“I just, I don’t like hospitals. And I don’t need help.” She answered, moving closer to the wall to avoid his touch. “It’s just the flu, probably.”

Alex studied her for some time, before speaking up again.

“Why do you do that?”

She looked up at him, confused as to what he was referring to.

“Do what?”

“Shut me out.” He whispered, saddened by the entire conversation.

“Oh Alex, don’t do that again-” Delilah began, as she walked out of the bathroom into their room.

“Don’t do what again Delilah? Tell you the truth? You shut me out all the time and you know it!” He said loudly, following her into the room.

“No I don’t, Alex! Not all the time!” She replied, turning to face him.

“Okay, well as of late, whatever. But you’ve been pushing me away so much lately, and you can’t say you aren’t!” He was starting to raise his voice.

He had a point, though. Delilah was shutting him out. And he wanted to know why.

“No I haven’t been! So shut up!" She responded, turning and walking away once more.

“You’re doing it right now!” He started to follow her.

“I’m not doing this Alex.” She said sternly, exiting their room, and entering the living room.

“Where are you going?” He questioned, slamming the room door behind him as he followed her.

She didn’t answer. Instead, she sat on the couch, and curled up into a ball.

“Lilah.”

“Delilah, I know you hear me.”

“I said I’m not doing this, Lex. I’m not.” She replied emptily as she stared blankly into the distance.

Alex laughed slightly, before turning around to go back in the bedroom. He came out a few minutes later, with his boots and his leather jacket on.

Delilah looked up when she heard the sound of his shoes on the hardwood floor.

“Where are you going?” She asked softly.

“Out.” He answered, still heading toward the door, and not making eye contact.

Delilah frowned, feeling her stomach become uneasy again, and a knot swell up in throat.

“Well are you coming back?”

When he reached the door, he looked back at her before opening it.

“I don’t know.”

Alex eventually came back, but it wasn’t until very late in the night. Delilah never figured out where he went.

But even though he came back, god, it hurt her so bad.

---

She turned on the shower, rinsing out her tub. The shower was on its hottest setting, with steam clouds coming from the water pouring out of the shower head. She could feel the bathroom fill up with humidity, and she could see the mirror begin to fog. The hot water droplets looked so alluring, and she wasn’t sure why. It should have scared her, not intrigued her. Normal people aren’t supposed to be drawn the kind of pain that happens when you stick your arm into scalding hot water.

But Delilah was not a normal person.

So she stuck her left arm into the water. And it burned. But she was not scared, not one bit. She left it there for a few seconds, and she could see her skin start to turn red. But she didn’t move it yet. It wasn’t until she felt as if her arm was frying that she pulled away.

When she did, her arm was bright red, and had a few blisters on it. Sure, it hurt, but she couldn’t feel it. She knew it was supposed to hurt, but she couldn’t feel it.

“What the fuck.” She whispered, running her finger down the burn. It didn’t hurt. Wasn’t it supposed to hurt?

Delilah turned to face her mirror, which was fogged up from the heat. She wiped the condensation off the glass, so she could look at herself. All she could see was a mess of fire hair, and a shattered mass of emptiness staring back at her. She gently ran her fingers down her face. She couldn’t see anything within herself. All she could see was darkness. She felt as if it wasn’t real. As if she weren’t there.

“What is this? What am I?” She asked nobody in particular, as she wiped more water from the glass. “What have I become?” She whispered, feeling a lump in her throat. She was about to cry.

And in that exact moment, she became angry. Extremely angry. And she didn’t know why.

“Why did I let you BREAK ME?!” She yelled, before striking the mirror with her fist. The mirror shattered, and blood started to ooze of her clenched fist. She stared at it silently for some time, as glassy tears dropped from her eyes, mixing in with her blood stained fist.

Delilah started to become even angrier, angry at the fact that she let Alex do this to her, and he was probably doing just fine. Angry at the fact that she was ripping herself apart over someone who probably didn’t even give two shits about her. Angry that he was still apart of her.

“Out,” She whispered, more tears spilling out of her eyes, “I want you out.”

She started scratching at her right arm, furiously. Raking her nails up and down her flesh, until it turned red, and started swell.

“I WANT YOU OUT! GET OUT!” She screamed, scratching even harder. She then breathlessly sighed, looking at her arms. One of them was burned, badly, and the other covered in scratches. But that wasn’t enough. He was still there.

“GET OUT OF MY VEINS!” She yelled again, followed by a wail from her crying. She looked at her bathroom counter, which was covered in glass from her mirror. And she got an idea.

She picked up a shard of glass, and pressed it deep into her pale skin, before dragging it downward. It stung. It bled. She cried.

But man, it felt good.

She kept making jagged cuts with the shard until it eventually started to dull. When her vision started to blur and she began seeing spots of black in her vision, she slid down the wall, still crying.

“Why. Why, why, why.” She whispered, biting her lip to hold back the rest of the tears.

“I’m sorry.” Was the last thing she said before she blacked out.

Notes

heh heh... don't hate me...
iM SORry but its all part of the story ok. u will see.
so i didn't update all weekend bc i was so busy which was a first
i know as of late i've been updating almost everyday, but idk if i'll have time to anymore, bc school is dumb.
so i'll update once, or maybe twice a week, depending on how bad you guys want this story, and how busy i am.
i'll probably end up updating again this week bc its only monday and i don't wanna leave you guys hanging for that long without knowing what happens ;)
but yes, that's it, i believe.
thanks for reading!!
what do you think??