I Just Want A Place In Your Heart Like You Have A Place In Mine

It was the last day of the weekend, Sunday. Which means I have to go back to school and pretend to be someone I’m not. I trudged my way out of my comfortable bed and slid on some pajama bottoms over my boxers. I glanced at the clock and seen it was 11:38. Wow, I slept late. I made my way down the steps and took a long walk through the mansion to get to the kitchen.

Lacey and Evan were sitting at the counter eating cereal and toast. Mom was cooking pancakes it looked like and Dad was reading the newspaper in silence. Yeah, this seemed about right.

“Morning,” I mumbled still half sleeping.
“Morning Honey,” Mom smiled as she flipped the pancake over. I just smiled at my older sister and younger brother and walked over to the medicine cabinet. I grabbed the case of pills and swallowed my morning dose.

“I’m gonna go get dressed.” I said started walking out of the kitchen.
“No, Alex you are going to sit down with us and eat breakfast.” Mom sternly said stopping me from walking any further.
“Fine then. Can I just have toast?” I asked plunking down in a sit next to Evan.
“Sure.” Mom said walking over to the toaster.
“You okay, bro?” Evan asked looking at me. I shrugged and leaned back in my chair.
“Oh!” I said quickly and hopping out of my chair and running over to Mom. “I need to borrow the car, I need to go to the mall.”
“Why?” Mom asked as she spread butter on the toasted bread.
“I need new cleats, mine are getting pretty nasty.” I said with a chuckle. She sighed and handed me the keys that were hanging on the wall. “Eat first, take Lacey and Evan if they want to go.”
“Got it!” I said smiling. I took the toast and sat down next to my siblings.
“Do you guys want to go?” I asked sipping some water.
“I think I’ll stay here but thanks.” Lacey smiled.
“I’m totally coming!” Evan shouted before running off.

I took one bite of my toast and yelled, “I’m done!” I quickly ran up three flights up stairs and to my room before they could stop me.

I slammed the door shut and locked it. I grabbed my phone right as Colton texted me.

From Colton:
Hey, come over!

To Colton:
Man, I wish I could but I gotta take Evan to the mall. Sorry bro.

From Colton:
Dammit. Ok see ya tomrrow?

To Colton:
Yeah.

I quickly turned my phone off not wanting to talk to any of those jerks. Of course they thought I was their friend but I wasn't. They are fucking ass holes but hey, so am I. I don’t like to be though.

Okay, so I've played football ever since I was a small kid. I was a happy little boy with two amazing sisters. I would always just throw the football at them, that’s what brothers do. Elementary school was great too. But towards the end of third grade, Evan started becoming really sad and he was only in second grade. He would cry all the time saying that he didn't want to be a girl. As a child we called Evan, Ashley. That’s his birth name. My parents took him to the doctor and a therapist because they were scared for him. They didn't understand why their little girl longed to be a boy like me. Evan would wear my clothes and play with my toys he wanted to be exactly like me. The therapist said that if Evan wants to act like a boy let him. The doctor and therapist introduced my parents to people who were transgender. Mom was okay with Evan turning into a boy but Dad didn't like it. Dad would come home from work early before Mom would get home and take his anger out on me. A little third grader would get beaten. Mom still hasn't found out.

Next came middle school. Dad stopped beating me by the time I got to sixth grade. Dad started getting used to have two boys and only one girl. Over the years of middle school Evan would get bullied a lot and come crying to me. I would always comfort him, I hated seeing him hurt. Lacey is a year older than me so she was in eighth grade. She started getting bullied as well. She would come crying to me as well and I would comfort her. I hated seeing my siblings hurt so much but I couldn't do anything about it. I would just play football to take my mind off things but then things started getting worse. People started telling Lacey so bad, Mom took her out of school. Lacey started doing cyber school and that’s kinda when everything started to get even more worse.

I developed high anxiety and built up these walls during school. I pretend to be some mean, ungrateful jock. In the last year of middle school, I met Colton and Riley. They are the meanest people you will ever meet. They go around school making peoples life hell, and I joined them. We were on top of the pyramid and we still are.

When the first year of high school came around I met a girl. Her name was Cassie. We were really close. She was a cheerleader and I was the football captain, it just seemed right. Unlike other girls, she was actually nice. Soon after we became friends we hit it off. We started going out and after a few months of dating she seen right through my walls. She broke them down and found out the real me. She found out about my anxiety, my family problems, the music I listen to, how I really dress, and most of all my true personality. She told me that she loved who I actually was and not who I pretend to be. Besides my family, she is the only person that knows the true me. We dated for a while and soon enough we got to tenth grade together, and that’s where I am now.

I always feel bad for making people miserable at school. I’m a ass to people who never even did anything wrong to me. Why should a tenth grader have that much power? I make Evan’s friends miserable, I make everyone miserable.

I heard a knock at the door snapping me out of my thoughts. “Come in.” The door opened and Evan walked in all ready to go.
“You still aren't dressed?” He asked sitting down on my bed.
“No, sorry, I was just thinking.” I mumbled walking over to my closet looking through my flannels. I picked out a yellow and black plaid flannel, black skinny jeans, a grey beanie, and some Nike high tops.
“I like you better like that you know. You can be really mean to my friends at school.” Evan said quietly.
“Yeah I know Evan!” I shouted at him angrily. “You know I hate pretending to be someone I’m not but I can’t stop now!”
“Alex I’m sor-”
“No, Evan, just drop it.” I snapped walking out of my room and into my personal bathroom. I put on my clothes and straightened my hair quickly before throwing a beanie over my honey brown hair.

I walked into my room and saw that Evan wasn't there anymore. I sighed and grabbed my phone and turned it back on seeing I missed a call from Cassie. I quickly hit call back and waited for her to answer.

“Hello?” Her beautiful voice said through the speakers.
“Hey, baby, sorry I didn't answer. I turned my phone off. I just haven’t been having a good morning.” I complained to my girlfriend.
“What’s wrong?” She asked full of worry.
“Just the normal shit.” I sighed walking out of my room to find Evan.
“Sorry, babe.” She said. “Anything I can do to make you feel better?”
“Well I could think of a few things…” I smirked. She busted out laughing and said, “I’m not having sex with you tonight sorry.”
“Dang.” I laughed walking into Evan’s room.
“Ready to go?” I asked moving the phone away from my face.
“Yeah.” He said and followed behind me.
“Where you guys going?” She asked.
“Mall,” I said simply, “I need new cleats.”
“Mind if I tag along?” Cassie asked.
“Yeah, I’ll pick you up in a few minutes.” I smiled.
“Alright see ya then, Lex. Love ya.” She said sweetly.
“Love you too.” I smiled before hanging up and putting my phone in my back pocket.

Evan looked at me once we got into the car and said, “Cassie coming?”
“Yup.” I said happily popping the ‘p.’
“Okay.”

Once we picked up Cassie we all made our way to the mall listening to some music Evan picked which happened to be Blink.

After about a half hour we got to the mall and we all started walking around.
“So Evan and I want to go to Hot Topic and I also need cleats,” I said to Cassie. “Where do you want to go?”
“I just wanna see what they have at forever 21 after you guys are done.” Cassie smile taking her hand in mine. I squeezed her hand and we all started walking to Hot Topic.

When we got to Hot Topic, Evan went straight to the back where all the shirts are and Cassie started looking through some jewelry.
“Hey, I’m gonna go back with Evan” I smiled pecking her cheek quickly. She nodded and I walked back to my brother.
“Look at this shirt!” Evan said holding up a new Bring Me The Horizon shirt.
“Awesome!” I shouted and started looking through some Green Day shirts. I found a new Green Day one I just had to have but it wasn't my size they only had a small and a large.
“I’m going to go ask if they have a medium.” I said to Evan. He nodded and I walked up to the cashier.

“Do you have this in a medium?” I asked the worker who wasn't looking at me at the moment. He turned around and his eyes widened.
“You listen to Green Day?” Jack asked wide eyed. Since when has he worked here? No one from school can see me here dressed like this!
“And I didn't know you dressed like that.” Jack said with a smile probably checking me out.
“Dude, I’m not gay. Stop checking me out. No, I don’t listen to Green Day, it’s for Evan. Do you have a medium.” I said slightly annoyed with my jock personally coming back.
“Evan wears a small.” Jack smirked. He was seeing through my walls. I need out of here. I can’t breath.

I leaned over and gripped the counter. I tried taking deep breaths but nothing was working.
“Hey, Alex, are you okay? Jack asked. I shook my head no and ran out of the shop leaving Cassie and Evan in there. I just let someone see through my walls, this can not happen....

Notes

So I hoped this cleared a bit up. There are still secrets though that will be told throughout this story. I hope you guys like it!
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Happy reading! <3