We Were Born To Lose

“Fuck!” I whispered. We’d been able to track into the forest but then the tracks got so vague, we could only determine the general direction they traveled in.
“Sire, it’s getting dark and-“
“We have to find him.” I stated, interrupting Sir Dorian.
“Alex we want to find him too. He means a lot to all of us, but we can’t find him without any sleep or food. We need to rest so that our senses aren’t corrupted by fatigue.” Sir Dawson said. He was right, I hated it but I knew he was. I sighed and ordered them to go back to camp and get some supplies. I wasn’t going back till I at least had something. I watched them ride out of sight and then I faced the woods again, feeling my heart cry out for him. I so desperately wanted to let him know that I didn’t hate him. I couldn’t bear the thought of the last thing I said to him was “I hate you so fucking much, Jack.”

How could you’ve said that to him! What the fuck is wrong with you?

My eyes blurred with tears and wiped them away quickly. Then I whispered only five short words. They were a cry for him, they were my own version of screaming in agony, they were my heart’s one and only desire,
“Jack come back to me.”
Rustling sounding from up the trail broke me out of my trance. I turned my head to see my knights approaching with supplies. It was then that I realized I hadn’t moved. I’d just stayed in the same spot for who knows how long. I shook my head and helped my knight set up our make-shift camp. It would be very small, just a fire but hey, fire is calming. After we got one going, we all sat around it while eating bread in silence.
“When we were up at camp, I heard word that Sir Balthazar is missing.” Dawson said, breaking the silence.

First my servant, then one of my knights! What more can they take from me?

“Great.” I whispered.
“What are we going to do when we find them?” Zach asked.
“Depending on his health, I may take him back to the castle.” I replied, completely ignoring the fact that Balthazar was missing too, and I just prayed that even if we got get him back, he’d survive the trip home.
“What do you think they’re doing to him?” Sir Dorian asked quietly.
“Probably torturing him mercilessly.” I replied bluntly. I shuttered to think of his appearance when they’d finished with him. Not that it would bother me, I honestly wouldn’t love him any less. But he could wind up with serious scarring, the loss of eyes, crushed or missing toes and fingers, he might wind up crippled and that’s only a few things that could happen. He could end up seriously mutilated. I would love him no matter what he looked like, but it would still be very traumatizing for him and I don’t want him to have to go through that.
After a few hours of silence, I decided I’d had enough so I stepped away from the warmth of the fire and grabbed my pack and used it as a pillow as I fell to the ground in exhaustion but of course, my dreams taunted me that night.

Jack’s terrified voice echoed through the winter air but the freezing temperatures of the wind could not match the chill of Jack’s scream.
“ALEX!” He screamed again.
“I’M COMING!” I replied, bolting in the direction of his voice.
“ALEX PLEASE!” He screamed again, but this time his voice was coming from the opposite direction. I spun around and continued. “PLEASE!” He screamed, this time his voice was from the right.
“HOLD ON BABY!” I called back, sprinting in the direction of his voice again.
“ALEX!” This time, his voice was everywhere. It surrounded me so I couldn’t pin point where it was coming from. It was like it was in my head, deafening me, blinding me. I shut my eyes tight and was forced to listen to his screams of agony as people tortured the life out of him. Then it stopped. I opened my eyes. There stood before me was Jack who was smiling warmly. He was completely fine. Nothing was wrong. No blood, no wounds, no nothing.
“Jack!” I whispered and threw my arms around him. Once my body connected with his, I felt something wet and hot. I pulled back to see myself covered in blood…But it wasn’t mine. I looked up at my Jack to see him covered in the red liquid. His hair was tangled and matted with blood, his body was absolutely covered with the dried stuff, he had scars and deep lacerations but he still looked at me with the same warm expression.
“Don’t worry, Alex. I’ll stay strong for you.” He murmured.
“No. Jack please tell them. Tell them everything, just make sure they don’t hurt you.” I cried, a tear trickling down my cheek.
“No, Alex. My life isn’t worth yours.” He smiled.
“Yes it is. It’s worth a thousand of mine, just please tell them.” I begged.
“I won’t.” He said sadly. I exhaled hard in hopelessness.
“I’m trying so hard to find you. Where are you?” I asked. But the second I asked that question, Jack fell to the ground, screaming in agony and his wounds started bleeding again, causing the dried blood to be rewetted.
“NO! TORTURE ME! TAKE ME!” I screamed at the wind but nothing happened except the fact that Jack’s screams grew louder. I fell to the ground next to him and reached out to touch him when-

“NO!” I screamed as I shot up. Everything happened in a blur, the knights jumping up with their weapons ready, someone pulling me into their arms, and me sobbing my heart out. Once I’d finally gained awareness, I realized that my knights were staring at me wide eyes. I took a breath and calmed myself down quickly. I couldn’t let anyone see me like this.
“Sorry.” I murmured and shifted away from the person holding me who I identified as Sir Dorian.
“You okay?” Sir Dawson asked.
“Yeah, bad dream. Sorry.” I mumbled. They exchanged looks but didn’t say anything.
“Alright well we should try to get some more sleep.” He said hesitantly. I nodded and they slowly returned to their blankets, eyeing me like I was about to explode. I sighed at myself for showing such weakness and scooted under my blanket again. I watched the glowing embers of the fire as I slowly fell back asleep.

Notes

Title Cred: Stay Awake by All Time Low