“Fuck.” I whispered to myself as I sat on the floor in the armory. I’d been sent here to get Alex’s sword and I’d been carrying one of his shirts when I accidentally knocked the polish onto it and I got it all over one of the sleeves and I knew that this would send him into an abusive mood.

So what? You deserve it. You deserve to be hit, pushed, kicked, hated, raped, you deserve all of it. That’s what you get for being disgusting. You just drag everyone down. Nobody really gives a shit about you! Even Alex hits you because he regrets saving you. Alex just wishes you were gone. You’re just a worthless piece of trash and-

“Jack?” Sir Balthazar’s voice cut through my train of thought. Sir Balthazar had been knighted last week and since he was the newest knight, he was subject to most of the other knight’s teasing. I looked up and it wasn’t till then that I knew I was crying. “What’s wrong?” He asked, rushing up to me and wiping away the tears which streamed down my face.
“I-I ac-aci-d-dental-ly sp-spilled p-polish o-on it.” I stuttered in between ragged breaths.
“Hey, it’s okay. Come on, I know someone who might be able to help.” He said. He held out his hand and helped me off the floor and brought his arm around my waist as he led me though the castle. His arm didn’t bother me much, I felt safe even if I wished it was Alex’s. He led me up a flight of stairs and knocked on a door. Princess Lisa answered with a bright smile which dimmed when she saw my tears.
“What happened?” She asked, pulling me in. I showed her the polished-stained shirt. She took it from me and examined it.
“I can fix it. Jack honey, take a seat on my bed and try to calm down okay? I’ll fix it and Alex never has to know.” She smiled kindly. I was surprised she knew my name.
“T-thank you your Highness.” I whispered and reluctantly sat on her bed. I wasn’t worthy of such a place as her bed and I slightly hung my head in shame. Sir Balthazar kneeled in front of me with his hand on my knee, rubbing small circles with his thumb. A few minutes later, Lisa came back with the shirt.
“I have a dress made of the same fabric so I just cut the sleeve off and re-sewed a new one. Alex will never know!”
I took a look at it and it looked like nothing had ever happened. She did an absolutely outstanding job.
“Thank you so much your Highness.” I said with a bow.
“You’re very welcome.”
“I’d better get Jack back to Alex.” Sir Balthazar remarked.
“Alright, goodbye you two!” She smiled kindly. She was right, Alex didn’t have a clue. He just put it on and went about his day to my relief.

---

I was on my break and walking outside and Sir Balthazar caught up to me.
“Hey, Jack.” He grinned. My mood lifted at the sight of his friendly face.
“Hello, Sire.”
“How’d it go?” He asked regarding the shirt.
“Not a clue.” I smirked.
“Excellent. Where are you going?” He asked.
“I’m headed to the gardens because Mom wants me to get some herbs for her.” I replied.
“What are you getting?”
“A herb called Coltsfoot.” I replied, stepping over a rock.
“I know where that is, I’ll come with you.” He smiled.
“Okay.” I replied, happy to have company. We spent most of my break picking Coltsfoot and a few other herbs which Sir Balthazar identified as Chamomile, Balm, Anise, Horehound, the root of Fennel, Radish, and Celery. I thought Radish and Celery were only for eating but apparently they had medical uses also. Balthazar and I talked the whole time and he told me about how his father was a Duke who had control over a large city named Roarekshed. Balthazar always wanted to be a knight and protect people and when he heard word of the Gaskarths, he traveled for days before he finally got here and was accepted into knight ship. We entered Mom’s chambers laughing over a story of a drunk fellow he’d once met but then our laughing abruptly stopped when we saw Alex sitting on Mom’s table with a shoulder wound.
“Sire!” I cried, rushing up to him. “What happened.”
“We were ambushed during patrol. I’ll talk to you about it later.” He said with a cool voice as his eyes narrowed at me, then at Sir Balthazar.
“We’ve brought your herbs, I’ll see myself out.” Sir Balthazar said before setting them on a shelf and exiting. He was smart, I wanted to leave too but I knew I couldn’t. This was my master and he was hurt. I helped Mom make a paste and helped her dress his wounds. Then afterwards, I helped him walk to his room, even though he insisted that he could do it himself, I still held his good arm. Once we were in his room, I expected shouting but instead was met with silence. Cold, deadly silence. The kind of silence that makes you want to scream in terror and run.
“Why didn’t you meet us for patrol?” He asked, his voice silky but not in a good way. I fixed my gaze on the floor and didn’t dare look up.
“Y-you told m-me I was on br-break.” I stuttered.
“Did I say you could skip patrol?”
“No.” I whispered.
“Speak. Up.” He ordered making me shrink back.
“N-No.” I said, my eyes never leaving the floor’s wooden planks.
“That’s what I thought. So why did you skip it?”
“Because Mom wanted me to pick some herbs for your father.” I replied.
“Why didn’t she send someone else?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why did Balthazar help you?”
“He told me he knew where they were. We were just picking herbs!” I cried.
“Jack I saw you two laughing you were doing a lot more than that.” This is when I finally looked up at him in shock.
“No! Why would I do that?” I cried.
“I don’t know, you’ve screwed pretty much everyone else, why not him?” He spat while advancing to the point where his face was just inches from mine. I gasped and stumbled back, tears threatened to fall. My limbs were drained of any strength they had and it took every ounce of will I possessed not to fall to a crumpled pile on the floor and sob. It literally felt like someone had punched me in the heart. Agony filled my lungs as my breathing grew ragged. I searched his eyes for for any tiny trace of remorse but there was nothing. Anger radiated off of him causing the air I breathed to be toxic.
“L-lex.” I whispered. His eyes narrowed coldly and my legs couldn’t handle it. I fell to my knees before my master, praying that he’d just kill me then and there. But of course he wasn’t that kind. I cried silently as he stood before me, then a small voice.
“Jack?”
I looked up through tear-blurred vision to see Alex looking down at me with wide eyes. Here it comes. Here comes the apology and like always, I won’t be able to resist it. I started to scoot away but Alex crouched to the ground and took my hand and soon, Alex’s arms were around me. I froze, entranced by his contact. His body pressed against mine making that feeling of being safer then ever appeared as I breathed him in. I wanted to touch every part of him. I wanted to surround and completely engulf him as he did to me.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Jack I don’t know what happened. I just got so angry when I saw you and I didn’t know what to do with all that anger and so I took it out on you and that wasn’t fair and I’m so fucking sorry. Why do I always fuck it up.” He said. I hated myself for my response.
“It’s alright Alex. I forgive you.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“But I do.” I whispered.

Notes

Title Cred: Don't by Ed Sheeran


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