Take Care

Alex looked at his hand. It was red, but soon, it would be swollen and covered in a big bruise. He felt the rush of adrenaline and endorphins from what he had just done to himself. There was also a bit of guilt but he ignored it. He had managed to get rid of the bad feelings which had been much worse than the tiny splinter of guilt.

The college student pulled off his hoodie to get a better look at his arms. They were all beaten up, bruised and battered. He indulged in the sight of the countless bruises, ranging from dark purple to blue, to green and yellow with the occasional red spot from where his skin had broken.

It wasn’t that he thought his injuries were beautiful like a sunset at the seaside would be beautiful; he thought they were beautiful in the way that they showed he was alive. He also needed them to make him feel something, as pathetic as that may sound to anyone who doesn’t know the feelings self-harm provides.

He pulled his hoodie back on after pressing on a few bruises, testing how they hurt. One reason why he preferred bruising over cutting was that it couldn’t start bleeding randomly, consequently staining his clothes. The other reason was that it didn’t leave behind scars and almost no one ever noticed, no matter how blue and swollen his hand might be.

He left the bathroom of the café and walked back to his table. He waited patiently for his order to be taken, writing down a few things in his ever-present notebook. The café was really old-fashioned with the waiters wearing bow ties and waistcoats. His waiter was the same boy as always, tall, skinny, with black hair and big glasses. His name tag read “Jack”. Alex thought he was awkward in a cute way; how he tripped regularly or how he sometimes stuttered was just too adorable.

“Hey Alex. The usual?” Jack asked with a smile. He had gotten to know Alex and his desires pretty well in the meantime.

“Yes please,” Alex replied. Jack noted it, mumbling a “sure” and then turned around. Alex decided all of a sudden that he wanted something else in addition today so he quickly grabbed the waiter’s arm and prevented him from leaving. The younger one flinched and spun around, his cheeks red. He stared at the hand on his arm and before Alex could even get his order out, Jack’s eyes widened and he let out a little gasp at the sight of the already slightly purple skin.

Alex felt panic rush through his veins but he reminded himself to stay calm. He could do this.

“Alex-“

“I fell,” Alex said abruptly, tearing his hand away from the waiter’s hold.

“Are you sure?” Jack said, full of doubt, looking heartbreakingly sad.

“Definitely. So, I wanted to order something else. Could I maybe also have a slice of cheesecake, please?”

“I… um…. Sure,” Jack stammered, turning around. He turned around once more to give Alex a concerned look. Alex tried his best to stay calm and look unfazed.

When Jack brought the cheesecake and black tea, he shot Alex more concerned looks. Alex tried to not seem suspicious. Jack smiled shyly at him and Alex returned the smile, as if to say “all is okay”. Alex liked to think he was okay even when he was totally not. A side effect from self-harm.

Jack was quieter than usual after the incident but he was polite as always. When Alex left, after having read a bit in a book, Jack brought the bill. Alex paid and took the bill. Jack left. But then, Alex noticed something. Handwriting on the small slip of paper. Numbers. And something else.

“Here’s my number in case you need someone. Take care. –Jack”

Alex looked up to see Jack behind the cash register. He smiled just the tiniest bit at the younger man and stuffed the bill into his pocket. Jack caught his smile and smiled back. Alex got up and gathered his things to go home, the small smile still illuminating his face as he left the café and breathed in the cold November air. Even though Jack seeing his bruises had been not so nice, Jack acted in a way that Alex really appreciated. And he seemed to care.

Notes

I'm BACK! After a while of being pretty much absent on this site, I've decided to post my newest story on here too. I have written quite a lot in the meantime but it's not on here. Link to my Mibba if anyone wants to read my new stuff.

So yeah, it'd be really cool if you could leave me comments, vote and subscribe!

-Laura