Alex hadn't gone to school after their little chat on the phone. Jack assumed he pissed him off because he hadn't returned any of his feelings and it was obvious Alex was hurt about it. It only made Jack begin to wonder if he really meant it when he said he had liked him -as in more than a friend and not just a fuck buddy. Jack had highly doubted it but the fact that Alex wasn't at school made it seem like he was avoiding him because he was embarrassed he had admitted something like that to Jack. Jack knew Alex wasn't one for caring for others. Alex was one of those people who only cared for themselves and the way he grew up didn't surprise Jack. He wasn't very considerate of other's feelings and that also scared Jack. He didn't want to get involved with Alex when all he'd do was get and take what he wanted and leave.

Little did Jack know that that was exactly how Alex thought about him. He was scared Jack would take what he wanted and leave him.They'd grow close and when Jack got bored he'd leave. Besides, Alex really didn't want to give up all his fuck buddies for someone who would justleave.So, he'd rather keep Jack as just his friend he'd talk to occasionally. It was easier.

But because Jack didn't know that's how Alex felt he grew depressed over it. He hated having to hold in all of these raw emotions he just needed to let out sometimes. Usually, he'd solve it with cutting. Jack felt kind of dumb because, wow, it seemed like everyone who was depressed cutted nowadays. But a lot of the time it really helped. It was peaceful. Jack wouldn't hurt anyone when he was mad like how he did Alex and instead hurt himself. And it was kind of silly, so Jack thought, to hurt himself when he was already hurt emotionally, but it distracted him from the pain at least for a moment. He promised himself he'd never do anything that would scar or be too deep, and had kept his own promise since he started the cutting.

But then he started burning himself. It was an accident at first, but then he actually started doing it. At first he'd just press his lighter to his skin after he had let it burn for a while -the metal singeing into his thumb or hand -and it looked like he had actually been lighting a cigarette and slipped. It was easier to hide and make excuses for than cuts. He liked to use it the most. Sometimes he'd old the flame under his skin and just watch it flicker and burn the sensitive areas -boiling his blood there it seemed. He had all kind of boils and rashes and even a few marks that almost turned black.

But now, Jack didn't want to harm himself to feel pain. He wanted to try something new. He wanted to get a few piercings.

His mother had told him already she wasn't allowing it -a year ago when he asked at seventeen -but now he was eighteen and Joyce was reluctant, but knew that Jack really wanted her approval despite being perfectly capable of doing it without her permission, and appreciated he asked her again, and said yes. She had a few conditions -like he had to actually wear the earrings he was planning on getting in both ears because apparently he wanted to be like some Mark boy. She had no idea who he was talking about and told him that she wanted to meet him making him groan and roll his eyes while saying, "Mom! I don't really know him!" Which had Joyce crying, "Then how do you know he has his ears pierced!" And starting a whole pretty big and complicated explanation of Blink-182 that Joyce still had no clear understanding of.

But Joyce had gave him plenty of money to get two piercing and earrings and maybe even other things and Jack was grateful for that. He had his own money, but would rather use what his mother gave him because why let it waste? So, he drove to the nearest tattoo parlor.

Now, he wanted to keep it a secret, and that's why he was blushing bright red and nearly dying of embarrassment as he had to mutter all the piercings he wanted, including the very embarrassing Prince Albert piercing. The woman, who he knew did them because he had read it on the website when he looked up if they even did these kind of piercings, didn't even seemed to hesitate or bat an eye at Jack as he stuttered out the piercing he wanted. She simply led him to the back to be more private because obviously the boy wasn't comfortable even telling her what he wanted and set to work.

It was probably the most awkward, embarrassing experience of his life, but, by golly, he fucking got it done. He got all three piercings -purchasing for a few extra rings and other stuff (like a key chain and cigarette lighter he thought was too cool to pass up) and made his way home.

It was hard to drive his motorcycle with his Prince Albert, though. It actually took him a really long time to get on the bike because it was still sore and even his ears were in a bit of pain when he actually starting driving and the wind whipped his hair around -even the slightest touch making his earrings seem to bleed.

When he got home he just wanted some ice. He waddled to the kitchen only to be stopped by his mother. She examined his earrings -smiling a little and saying, "Okay, so, they look pretty nice on you."

"I told you they'd look good, Mom." Jack said -rolling his eyes.

"I wonder what your father will say. He probably wont like them. I remember when May wanted a nose piercing and Bassam got very upset. He thinks they are ugly. I don't know about earrings, but he really didn't like anything piercing the face." Jack sighed -shrugging his shoulders as Joyce looked him up and down, "What are you doing in here anyways? Dinner starts at five. No snacks."

"I'm just getting some ice." Jack groaned.

"For what?"

"My ears hurt." He whined, "Can I have some ice or what?"

Joyce rolled her eyes and stepped out of the way -allowing Jack his way in the kitchen.

When Jack got his ice and went to his room he could already feel the pain wearing off for his piercing. Enough to be tolerated at least. He checked his phone -expecting at least a text from Alex -but finding none and sighing at it. Maybe its what he deserved. He had been a total ass to Alex -why would he want to talk to him? He decided to strip -grabbing the instructions for his piercings and how to take care of them. He was told he couldn't jerk off until the piercing healed which was a total bummer because the lady had said it could take from four weeks to six months, but he told himself he'd hold out for as long as it took because he was not going to waste all the fucking pain he went through because he was horny.

As a distraction he played with his lighter and razors. He usually only cut on his thighs -that was the only place he could hide the cuts -and considered actually cutting a little. He wanted to conflict pain on himself. Maybe because he had hurt Alex's feelings. Maybe because Alex had hurt his kind of by avoiding him. He really didn't know exactly why he wanted to hurt himself. It was addicting. Like his cigarettes. Jack had tried cutting -limiting himself like he had his cigarettes -but it was much, much harder for some reason.

Maybe because cutting helped him through everything while cigarettes just calmed him down when he was worked up. His cigarettes weren't as helpful. Sure, they got him through stress and if he was ever just plain angry, but cutting was so much more fulfilling. It kept him what he considered "happy" for hours and sometimes days if he didn't fuck up things with Alex. It just helped.

Joyce didn't know Jack cut. If she did she'd probably send him to therapy again. In fact, no one did. Not even Alex. Jack liked to keep it that way.

Notes

One time Jack joked about having a Prince Albert piercing on Full Frontal. So, that is exactly why now I can only imagine Jack with a dick piercing and put it as a whole freakin chapter because wow.

This is extremely short and boring, but now you know Jack self harms :( and it kind of had to be mentioned.