Carry Me Home Tonight

Arriving back in LA made me feel like shit. I wanted to be home. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted him back. Now more than ever.

I still felt the ghost of his lips on mine. I wanted to lace my fingers with his again. I was in love again. I was falling all over again. And it was breaking my heart.

Tay stayed silent as we flew back. She remained silent as we drove back to the studio house. Once we arrived, the guys knew I wasn’t in the mood to talk and let me go to my room. I curled up into a ball on my bed as I cried. I opened my locket and I looked at the picture inside. I sobbed even harder as I looked at his smile.

“Hey,” Tay walked in and laid with me in my bed, “Things will get better. He’ll get things figured out. Then he’ll track us down and make you swoon again.”

“My heart can’t take it,” I sobbed, “I wish I was a vampire. I could turn this off.”

“No you don’t,” she argued, “You would be nothing without feeling the pain. Alex was an idiot.”
---
I decided to keep myself busy with cleaning the house all the time. I needed to keep busy so I wouldn’t think about him. It hurt way too much.

“I see someone has been busy,” I turned around to find Tay standing with Jack. I smiled a little and gave him a hug.

“Did you bring him with you,” I asked.

“He stayed home,” he replied, “He’s not ready to spend time with you yet.”

“Okay,” I felt defeated, “I understand I guess.”

“It’ll be okay,” he promised.

“I miss him,” I started crying again.

“I know,” he rubbed my back, “it will get better.”
---
I was barely sleeping. I was so restless from my nightmares. I heard something hit my window and it woke me up. I got up and rubbed my eyes as I walked over to the window. I looked out to find Alex in the driveway. I gulped and went downstairs.

“Alex,” I called out to him, “Why are you here?”

“I need to see you,” he replied.

“Well here I am,” I told him.

“And you’re alone, perfect,” he flashed his fangs before he attacked me.

I shot up. I was scared out of my mind. I went to my window and I didn’t see him. I wrapped my arms around my body and I started sobbing. I felt like I was falling apart at the seams. And it was all his fault.

“It’s Alex’s fault,” I overheard Tay from behind my door.

“I know,” I could hear Jack too, “But he wanted to see her. I didn’t think she’d be even worse because of it.”

“But they are still a couple,” Tay sighed, “And she still loves him. Even after he attacked her.”

“Alex has been a wreck since he started feeling guilt,” Jack sighed too, “He drank two whole liquor stores when the guilt came on. And it was the first emotion to surface for him.”

“She’s been crying since we came back,” Tay told him, “She can’t stop thinking about him. She’s on vervain so we can’t compel her to stop crying over him. And it would be wrong to dictate what she does.”
---
I was curled up on the couch, my nose deep inside a book as it rained outside. I had cleaned the house top to bottom and there was nothing else to clean. I needed to get Alex off my mind. But it was so hard. He was always there. He was around my neck in a matter of speaking. I felt like I was being tormented for giving my heart to a vampire.

I was brought out of my book when I heard the doorbell ring. I opened it to find him standing there on the doorstep. He was slouching, like he was crumbling into himself. He was dripping wet from the rain. I felt so bad for him. Tay came up next to me and she smiled weakly at him.

“Hey Alex,” Tay greeted him, “Please come in.”

“You invited him,” I about screamed at her, “You know that I’m not ready to be with him.”

“That’s the problem,” she argued, “You need to be with him longer than twenty minutes. It’ll help you both. Alex won’t stay long each visit. He only stays while Jack’s here.”

I followed her to the living room where Alex had wandered off. He looked terrible still. I thought I looked broken. I sat down on the couch and curled up into myself with my knees to my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Tay left and I was alone with Alex.

“I’m sorry for causing you so much pain,” he looked me in my eyes, “I have done nothing but hurt you these last five years. I am so sorry.”

“Alex,” I felt the lump in my throat grow in size, “You are not to blame for my pain. Carmina is. It’s her fault. I…I missed you and you didn’t care before. It’s hard for me to understand that you’re returning to me, after all this time.”

“I know,” he sighed heavily and sat down on the ottoman across from me, “But I’m coming back to you. It’s a slow process, but I’m coming back.”

“Alex,” I looked him deep in the eyes, “It’s been five years. I’m not a kid anymore. I’ve changed. But I’m so broken from what happened. I’m haunted by the attack, by your hurtful words. It’s so much right now that I get you back on my birthday. I’m so fucked up by what happened.”

“I see it as fate,” he placed his hands on my knees, “Kenzie, I’m getting everything back. It’s slow, but I want to spend time with you as I get the feelings back. I know they’re in me somewhere, and it shines when I’m around you.”

“Alex,” I looked away from him, “You’re asking too much of me right now.”

“Look,” he sighed and pulled at his hair, “I know Tay is taking you on tour. And the guys and I are tagging along. I want to spend the summer working things out, okay. I want a second chance.”

“You don’t need a second chance,” I told him as tears welled up in my eyes, “I never gave up on you. That’s why I’m so messed up. I held onto you. I clung to my feelings. I endured a one-way relationship for five years.”

“And I’m going to return that relationship,” he promised.

Notes