Carry Me Home Tonight

Waking up with the sun streaming through my window was not very comforting. I was still alive.
I was still alone.

He still didn’t care. If he did, he would be here. He never would have turned the emotions off.
I would still be home.

I got up and rubbed my eyes as I strolled into my bathroom to shower. Once I felt I was clean enough, I got out of the steaming hot water and wrapped myself up in my towel. I wiped the fog off my mirror and stared at the girl in the reflection.

It was still me. My hair was still fire red. I was still pale. I still had the scar. I ghosted my fingers over the pink dots that made my skin imperfect. I closed my eyes as the tears flowed. I missed him still. I clung to him. He was the only reason I was alive. I was waiting for him to come to me. I wanted him to kiss me again.

That was five years ago, when I left Maryland. When I left home. And I had nothing to show for it.

I finished getting ready and went downstairs. I was in LA with Tay her band. Turned out Tay formed a coven with her bandmates. And right now they were working on a new record before heading out on a summer tour. I stayed with her because I was miserable alone and I was still unsafe. Not that Alex cared enough to try to hunt me down.

Just his name kills me.

“Hey,” Tay greeted me, “Happy birthday, Kenzie.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled as I grabbed at the sleeves of Alex’s old jacket. He was right that they’d smell like him for a very long time. I was torturing myself with keeping his scent close to me, but I wouldn’t have lasted as long as I have without it.

“So you’re 23 now,” Cameron, Tay’s boyfriend and a guitarist in her band, “What do you want to do?”

“I want to see my uncle,” I said simply. Tay about choked on her coffee.

“What,” she coughed.

“I want to see my uncle,” I repeated, “You act like that wasn’t allowed.”

“Mackenzie,” she warned, “Alex is still there. He could be roaming with his emotions off still. He could be lying in wait to pounce on you and finish what he started before we left town.”

“But that’s no reason I can’t go see my family,” I protested, “Either you come with me, or I will go by myself.”

“Ugh fine,” she groaned, “But we’re only going to be there for a couple days.”

“That works for me,” I told her.
---
We landed the next morning. Given my birthday was over, we only managed to get on the flight home last minute. I stared out the window as we drove into town. I had Alex’s beanie on along with his shirt and jacket. If I ran into him, I would just run. I know that wouldn’t end well, but I had to try.

We pulled up to the house and it was the same I had left it. I went up to my room with Tay in tow. I got into my room and I found Jack, Zack, Rian, Matt, and Tessa standing there to greet me.

“Happy birthday,” they cheered as they gave me a group hug.

“Thanks guys,” I told them as I cried.

“Happy birthday,” I froze at his voice. I turned around to find Alex in the corner. I about screamed.

“Please don’t scream,” Jack begged me, “The emotions just came on two weeks ago. They’ll take time to take root on him.”

“Alex,” I gulped as I fought the memories that scared me to death with every beat of my heart.

“I’ve missed you,” he replied simply.

“We’ll leave you guys alone,” Tessa led everyone out of my room and left us alone. I sat down on my old bed, my eyes locked on him.

“Please don’t hurt me,” I begged him as I started to cry.

“I won’t,” he replied as he came into the light. I could see the pain in his eyes. I could see the scars on his body. They hadn’t faded in the years since I saw him last.

“You look like shit,” I told him as I struggled to remain calm.

“I feel worse,” he replied, “You look beautiful in my clothes.”

“I wear them because I miss you,” I told him, “It hurt when I left.”

“I know,” he replied as he sat down on the floor. His back was against the wall just across from me, “The guys told me when I hit the switch that you were gone.”

“How did you feel when they told you,” I asked.

“Abandoned,” he replied, “I fell into a depression. I’ve been drinking heavily. But I’ve only lived on animal blood like I did before Carmina tricked me into hitting the switch.”

“If you expect me to take you back that easily, have another thing coming,” I warned him.

“I don’t want you to take me back right now,” he told me, “You need to heal still. So do I. I just want you to know that I’ll be back to my old self in time. But I miss you.”

Alex got up and he closed the distance between us. He placed his lips against mine gently. He left a tender kiss on my lips, and I kissed back. He pulled back and pressed his forehead against mine.

“Happy birthday, Kenzie,” Alex placed a package into my hands. I opened it to find my vervain necklace inside, “I took it off you when I attacked you. I wanted to send it back to you when I turned my emotions back on, but I didn’t know where to send it.”

“Thank you, Alex,” I smiled weakly as he put it back on my neck, “I appreciate it. A lot.”

“I think you should get ready to head back with Tay,” he told me, “We can catch up when I get everything sorted out in my head.”

“Okay,” I breathed as he moved to give me space, “I still love you. I feel that you needed to know. I never stopped when I left.”

“I’ll see you around, Kenzie,” Alex left the room. I went after him, but he was gone.

And my heart started to ache again. He didn’t say it back to me. And he abandoned me again.

Notes