Kiss Me Again

I've been mad at Alex for four days straight.
He's been pestering me to get me to talk to him, but I'll just roll my eyes and turn my back on him. I barely ever see him. He's always out practicing with Lisa for the music thing, and when he's not doing that, he's at basketball practice.
I was actually starting to miss him now; all I want is to be in his arms again. Along with that, I'm simply not fond of the fact that he's spending a lot more time with her than me. You can tell me all you want, that I shouldn't be jealous, but I don't see why I shouldn't be angry.
She wants my boyfriend, and now she has an excuse to be alone with him everyday for an hour and a half. I can feel whatever the fuck I wanna feel. And I feel jealous.
Irrational? No.
Unreasonable? I think not.
I'm waiting for Alex to get back from basketball practice now. Me and Hayley decided to stop our music practicing for the day, and we just chilled on the couch and ate some popcorn I had just finished making.
"So.." Hayley looked intently at me.
"Hm?" I hummed, mouth full of popcorn.
"So when are you gonna start talking to Alex again?"
I sighed deeply, and groaned.
"I don't know, Hayley..I miss him, but I just- I don't know. I feel like I'm sharing him with her, and I just don't know how to deal with it. Ya know?"
"Her? You mean Lisa?? Tay...I know she's a huge pain in the ass, but they have to be partners now. You just have to accept it.."
"Accept it? What the fuck? If it were you she was stealing Jack from, you wouldn't be able to just.. 'accept it'!" I scowled, getting all worked up over the situation again.
"Okay you're right, I'd hate it just as much as you do, if not more.."
I snorted at that.
You obviously can't hate it more than I do..
"But Tay, she can't steal Alex from you. You know why? Because Alex loves you, Tay. Can't you see how she's tearing you guys apart? You haven't spoken to Alex since Friday! This is her plan! She's trying to turn you guys against each other, so she can steal Alex from you! Is that what you want? Huh?"
I immediately shook my head, no.
"Then you need to quit moping and groaning about how Lisa's stealing Alex, and go claim him as your own! Forgive him, Tay..he really didn't do anything wrong.."
I tried to process what she was saying to me.
Maybe I am acting a bit ridiculous.
Alex is mine, but I'm practically just sitting back and letting Lisa have him!
I can't let her win. I won't.
Just then, we heard the front door open, and soon Alex appeared in the living room.
"Hey, Jacks' waiting in the car.." He informed Hayley, as she stood up.
"Alright. I'll see you guys later!" She waved and sped to the door, not before giving me a look, as if to say, "remember what we talked about."
Once she left, I got up to see Alex walking upstairs. I took a deep breath, and went up the stairs after him, and into the bedroom.
He was stripping out of his jeans and top.
He looked so fucking sexy.
I suddenly got an idea on how to make it up to him.
"H-hey.." I started, causing him to turn around in shock.
"Uh..hey! I'm surprised you're actually speaking to me.." He gave me a small smile.
"I know baby, and I'm sorry. I just- I was mad, and I shouldn't have blamed it on you, and..I'm sorry." I got closer to him, rubbing my hands up and down from his chest to his shoulders.
"It's alright.. I shouldn't have hugged her, and I shouldn't have-"
I placed my finger on his lips, and shushed him.
"It's okay baby..no more talking." I whispered seductively, placing a kiss on his neck.
He raised his eyebrows and smirked, realizing where this was going.
He leaned down and met his lips with mine, and slid his hands slowly down my sides, and around my waist.
We moved backwards, not breaking the kiss, until Alex sat down on the edge of the bed, and I sat in his lap, straddling him.
We hungrily made out, until we heard his phone ringing. He broke off the kiss with a worried expression, as I rolled my eyes.
"Just leave it. Let it ring.." I insisted, before reconnecting our lips.
The phone continued to annoyingly ring on and on, so he pulled back again.
I whined in protest, and pouted.
"Sorry, it could be important.." He gave me an apologetic look, then reached over across the bed to grab his phone.
He gulped.
"Who is it?" I raised a brow at him.
"I-It's Lisa...she probably wants to practice for the music thing.." He said uneasily.
I frowned, and moved off his lap to sit on the bed, beside him.
"Answer it." I crossed my arms.
He sighed, and answered the phone.
"Hello? Hi, Lisa. Oh no, this isn't a bad time at all! Right now?? Uh..alright.. Okay see ya in a few!" He hung up, and turned to me, giving me an apologetic look.
"Let me guess, she wants to practice?" I rolled my eyes.
"Uh..yeah..bad timing, huh?"
"Bad timing? I thought I heard you say that it 'wasn't a bad time at all'?"
"Tay..I-"
"Whatever. Just go practice, I don't care." I brushed him off, feeling pissed once again.
"Hey..it's just practice for the project, don't be mad at me." He scooted closer to me, pouting.
"I'm not mad at you.." I muttered bitterly.
"I love you, okay? Lisa is nothing to worry about, I promise." He reassured me, kissing me on the cheek, before he got up and started getting dressed.
Nothing to worry about, eh? We'll see.
******************
The week pretty much went on like that. Whenever I would get the chance to be with Alex, she always took him away from me. I stayed up at night, worrying that soon, he won't be next to me anymore, and he'll be with Lisa instead.
In the halls, Lisa would always find him and start giving him hugs; I'd get so hurt and disgusted by it, that by the time he turned around to catch up with me like usual, I'd already be at my next classroom.
The only time I really got to talk to him, was at lunch. He'd always do his best to be the sweet cutie that he is, but then Lisa would always stop by and wreck it, like she did that other time.
I just can't take it anymore.
I was pretty much bitter about everything. During our practices, Hayley would still try to give me bits of advice, like the good friend that she is, but in reality, we both know that nothing I do is getting me anywhere.
I'm losing the battle to Lisa, and it angers me that there's even a battle to begin with! Alex is mine! Mine only! I don't like anyone else touching him, or looking at him, or even breathing the same air as him, at this point!
Basketball practice got cancelled today, so Alex could finally come straight home with me, and we could spend more time together this afternoon.
Alex had gone upstairs to shower, when I heard a knock at the door. I was confused, because I wasn't expecting anybody, but I got up and opened the door. I was taken aback when I saw Lisa at our doorstep.
"Lisa?? What are you doing here?" I snapped.
"Alex invited me over to practice, since I can't have anyone over at my house, today. So may I come in?"
I rolled my eyes at the fact that I had no choice but to let her in.
She put on one of her bitchy fake smiles, and welcomed herself into the living room, and on the couch.
I sat down on the couch as well, crossing my arms in bitterness.
"So..do you come to Alex's house often?" She blinked at me.
"Don't see why I wouldn't, I am his girlfriend. And along with that, I live here, so..." I rolled my eyes.
"You actually live with him?? Gee, how slutty."
I looked at her in disbelief.
"Slutty? If you wanna talk slutty, you should just look at yourself!!"
She flipped her hair and rolled her eyes.
"Whatever. So what's the story? Parents didn't want you? Can't blame em, really." She laughed to herself, making me furious.
"Actually, no. They're dead."
She blinked at me and stopped laughing.
We sat in an uncomfortable silence for a moment, until we heard Alex come down the stairs.
"Oh hey, Lisa!" He greeted her, walking down the stairs, looking very attractive with his wet hair.
She stood up, and walked over to him, giving him a hug.
"Hey! I'm sooo glad you don't have practice today..maybe we could practice on our project a little longer today!" She winked at him.
I wasn't going to take this.
She's flirting with him right in fucking front of me!
I stood up and stomped over to them.
"No you're not." I warned, staring daggers at Lisa.
"Um, excuse me?"
"You heard me. You're not practicing with him any longer than you have to. Actually, you know what? You're not practicing with him, at all. Leave. Fucking get out right now!" I screamed at her, completely losing it out of pent up anger.
"Whoa! Tay, calm-" Alex started, before I cut him off.
"No! Don't you fucking tell me to calm down!!"
"Shit..Lisa, I think you should leave.." Alex gave her an apologetic look, and she just shrugged and smiled.
"Alright, bye Lexxy!" She turned around and headed to the door, but stopped beside me to whisper:
"Bye, orphan."
I froze, as she walked out the door.
Her cynical words rang in my ears, making me feel weak and small.
Orphan.
That's all I am.
I don't deserve Alex.
I'm a nobody.
I was snapped out of my daze, when Alex started staring at me in disbelief.
"What was all that about?!" He yelled, frantically waving his arms in the air.
"You can't keep being partners with Lisa, I just can't take it anymore!" I yelled, frustrated.
"Um, Tay..the showcase is at the end of this week! And I have to be her partner, and you know it! What's your deal with her, anyway?"
"My deal?! You don't know what my fucking deal is?? My deal is, that she gets to spend all this time with you, and I don't! She's trying to steal you from me, Alex!!"
He laughed bitterly, and shook his head.
"Wow..just wow. You fucking live with me, Tay! How in the hell do I spend all my time with her?"
"Um excuse me, but this is the one day where I can actually TALK to you, but hey, she's managed to ruin that too!"
"She didn't ruin anything, you did! We were going to practice, and then she was going to leave us alone! Simple!"
"Oh, you wanna talk about that? Then how about the fact that you didn't even care to inform me that she would be coming over today?!?"
He fell silent, and looked down at his shoes.
"Why? Huh?"
"Because I.."
"Because WHY?"
"Because I knew you'd be totally against it, and freak out like you are now!"
"Oh, so just invite her without telling me, smooth move!"
"Whatever! Damn, you're acting so fucking annoying! We're just practicing for the damn music project!!" Alex yelled, looking like he wanted to punch something.
"Oh really? Practicing?? Is that all your doing?!" I yelled back at him, tears streaming down my face.
"What do you mean? You think...you think I'm cheating on you? Is that what you think, Tay?" He started to calm down, and gave me a concerned expression.
"N-no, I just- she's always all over you, and-and she's so much better than me, and the more I sit back at watch her flirt with you, and hug you, and laugh with you, the more I realize how horrible I am for you..you deserve someone like her, who isn't so broken and...annoying." I spat out the last word, remembering what he had just said to me.
"N-no Tay, I didn't mean that-"
"Yes you did!" I cried into my hands, feeling absolutely worthless.
I soon felt his arms wrap around me.
"I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry! I got mad, I didn't mean it, I'm a dumbass. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you, Tay. She's not better than you, and I'd never leave you for her, never ever! I'm so sorry!" He apologized over and over, hugging me even tighter.
I didn't move, I just cried and let him hug me. But the damage was done, I felt like I meant nothing to him, and nothing was going to change that.
Once he let me out of his grip and pulled back to look at me, I turned around and went upstairs without a word.
I crawled into the bed at the very far end, and curled up into a ball of sadness.
From that night on, there was only one thought revolving in my head at all times.
He's gonna leave me.

Notes

Not sure how I feel about this chapter..I could've done a better job.. and I didn't get a chance to post this last night, I'm sorry.
You probably read this whole chapter with a frown on your faces, and for that, I apologize. But don't be mad at me, be mad at Lisa, bro! x)

THERE'S ONLY 20 CHAPTERS LEFT! TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!! :O
From here on, this story is gonna get reaallly feely..prepare your hearts xP

QOTD: I WANT A LIFE UPDATE ON ALL OF YOU. How are you all doing? Has school started off well for you? Are you doing better this year than you did last year? etc?
As for me, school has started off pretty great. I have a sense of belonging at my new school..I actually have friends that I'm comfortable with, my grades are (surprisingly) good, and most of the people at my school have the same music taste which is an absolute SCORE!! xD Sometimes my anxiety still stops me from doing/saying things that I want to do, and that bothers me a lot, but other than that, I'm good. I'm almost 4 months clean, and I'm doing my best to stay happy, and not fall into depression again, like in the previous years.
For those of you who are struggling, or depressed, or just in a dark place, etc: Just know that my love for you is bulletproof, and I'm here for you, always. I've been trying to focus on the positive aspects of my life, rather than the negative. If that's helpful to you in any way, please just try to hang in there, find your happy place, & always try to make today better than yesterday. ILYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY <333 :*

Thanks! :)

Title cred: I'm Low On Gas And You Need A Jacket- Pierce The Veil